I am writing this blog because I am very nostalgic since a week. I had lost a friend some years back over an issue that might be bothering so many of us today. Most of the old-timers of my site will think that I gave importance to this blog for some past reasons, but its not true. I think this story of my friend is something that will apply to anyone and in any important relation. The story is about John and Kanchan (names changed to maintain privacy).
A lot before I understood love, I had this friend John. He was a very nice guy not very good looking but not bad looking either. Someone everyone would love but would not dare to be like. John was very much in love with Kanchan, a mutual love, never one way. It was like a made-for-each other situation where they met, fell in love and were happy... not for long. Due to religion difference (apparently kanchan was muslim), things went haywire to the point where kanchan was forced to marry someone else by her family. I never talked to her much though I used to meet her quite often. Don't know why though, never felt the need to develop even a good friendship with her, there was nothing to dislike about her... but still. The way things proceeded, it seemed like a tragic movie, and it did end up to be. John always used to talk about real love, unconditional love, he lived that and that is why it was easy to believe what he told. 2 weeks after her marriage kanchan committed suicide. She hung herself to a ceiling fan without a letter, no notes left behind.
As expected John's life came crashing down. The death really separated them worse than the marriage did. He was a believer of pastlife, afterdeath experiences and similar things. So still he used to believe and feel her with him. John was eventually married to another girl. The marriage was forced as well because John had decided not to marry. He knew he was already married to Kanchan, in lastlife and present. Maybe not a marriage for the society. John explained the situation to this lady he was going to get married now. She accepted him without a problem. She didn't believe much in past-life stuff or spiritual existance as much as he did. It was no big deal for her to accept him the way, with his love for kanchan... who did not exist for her. She was happy having John to herself with all the attachments that came alone as a package.
Since John was a person true to his heart and especially to people around him. He never lied to his family or his wife. She seemed to be happy with him, his friends & his family, till the time a villian entered. Her close friend was quite bewildered looking at the comfort between John and his wife. She couldn't understand how was her friend comfortable about her husband talking about Kanchan so many times. Maybe she understood or believed in the supernatural things that he did. But always in life, as history proves, one cunning person but negligible daasi like Manthara without whom the whole Ramayana cannot happen. Same happened here. Suddenly John's wife started getting uncomfortable about John's happiness with the thoughts of Kanchan, though she didn't believe about Kanchan's spiritual existance & she started thinking more about it day and night. As time passed, she started denouncing John's belief in such things as an alibi to keep Kanchan alive in his heart.
John, a person who was true to his wife and everyone he talked, to started curbing. Maybe dying inside. He stopped talking about Kanchan not just to his wife, but also with anyone else. Maybe he just talked to Kanchan in her spiritual form, the angels or the Gods he related to. Getting far away from his physical existance and the material world around him, he started falling upon himself with the huge pressure of the world he lived in, forcing his beliefs within himself. Like a star dying, which dies under its own mass and creating a new galaxy and a blackhole... some new world was about to be created with an ability to destroy it to. Kanchan was the air he breathed, everything that he needed to think about as a spirit, everything that gave his soul a direction. Without any interaction about his feelings with no one around he was suffocating in a world where everyone thought that he is at his best form. No one really knew and understood apart from few people, that the absence of Kanchan's topic in John's conversation was not a welcome sign for his new-gone-old marriage, but a very dangerous warning about a the time-bomb waiting to explode.
Life went on routine. He made his friends laugh and cry. In his usual way told serious things in the form of jokes that made everyone laugh and wonder at the same moment - What did he really mean? When he talked something very serious, about planning his life not caring about other people, it was too far beyond the imagination of his friends, who thought he has changed, who though that without Kanchan he lost his ability to be nice. He had become like everyone else. Earning money, planning future... making it secure. On one fine morning, he failed to respond to the wakeup calls of his wife, who had initially ignored this fact since she thought he was trying to avoid talking to her. It dawned to her and the family hours later by afternoon that he had slept last night... never to wake up. The news spread like wildfire. Some close friends weren't shocked. I was one of them. John used to call me everyday and talked atleast for 2 minutes. He used to say that hearing my voice made him feel better. All of us who were his close friends realised that the time-bomb was exploded. No one till date knows the reason of his death. It neither could be ruled out as a suicide nor could it be confirmed as a natural death. I called it - "The death of love, faith, beliefs......"
What went wrong in the entire story was that single friend who made his wife uncomfortable and ruin the whole love, faith and belief John had for her. Even today, if I ever come across that friend of hers, I won't slap her. But I will slap his wife no matter how many times she confronts me. She was a failure of John's comfort, a failure to her own commitment and a failure to a beautiful life called John. The very few friends of mine who know about my friendship with John might be remembering him only as that friend of mine who died in sleep. No one ever cared to analyze the story behind the whole game. I still feel John around and I hope John is around everyone when he tells not change in life, never your beliefs... no matter what happens. A life might be a small game in a lot of games we play in multiple lives, but our progress as a soul is very much dependent upon what we do about our beliefs when we live, more than what we can do after we are dead.
I request everyone not to make obvious connections from this story and do not even try to guess who was John. People who know him - just know him.. and people who don't can just forget this story remembering the moral.
I think it would have been better for John to stay limited to his friends while talking about Kanchan. He could have just avoided telling the whole story to his wife or if he wanted her to know his past, he could have avoided the conversations that followed later. The spirit of bad luck doesn't come with a specified time. It strikes with an opportunity. Our fate shows that point of strike where our suffering starts, but the actual strike never happens when our astrological chart or fate lines tell but much more before that. The bad-luck strikes like a predator just lurking around watching its prey, hitting at the right time, that right time which is not the bad time in our fate but good time in the fate of our enemies. Not talking about Kanchan to his wife wouldn't have been lies as well, because that lies existed in the spiritual world, far beyond the perception of his wife. In real life, the truth was that Kanchan was dead. John was married to some other woman but was always a loving and caring husband. All was beautifully set and done from his side. Eventually, what his wife thought of the Kanchan bug whom she was tactically trying to fumigate out of his system, infact, fumigated her own husband from her life and from the lives of so many people he knew.
There would be many more John's around who might get to read this and then might not. Maybe it can be the other-way round for some. Please dont change your faith, your beliefs.... especially when they have something to do with past-life experiences. Keep praying to the God you believe in and keep believing even if others dont. Don't wait for the next life to make things happen your way. What we strive for, might not happen the way we want it to, but it happens and will always happen in a certain way if you are patient and true to all your love and care about.
While ending this blog, I won't say - "May John's soul rest in peace". I know it won't.... it won't till he meets Kanchan again, in real life! If he is still around, it means he still hasn't found her.
Thursday, July 17, 2008
Wednesday, July 9, 2008
When a Good Intention turns into a GAME!??!?!?
I am many often asked by people I counsel. How come I am so different?? Why am I so sensible?? Why couldn't someone else come up with the solution or idea I did?? Even putting this here might convince some people that I am bragging too much, I feel so at times too, but its not the intention. My answers to those question and today remains that I am no different, we all are than the earlier generation. I think human species is a thing that used to happen 30 years back. We have evolved, we are different but still carry with us the humans pros and cons just like humans carried with them something from the monkeys, the evolution goes on. What makes me APPEAR wiser is not my wisdom (its something I usually never let out with someone I counsel but yes friends can confirm I am wise), what makes it seem so different might be a fact that I learn from others experiences more and less of my own. 'Less of my own' doesn't imply that I am ignoring my experiences, but then I interact so much with people that there is hardly anything happening in my life that is a surprise, its like this was already expected right??? How was it expected.... similar things have happened before with some people... club them together analyse them well... try to mix n' match the characters and the situation to your own... EUREKA!! Everything is so predictable.... Everything!! but me!!
I never get tired knowing what people go through, and incase they haven't come just to talk but seek some advice then its more exciting for me. Exciting not because I was given importance, exciting because there is one more chance to apply a strategy that won't fail unless some other advice ponders with it. What does that mean? Simple. As always whenever I advice/counsel someone, regardless of whether its a practical solution or a spiritual healing, I always tell them not to be open to someone else's advice or healing at the same time. A normal reaction or judgement of people - EGO. No its not. I never tell anyone not to trust a certain person for advice. I believe that when a perfect solution is needed only one light should be followed, otherwise MAYA makes it worse. One of my high recommendations which again is judged as EGO is, "Try everyone and everything else and then come to me." This is obviously not to ensure that only I can solve a problem, it is just a security measure for myself to know that this person will follow my instructions properly after facing so many failure or just turn me down. There wont be something halfdone which results in a failure. Take this paragraph as the POINT 1 for the topic of todays blog.
Moving ahead...
Not just me, but many of us are always advising or counseling someone. As far as you are not charging a fee (I don't), I don't think there would be any intention of helping someone we care for, apart from EGO again. But when you are counseling as your duty or a worship towards your god like I do, there is no ego. You are doing a job. They payment comes after you die or maybe while you are alive, but by god. I act as an employee or a service provider and not as the manufacturer or owner. Yes there was a time especially in teenage years when I used to feel important or proud for doing this. But that is an age. An age where everyone is growing, maturing and coping up with the new aspects of life with over-confidence.
Point 2 : In those teen years I was often victimized as well as glorified. Both the things mostly used to happen for things I have never done. In those days my drawback was selfishness and attention seeking attitude. Both which had evolved due to my insecure childhood. The biggest mistakes of my life which I consider forgivable in those times was selfishness with anyone whom I considered my own or a stranger. An opportunist without ethics (Thats actually a way to huge success if it comes with a small baggage of gratitude). But looking back, I do consider that a reason for the existence of people who hate me today. That was something I did consciously, and analysing later I realised that they had a reason to do so. Seeking attention all the time was also a problem. The unworthy glorification and allegations helped me more to do that. On one side, I was gathering so much of a collection of friends, acquaintances, power contacts (take it the GODFATHER WAY), and also people who got scared of me because of the unknown capability known to myself and them, which was considered at that time that I can JINX anyone. In all that mess, attention seeking and selfishness just added more fuel to the allegations and the glory side didn't diminish, but shone in a wrong way. Like, calling a water pistol as a pistol with plastic pellets, even if not a gun. Judging... till we do that without being asked by the victim himself/herself, will always make a wrong move for our own growth.
POINT 3 : In a bad phase, a panicky situation, people tend to become more emotional. Run helter skelter looking for a shelter... wow that rhymed...! But they dont understand that they approach anyone possible to solve their problem. They will go out to the best and to the worst. They will also go and pay all astrologers, palmists, psychics, and what not if they believe in all that, or otherwise end up with psychological counsellors. Wow.. I was taken to one in my childhood when I used to talk about my visions at night, which where then considered as dreams. The psychologists analysis as usual - A sign of insecurity when a child dreams something like this. They think that its a hard and fast rule or a book with a set of rules which categorizes a person of certain age with the same syndrome. How can it be? These guys hardly keep up with the latest facts, using books and their younger studies which are a decade old now, they are diagnosing and judging a human mind and brain which is much more evolved!! Nevertheless, their medications do work because all they do is control the blood pressure or neural activity of the certain part of our brain. Surely enough, I believe that science helps a lot in simple things about life and very complicated things about man-made marvels.
POINT 4 : As mentioned in 3, we end up advising someone with nothing but a good intention of their well-being. Time passes by, and good times dawn the person whom we advised. With a good mood and no other worries to bother the poor tortured brain, there is a lot more activity to do. The most dangerous, discussion and analysis of the past with someone else. Tell but don't discuss unless its someone very close and there should be only 2-3 people this. You will understand the reason why in the next few lines.
Take for example here -
You advice a cousin on his/her problem. Worked well, time has passed and now the cousin is sitting with a uncle of yours who doesn't like you, but they both share a comfortable relation. Now finally this uncle whose advices have failed, or maybe he never cared to advice, tells this cousin that if you would have done this way instead of what was advised by him(you), things would have turned out much better. A normal tendency that we see around everyday in our life. But on a large scale it has a huge and very bad impact. The uncle as well as your cousin discuss the same thing and view with more people. Added up is a group of people who vouch for you or put you down. Over time, a new trouble brews up where there is hardly any feeling you have to dive in the new problem and help again after all the TRIAL you went through the last time. Though acquitted and your image is clean now, you do know the backbitching that goes about even now. You think do you still want to help? Afterall he's your cousin, someone you love and care for. But here is the place where we go wrong. We take for granted that the cousin who came to you for advice the last time will come to you again, but after what all has happened that fact has to be untrue. We still at times act stupidly and go ahead to do the good thing (mind it... only we consider it good).
POINT 4 : Eventually, with no need of your advices or even you being around, that relation has ended up just being a formality. The worst allegation that does come up in this case is when the cousin and the people around will say that, 'he/she(you) had some unseen plan of your own / wanted to get more importance in family or friends / and a lot more unimaginable reasons'. Some shameless person might even try to come and ask you trying to investigate, promising that it will remain a secret. Fortunately, all this has happened with me in those teenage years. The years when I met few best people in my life and a lot more worse. Now I meet people and get more of the best lot that the worst because of this understanding. We normally try to do advice or help with a good intention. That good intention comes out of love or care for a person.. an emotion.. .driven by heart. What the heart says is very important, but in cases where you are not really very close to the person (like the only 2-3 in your life like I mentioned above), you should always use the brain. A Sequel book of Godfather has a line - "The heart was just a bloody motor. The head was meant to drive".
Till I reached an understanding from the above experiences and many other of my own and others, it wasn't too late. I was just 22 by then. I had lost many good friends and bad as well. I feel fortunate for loosing them, not trying to be optimistic, but people who misunderstand and cannot bear along for a long time through your growth shouldn't be trusted. Maybe I gave them a reason to hate me, I am to blame, I take the blame. Though loosing any kind of person from life is a loss, I feel fortunate for those friends I lost for such reasons, they wouldn't have been of any use for anyone anyway. A further analysis always showed that they were the run-of-the-mill people who hardly did anything different in life. Their mindset would never come out of the material world they live in, a routine of 9 - 5, a party on weekend, etc. Hard Punches in my face, spiritual conscience, a good logic, a cold and speedy analysis of myself always kept me busy and helped me stay away from judging anyone else.
Whatever happens in our life is due to us, its our fault or virtue. We have no right to judge or advice anyone about anything unless they seek it. Even today I have seen the views of many people close to me where they considered my intentions as some part of a PLAN, a GAME, fortunately none of my friends are a part of those. These people are either my relatives or some acquaintances whose presence or absence in life doesn't bother me as much as when - My good intention is considered as a Game!
I never get tired knowing what people go through, and incase they haven't come just to talk but seek some advice then its more exciting for me. Exciting not because I was given importance, exciting because there is one more chance to apply a strategy that won't fail unless some other advice ponders with it. What does that mean? Simple. As always whenever I advice/counsel someone, regardless of whether its a practical solution or a spiritual healing, I always tell them not to be open to someone else's advice or healing at the same time. A normal reaction or judgement of people - EGO. No its not. I never tell anyone not to trust a certain person for advice. I believe that when a perfect solution is needed only one light should be followed, otherwise MAYA makes it worse. One of my high recommendations which again is judged as EGO is, "Try everyone and everything else and then come to me." This is obviously not to ensure that only I can solve a problem, it is just a security measure for myself to know that this person will follow my instructions properly after facing so many failure or just turn me down. There wont be something halfdone which results in a failure. Take this paragraph as the POINT 1 for the topic of todays blog.
Moving ahead...
Not just me, but many of us are always advising or counseling someone. As far as you are not charging a fee (I don't), I don't think there would be any intention of helping someone we care for, apart from EGO again. But when you are counseling as your duty or a worship towards your god like I do, there is no ego. You are doing a job. They payment comes after you die or maybe while you are alive, but by god. I act as an employee or a service provider and not as the manufacturer or owner. Yes there was a time especially in teenage years when I used to feel important or proud for doing this. But that is an age. An age where everyone is growing, maturing and coping up with the new aspects of life with over-confidence.
Point 2 : In those teen years I was often victimized as well as glorified. Both the things mostly used to happen for things I have never done. In those days my drawback was selfishness and attention seeking attitude. Both which had evolved due to my insecure childhood. The biggest mistakes of my life which I consider forgivable in those times was selfishness with anyone whom I considered my own or a stranger. An opportunist without ethics (Thats actually a way to huge success if it comes with a small baggage of gratitude). But looking back, I do consider that a reason for the existence of people who hate me today. That was something I did consciously, and analysing later I realised that they had a reason to do so. Seeking attention all the time was also a problem. The unworthy glorification and allegations helped me more to do that. On one side, I was gathering so much of a collection of friends, acquaintances, power contacts (take it the GODFATHER WAY), and also people who got scared of me because of the unknown capability known to myself and them, which was considered at that time that I can JINX anyone. In all that mess, attention seeking and selfishness just added more fuel to the allegations and the glory side didn't diminish, but shone in a wrong way. Like, calling a water pistol as a pistol with plastic pellets, even if not a gun. Judging... till we do that without being asked by the victim himself/herself, will always make a wrong move for our own growth.
POINT 3 : In a bad phase, a panicky situation, people tend to become more emotional. Run helter skelter looking for a shelter... wow that rhymed...! But they dont understand that they approach anyone possible to solve their problem. They will go out to the best and to the worst. They will also go and pay all astrologers, palmists, psychics, and what not if they believe in all that, or otherwise end up with psychological counsellors. Wow.. I was taken to one in my childhood when I used to talk about my visions at night, which where then considered as dreams. The psychologists analysis as usual - A sign of insecurity when a child dreams something like this. They think that its a hard and fast rule or a book with a set of rules which categorizes a person of certain age with the same syndrome. How can it be? These guys hardly keep up with the latest facts, using books and their younger studies which are a decade old now, they are diagnosing and judging a human mind and brain which is much more evolved!! Nevertheless, their medications do work because all they do is control the blood pressure or neural activity of the certain part of our brain. Surely enough, I believe that science helps a lot in simple things about life and very complicated things about man-made marvels.
POINT 4 : As mentioned in 3, we end up advising someone with nothing but a good intention of their well-being. Time passes by, and good times dawn the person whom we advised. With a good mood and no other worries to bother the poor tortured brain, there is a lot more activity to do. The most dangerous, discussion and analysis of the past with someone else. Tell but don't discuss unless its someone very close and there should be only 2-3 people this. You will understand the reason why in the next few lines.
Take for example here -
You advice a cousin on his/her problem. Worked well, time has passed and now the cousin is sitting with a uncle of yours who doesn't like you, but they both share a comfortable relation. Now finally this uncle whose advices have failed, or maybe he never cared to advice, tells this cousin that if you would have done this way instead of what was advised by him(you), things would have turned out much better. A normal tendency that we see around everyday in our life. But on a large scale it has a huge and very bad impact. The uncle as well as your cousin discuss the same thing and view with more people. Added up is a group of people who vouch for you or put you down. Over time, a new trouble brews up where there is hardly any feeling you have to dive in the new problem and help again after all the TRIAL you went through the last time. Though acquitted and your image is clean now, you do know the backbitching that goes about even now. You think do you still want to help? Afterall he's your cousin, someone you love and care for. But here is the place where we go wrong. We take for granted that the cousin who came to you for advice the last time will come to you again, but after what all has happened that fact has to be untrue. We still at times act stupidly and go ahead to do the good thing (mind it... only we consider it good).
POINT 4 : Eventually, with no need of your advices or even you being around, that relation has ended up just being a formality. The worst allegation that does come up in this case is when the cousin and the people around will say that, 'he/she(you) had some unseen plan of your own / wanted to get more importance in family or friends / and a lot more unimaginable reasons'. Some shameless person might even try to come and ask you trying to investigate, promising that it will remain a secret. Fortunately, all this has happened with me in those teenage years. The years when I met few best people in my life and a lot more worse. Now I meet people and get more of the best lot that the worst because of this understanding. We normally try to do advice or help with a good intention. That good intention comes out of love or care for a person.. an emotion.. .driven by heart. What the heart says is very important, but in cases where you are not really very close to the person (like the only 2-3 in your life like I mentioned above), you should always use the brain. A Sequel book of Godfather has a line - "The heart was just a bloody motor. The head was meant to drive".
Till I reached an understanding from the above experiences and many other of my own and others, it wasn't too late. I was just 22 by then. I had lost many good friends and bad as well. I feel fortunate for loosing them, not trying to be optimistic, but people who misunderstand and cannot bear along for a long time through your growth shouldn't be trusted. Maybe I gave them a reason to hate me, I am to blame, I take the blame. Though loosing any kind of person from life is a loss, I feel fortunate for those friends I lost for such reasons, they wouldn't have been of any use for anyone anyway. A further analysis always showed that they were the run-of-the-mill people who hardly did anything different in life. Their mindset would never come out of the material world they live in, a routine of 9 - 5, a party on weekend, etc. Hard Punches in my face, spiritual conscience, a good logic, a cold and speedy analysis of myself always kept me busy and helped me stay away from judging anyone else.
Whatever happens in our life is due to us, its our fault or virtue. We have no right to judge or advice anyone about anything unless they seek it. Even today I have seen the views of many people close to me where they considered my intentions as some part of a PLAN, a GAME, fortunately none of my friends are a part of those. These people are either my relatives or some acquaintances whose presence or absence in life doesn't bother me as much as when - My good intention is considered as a Game!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)