Thursday, May 14, 2009

Birthday Lesson

Its been quite many days since I blogged. Some would be thankful and some angry. Well I am back. Very tired and very bored. The weather seems nice on the terrace. Yes I am on a laptop typing this blog since I have got nothing else to do. Its my birthday, and I can't party due to the health problems I am facing due to the crazy heat, nor can I work as usual since I am stuck in a power failure since 2 hours now. Its 8 PM and I am getting frustrated. Today couldn't work much as had to visit the hospital to see how grandma is doing after her yesterday's surgery. Additionally I had more work to attend today only since I had to check my stock and burn some things for Shammiji who has invited me tomorrow at his residence. This is the only exciting thing that happened today and also the best gift I guess.

Turning 30 today and life seems ridiculously boring. I feel confined in a jail where there are no open gates for expression and celebration. Did marriage do this to me? I cannot blame it alone. I think the age makes a person more serious and mysterious as well. Have been facing people who misunderstand me all the time, so nothing new or exciting about it either. The crisis and the problems in life are so stale and boring! It reminds me of my days of education when I used to work for small software companies and program in visual basic. The main reason I left that world was something like this only. The projects and the problems they created seemed new initially. Later I understood that the same algorithm or logic worked on them all. There was one basic equation that applied to everything. Same is in the life. What I understood new is quite an interesting finding though.

I've been in horrendous stress last 2-3 months. In childhood I was a quiet person often considered as introvert. Later in the college days... fun days... I was considered an extrovert person who doesn't allow others to talk. Later I settled with something in between. What I understood was that the introvert and extrovert terms were just the visions I cast on the world around me or maybe what our religion calls as MAYA, which casting some illusions in their visions. I think the problem was the scope of the number of people I was talking to. It was too wide. I think I opened myself to too many people and maybe most of them were people whom I shouldn't have ever been talking to. Thankfully though open-minded, I never did anything wrong that would make me regret anything. I also didn't capture the fancy of people who thought I was weird or great. I always kept telling them that I am not, since I lost the only war I ever wanted to fight. ummmm.. .love n' war are the same I guess.

Today, I am like a child again. What people would call introvert. I am panicky when silly things happen to me. I am drowned in my work like I used to be drowned in carefreeness in childhood. No I dont hate my work. I love it too much. Dont think I am complaining. What was incredible till now was the desire to make people understand about their misunderstandings about me... correcting them. Was that too big of an ambition??? I don't think so. But making people understand things that are beyond their capacity can be an ambition. Right now my black labrador Shania is snoring beside me, and she is the best example for that. I can never maker her like the smell of a flower of some favorite perfume of mine, she will always like the smell of meat.

I had long back read some story in Aesop's fables about this. I don't remember it clearly though. A bored king kept a competition of entertainment to find the best entertainment. Some crazy comedian made a sound of a pig making the audience think that the pig was hidden under his cloak, but to the astonishment of the audience he showed that it was he who was making the sound. A farmer in the audience was not impressed by this, so he challenged them all that the next day he will give a better performance. No one agreed on this. The next day the farmer performed the same trick but the audience booed him saying he didn't sound like a pig. The clever farmer quickly took a pig outside his cloak and made it grunt. He proved to the audience that a real pig made a different sound than what the comedian was showing them.

The moral - You need to convince people by their senses and not by logic, because not all will be open-minded and most importantly intelligent to understand your logic. A nice lesson, which is now more of an action required in my life. I was stuck to one basic issue to test this funda, what happens if I spray a rose with the scent of meat. My dog will surely gulp down that rose thinking its meat. She will sniff and like the smell too. But is my mission of convincing expecting this kind of a result?? Shania will like the smell or gulp it down just thinking that its some food like bread mixed with meat. She won't be actually like the smell of the rose. My mission is to make her like the rose. Maybe a move beyond my capacity, maybe something only God can do. But taking humans into consideration it seems that it is much easier than changing a stupid person's beliefs. Stupid people misunderstand because they feel they are intelligent to understand everything. Might be if not my logic it can be easier to make them understand things a better way.

The choice arises here of whether we really want to spend so much time and effort on these kind of people. So its better to narrow down your search and create a list of people who really matter to you. In last 30 years I understood that misunderstanding people keep changing their misunderstandings all their life, so maybe even their understanding might not remain permanent. Changing a person's beliefs might not be that essential in such cases. Again this trait of theirs design their personality. I am with flaws as well, but I try to reap from those. If someone tries to correct my flaws which over the years I have cultivated for a positive outcome maybe even I would get bugged or stay adamant on someone else's efforts to erase them.

The wish finally comes down to a person who is open-minded enough to understand one's flaws. It is when that person identifies a flaw in oneself, that he/she will be ready to overcome it or use it the positive way. If a person doesn't identify a flaw as flaw... or a disease as disease, no one in the world can provide a good medication for it, even if it is a medication that works well. Just sometime back I got a call from a friend telling that there are no lights in major parts of Pune, so its not juts my area suffering as I anticipated wrongly. My dad reminded me of my bad reputation with power. 10 minutes before I was born there was a power failure, I was born in the dark... Maybe that is the reason why I love the nights and the moon so much. But the bad part is that the power plays its game on every birthday of mine. Every time there is a power failure. Maybe I use it too much for work, and it had an intuition of this thing when I was born. hehe. Should wind up now. Before you all start getting bored like I am.

Till next blog.... cya... and try to convince people by their senses and not by logic. It works u know :)

Love n' Regards
Nikhil