The Nikhil Gangavane™ Blog

Memory Issues

2011-10-13T20:40:00.000+05:30

I am sure that my generation and the next is in grave danger of losing the memory capacity of our brain due to digital revolution. This trend will set a change in human evolution also in coming years. Even some generations before me who are hooked to the tech will be facing this problem. Recently my grandfather expired and I went back into the lane of old memories remembering everything. One of the things I remembered was the first phone in our house. And then I suddenly realized that I knew so many numbers by heart which I still remember, yet today I only know around 4-5 numbers by heart. I have become slave to technology like many others and I need to revive it. Because I am not still the next generation human form which has given less importance to memory and more to intelligence. I can still create a balance and rely on my own brain to remember things, yet it can be a hard task considering the years I spent being dependent.

When I tried to analyze things around, the huge collection of books that increased… and mainly the digital media I understood I am in a mess. How the hell am I supposed to know which song is in which DVD or which DVD is in which folder? It is impossible to actually remember digital media contents where you have over 1000 dvds. I sat down meditated and rest of the time concentrated on this same topic. How could I start reviving my memory capabilities and here are some simple solutions I came up with.

Memorize 2 important numbers from your cellphone phonebook everyday and try to remember them as days pass with your new memorized numbers.
Don’t use bookmarks in your books.
Do not use the save login and password information in your browser no matter how many accounts you have on whatever websites.
Stop looking at your GPS screens when you go on known routes.
Try to memorize the names of roads, squares and important landmarks in your city every time you pass them.
Keep a thing that you use regularly and keep at a particular place at some different location, try to find it the next day.
Visit memory test and exercises sites on the web.
If you are a religious persons try to memorize some paragraphs/mantras/shlokas/teachings. If you are not then try to memorize your favorite songs!

I hope you understand the importance of keeping the memory part of your brain alive n’ active, and also hope that this blog helps you to achieve that!

Celestial Errors

2011-06-02T22:30:00.000+05:30

Mythology, religion, fables, gossip and even science has played a huge role over the years in the minds of normal and weird people, about the strange happenings around which we term as UNREAL. These UNREAL happenings can be named as ghosts , healings, vibrations, miracles and so on. Science has been the slowest to accept and grasp these happenings. It took a long while for science to transit from a flat world to round, then now reaching more insights of a shapeless rock which is just appearing round due to the 70% water covering that strange lump. Thankfully with a new dimensions popping up in theories like the M-Theory (an extension to string theory) in Physics, scientists are eventually getting convinced about so many other forces acting upon us other than gravity and other conventionally accepted ones. Till science takes time solving this puzzle in scientific terms, people & beings open to experience will have their miracles and pack off.

Some scientists probably those who are pursuing string theory have apparently admitted that these experiences are often due to the errors in this whole universal system. They are like loopholes where a place in certain part of time gets distorted or tweaked causing unexplainable phenomena. Others added that it was unexplainable because its beyond our sensory perceptions of a 3D world. Mythology and religions have always told these happenings as conscious efforts by some entity living as we see it or living as we don’t see it. Their view of such phenomena is based on the foundation of their own myth or religious foundations. In todays world there are people who blindly believe in these kind of phenomena and others who simply ignore it as they would ignore a poor beggar dying on the roadside. This all commonly meets at a point of acceptance from all views if its studied and discussed properly. Scientifically, normally, supernaturally, unconsciously or not in any specific way, we all believe in what we have always termed as "The Sixth Sense".

Is sixth sense a sense that is able to cope up with all the new dimensions apart from space and time that science has come up with, or is it the only one of the many senses we aren't yet aware of. It can also be that we are aware of the multiple senses beyond our normal five, but then we are terming them all collectively under the mercy of the sixth sense. The desire to see and accept things often ends up being criticized by the busy stereotypes who are happy with their terms of busyness in life. The shallow thoughts of material world and the ignorance of their own experiences no matter how real, deprives such beings from enjoying and exploring that part of life which millions of wise humans did before the advent of material knowledge. Wisdom and knowledge hence have created a large drift in between believers of any kind. Wisdom goes hand in hand with intelligence, it cannot be created or increased in any person. You can have exercises for memory, but you cannot increase the intellectual capacity of a person. Whenever we see intellectual development apart from the natural evolvement that comes with aging, its generally only enhancement and the right use of what is existing in its given limits. Wisdom similarly has no takers or enhancing methods because it is inbuilt, it also has no scientific reason to support its existence. The Sixth Sense lies on neither of the sides. Its rather very much alive and kicking but enhances with acceptance.

These healings, ghosts, spirits or any miracles are not happenings that can be or should be categorized. A healer, saint, sage or self-realized person would call it a conscious effort where they make things happen by alternating matter. They make these changes controlling the energies that matter is subjected to, the energies that make the matter have the properties which makes it identifiable in this 3D world. Scientists or people following string theory are aware of the concept that matter gets is properties due to the frequency of the vibrating strings that it is made of. For people unaware about this part of science - "Strings are far smaller than atomic world we know (protons, neutrons, etc.) the vibration (frequency) of these strings hence create matter. The theory of a parallel universe also suggests that we (our universe) is existing in multiple projections at the same time, in short we are one of the projections. M Theory further elaborates these universes / fabrics (Rather known as branes scientifically) are seperated by fraction of a millimeter." This theory inshort is very close to the multiple projects or avatars that saints and gods might have shown us, if religion and myths are to be believed. The closest this gets to is spiritual experiences in todays world which can be as scary as a ghost or as miraculous as a healing.

Great yogis always referred to changing atomic structures of matter when they induced healings, initiated their disciples or read the inner being. Tomorrow's new age yogi's might use changes in the frequency of strings, as their representation of miracles. The effect of their efforts will vary from a man following them or loathing them. If in this age faith is making man equate monetary offerings to gods into their desired results, then their faith will also decide the direction and time for them to reach their desired goal. Maybe monetary offerings are helping them get material results but not necessary the results concerning their questions about matter that no science or knowledge could answer. The quest for the enhancement of the sixth sense shouldn't be considered as a spiritual or religious approach by non-believers. Even atheists could simply try to reason themselves about existence of everything. Science cannot be trusted beyond a certain span of time because the earth changed its shape and gravitation ended up being one of the 17 forces acting on us. There will be a lot more time till it comes in terms with the unexplainable, let it get the earths shape right first. Science surely helps us in healing or understanding the limited world, problems and creations that we are aware of, but what about those whose answers are already written in ancient scriptures or experiences of the wise?

The awareness and evolvement of our mind/spirit should be considered more and more important in todays fast moving world. Use religion, philosophy, fables or your own experiences to question, reason and enhance your awareness of existence will surely be the key. If not, one can just blame all this on science's limitations or a Celestial error.... till they want to understand it!

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TheFinalMiracle

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The Knowledge of Pain

2011-05-27T21:53:00.001+05:30

Three recent incidents gave me an insight of something what nature/god gave us but what we turned into a complication that multiplies itself due to our ability of thinking and learning.

In the first incident I met a very great person. Great in his achievements and spiritual status. He is one of those few people who has been in touch with me for quite many years no matter where he was in his material status. We always discussed life, spirituality, religion and a lot more things. He is middle-aged and has seen a lot of success in life and not many failures after that. He was crippled by accidents and ill-health right from his younger years but his management covered this fact well so that people wont it. As time passed by his ailments increased and the pain resulted in frequent hospitalizations and complications that never seemed to decrease. In our recent conversations we discussed more about his health that his career leading him to question me something painful but straightforward "How long was he going to live?" . The question baffled me not because of its essence but mainly due to the stage of fearlessness he always had reached due to the uncertainty of his ever-worsening health. He never feared death nor loved life much but he has always expressed his urge to finish his work and leave a mark behind unlike a happiness that a normal person would seek in material sense. I asked him the reason for suddenly asking me such a question. Despite being of a positive person always I wanted to know what made him think of the remains of his life suddenly! He said that he had been through a rigorous routine of consulting doctors within the country and outside India to know the source of his medical complications. After some positive talk and discussions the depressing thought was dampened and in the next meetings he didn't discuss life or death.

In the second incident there was this person who everyone knew was on his deathbed, but he had been there many times... so he had hopes. He wanted healings apart from the medical support system he was already under. Since he had been under this condition many times before he was sure of getting cured again and get back to his work, earn more money and leave more property for his family. He was known for his practicality and shrewdness in life. Apparently he would never make a decision or analysis that was only based on emotions or faith but I always used to think that he asked for healings to feel positivity more than the healing energies. Whenever I heal, I have never healed to cure. I have rather healed to enhance the souls wish to lead the path it has chosen. This time I received a message from him that he had enough of treatment and wished to leave his mortal self. He died 2 hours after the healing commenced without any pain or suffering. I visited the hospital to pay condolonces as I had to leave for some other work later and I saw this third incident where a baby who was badly injured on head was been taken inside for treatment. It was crying and screaming due to the pain but emerged smiling with a bandaged head trying to respond to playful relatives.

I couldn't stop thinking of what I had seen this short span. My memories of various accidents I had seen and experienced started flashing in front of me. I started wondering if I would be a confused person on deathbed or as I am. I wondered if people whom I respect or follow for their acceptance of life would be the same when they were closer to death. Would they be strong enough to endure or anticipation of whatever experience death brings? It is scientific and natural that a body goes into a state of painlessness if there is really a state of pain that goes beyond our endurance limits. It’s a lift saving mechanism triggered by our brain so that adverse body reactions due to pain don’t result in a death which might not be the only way in that moment. Be is accident or disease when we are in pain many people faint or go into a coma. Sometimes his painless state is also induced by doctors using painkillers on treatments as simple as a tooth-removal procedure to a complicated surgery. So for sure all this had to do with some kind of pain. But is it really the physical pain that shatters our decisions or beliefs, or is it something else?

I feel that knowing the reason of our pain is more frightening or painful than the pain itself. A child will fall down a staircase and still be smiling after an hour. An animal who is a victim of an accident might limp and heal its wounds with time and natural instincts. But if the same thing happens to an over-thinking adult person, there is a lot of fear, worry and anxiety which leads to more pain and collapse of our system. Its our knowledge of the wound, health or disease that makes us think a lot. We start to anticipate conditions that that might not be there at all, but we start imagining things and start following a certain pattern of diagnosis psychologically leading to an entire different set of problems. Our limited knowledge about our condition exceeds the ignorance about that problem in the state of panic. this leads us to taking advises from more doctors and well-wishers. The time we should spend in resting and getting healed is rather burnt in the flames of anxiety and fear. This waste of energy and time cripples us more, complicating the problem. Not to mention that the negative thought actually leads us to the problem we never were in.

All this doesn't mean that we shouldn't go through a good clinical diagnosis, treatment and our own analysis to decide the procedure for cure. But certainly we shouldn't confuse ourselves with too many advices nor on the knowledge that is not complete. What is required is such is case is mainly to decide about the path you want to take. Its better to decide on two paths instead of multiple ones because ideally any number of choices always boils down to two choices at its final stage.

Overcoming the fear of that unknown experience of death is something we all have to endure, but this wont be achieved unless we are consciousness about who we are and have been and what we want from life. The path to Moksha or Nirvana has these small steps at the end of each life we live, where we should be fearless and accepting to realize that death is not about anticipation its only about a happening which we have to go through without our choice. The pain of going through life or death will surely be minimized if we think less about the pain the both endure, and find out ways to ignore that pain to move on.

Relational Distortion

2011-05-05T20:45:00.000+05:30

Lately I have been reading a lot of music recording, arranging and mastering stuff apart, from the regular photography and editing. There is an exceptional relativity that I found in between not just in the technicalities of these two arts, but also in real life.

Everyone who is aware of digital photographs generally is aware that when we zoom the pictures we reach a level where we start seeing pixels (squares) in the image. This distortion happens due to excess dissection of the image beyond its normal resolution capacity. High-end softwares and hardwares even enable us to zoom this single pixel further which then again appears as a resolution of small dots which appear more like grain/noise than a square pixel. Even at pixel size level one cannot judge a picture forget about imagining anything at such a nano level.

In sound engineering or recording there is a similar technique to get into the details of a waveform by amplifying the certain part of the wave and getting into it. When we amplify that detail we reach to a level of finer tuning that we are looking for. At the same time the sound starts getting distorted just like the pixels in a photograph. If the waveform was to be represented in pixelated form like a digital image we would end up finding the same result as we would find in an image of finally reaching to details where we see nothing but grains.

Taking the above examples we can imagine that the images whether good or bad photographically can be judged better as a whole picture when seen from far. We can also see the color tones well which are good enough for the limited capability of the eyes. I think similar logic applies to a relation or a person we try to judge. No matter how much you love or hate a person, the more you will try to study that person the more unclear and distorted the whole judgement will become. Its like looking at a beautiful woman and admiring her from far, and then suddenly getting close to her skin to see if its as flawless as it appears from far… it won’t be or it might be more than it should be.

Realistic approach in maintaining relations and judgements about people is very important. This realistic approach lies in the understanding of the distance we choose to keep from that person and the importance we give to that relation. If we try to dissect and investigate everything in detail nothing will seem perfect. Like I always say… there would be no importance for peace if there was no evil around. The same way expecting a relation or a person to be flawless is stupidity. Yes you can analyze or study a case from a distance if there is any problem occurring, but for the right analysis and results you will have to maintain a distance and see that you don’t get too close. So close that you will blur your own vision!

Incredibly Networked

2011-04-14T13:36:00.000+05:30

Today I was sitting down wondering what to do from tomorrow. Well for some reason the co-incidence was that it is a kind of a new year for us. A festival called Gudi Padwa. I said why not think about a work reform seriously. The first thing I decided was to cut down my computer usage when I am not needed around it. My applications and workload always takes of itself with automated queues and stuff. I have been using the computer mouse more than the keyboard for editing pictures more than music almost 12 hours in a day. Its started to give signs of wear and tear including an extra skin padding that has appeared on the wrist where the hand touches the desk. It aches very badly quite often, especially when I sleep. I don't realize any pain, cold, sweat, etc. when I work. The first step I decided for cutting down computer use was to go the traditional information highway of reading books. I cannot sit and gossip more than once a week and for more than a few minutes. My brain needs munching and thinking which will not just make sense but will help me and to help others in future. Being obsessed with my own work I couldn't digest the idea too well. I am reading a book atleast for an hour everyday since a year, and a lot more information on the internet but then I have to stay away from the computer and still read... err a book.

Well ok. I thought lets start with reading about a bit of sound engineering and mixing. A huge part of my spirit and mind would accept this knowing that this will be helpful in very near future. Ofcourse I have done a lot of reading with online help documents, pdfs and forums but lets start with a book I thought to myself. Now since I have bought some official recording and mixing softwares I got free guides with them in PDF format. Printing 600 pages of stuff wouldn't be a good idea. I always remember forever whatever I read so those 600 pages would be waste for the environment as well as considering non-reuse. Finding the PDF burnt on some DVD amongst thousands of DVDs didn't seemed a bad idea. So lets download it again I decided. After a long long time the word DOWNLOAD took me way down into thinking of how incredibly we are connected now, especially at such gigantic speeds. Processing power did increase but it didn't show as much because new softwares and operating systems gobbled up all that processing. So even today, with easier access of operating systems the digital world still feels slow as MS-DOS time processing to me. Yes a lot of codes are crunched and processed in the background but still who cares about them as a consumer?!?! As a consumer I am concerned about what happens in front of me when I give a command via mouse, voice or a keyboard.

Downloading a 100MB book doesn't seem horrifying today. Infact my everyday uploads of images to stock agencies must be something around 1GB. Download depends upon what I find. But normally I would download around 3-4 GB of stuff if I had the time to find it. My computer is working 23.5 hours a day. It sleeps only for half an hour to cool down, that’s when I wake up. Just 10 years back in 2001, Michael Jackson's Invincible album was about to release. GHOST wasn't still available in India officially. The only way to get it was to download it from somewhere or ask someone in the US to mail it to me. The mailing idea failed so I resorted to finding out sources on the web. The only quality and reliable download I could find was using IRC protocol over a chat host. We used to have a 56.6 kbps line in an internet café which was 20kbps more than normal home connections. So considering that speed we needed around 72 or more hours to sit disconnected to download that stuff. Me and my friend did manage to do so with a lot of night time taken care of by my friend. With a failure due to disconnections

in between, we finally managed to download it one day by keeping the download on for around 4 days. Fortunately the hosts (like seeders we call for torrents today) were co-operative and we got our result.

I am sure than none of us are taking the high-speed connectivity or the increasing storage capacity for granted. I have some different question in my mind. Its not making me anxious nor very excited. Considering the way this connectivity speed, its ways and storage medium increasing and changing are we becoming slaves to the machines even before they are capable of becoming our masters? Its undeniable that we ourselves are powering machines with the intelligence and processing power that will help them overcome their limitations and mainly the dependency on humans. One huge snag in the connectivity like an EMP will struck like a bolt to almost everyone of us who use the internet even for 15 minutes in a day. The tendency to GOOGLE things or WIKI them to find quick answers is shutting down our natural memory capacity because we know that what we search for can be searched for again in a matter of seconds, while remembering it will take a lot of efforts. I am not going to go against this evolution that is inevitable but I can be sure that humans that are capable of storing and processing data without machines will triumph regardless of the failure or success of machines. The digital connectivity does help us reach out to more people than we can handle, but it is also taking out the time and quality we can give to fewer relations. So emotions and relations will be suffering as well.

How to prepare for this future? I don't think there is any other way than backing up all that data, all those online friends, all the knowledge we acquired in our own brains than relying on systems that don’t belong to us. If even 40% of the online companies providing free services go paid, we will stop using them and feel handicapped for quite much time. Its time to go and take that deep breath outside and still feel connected to the digital and real world!

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TheFinalMiracle

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False Prophets Cry of Doom

2011-04-03T13:32:00.000+05:30

I Have To Find My Peace Cuz No One Seems To Let Me Be

False Prophets Cry Of Doom What Are The Possibilities

I Told My Brother There’ll Be Problems, Times And Tears For Fears,

We Must Live Each Day Like It’s The Last!

(Michael Jackson - JAM)

I don't know if it’s a good thing writing this blog, for a person like me who prophesizes or predicts things. With 2012 closing in, the doomsday prophecies have started making headlines again. The latest stupidity was about the two dates 09/11/2001 (911 US WTC) and the latest 03/11/2011 (Japan Tsunami) dates adding together to form the exact doomsday date 12/22/2012. in 2000 When it was the millennium time same kind of prophecies supposedly predicted by Nostradamus were haunting people. I guess till the ball dropped everyone was quite serious about how and what would happen! An Armageddon a tsunami or what? But times just 10 years back were slow in spreading panic over the globe. What changed now is facebook and twitter, not to mention cheap News channels and web-feeds which support such speculations. A human mind generally likes to embrace such predictions which talk about devastating effect. I don't know if our sub-conscious finds exciting adventures on a imaginative realm or is it something else. Such news fascinate the prophets as well as the rest of the world which accepts them. Even people who deny prophecies do keep discussing these publicly. It’s the fascination like we have for betting for things we believe in. Who will win and who will loose. With our limited intelligence and logics we support or oppose these prophecies, but we become a part of it. We also play the bad game by helping spread them around through discussions like I am myself doing right now.

Being in the network of so many spiritual people worldwide, I have friends in social networks who deal with all these cosmic things that cannot be explained by science. I am proud to be a part of that world, but I am not proud to know those who are time and again reminding people of such doomsdays when everyone already knows about it. There are some really stupid people calling themselves spiritual talking about normal solar flares as pounding firing from sun to start bad radioactive effects on poor earthlings. See the universe with your eyes. We are just like that dot of a star in the sky or even smaller considering its size. Why does anyone have to think that the doom of a planet, sun or a solar system be so calculated by the cosmos? Won't cosmos have better things to do than planning a destruction of a small planet with life, which is again one of many others hosting life? Is the cosmos primitive than our technology which also has the capability to program destruction which is based on situations (failures of systems) and not time-bound always.

I wouldn't like to judge the MAYANS for the doomsday predictions because I don't believe that we have been really able to understand their calculations! Is there anything I can do if I know for sure that I am going to die tomorrow? Considering that the earth will be destroyed due to some cosmic calculation shouldn't be my problem as much as my own death should be. Is anyone a messiah or a god to really take care of this problem of saving the world from destruction? If you do want to believe in the doomsday theory then do that by preparing to embrace death peacefully and happily more than creating a panic around! The world that we believed is round and 360 degree sphere with 12 equal parts for time and also constellations is shaken as well. What about the new 13th constellation? Are we seeing 360 degree 3D objects just because the shape of our eyes is limited to see till that level? I would rather say that the MAYANs knew much more than this. Even if we assume that their calculations were perfect we cannot assume to understand their science and maths for sure. We cannot claim to be as intelligent as them because we are believing in a system that we know about very less.

My own prophecy is that we will live very well through the coming years and 2012 is not a big deal. But for those people who get scared of prophecies from prophets like myself I would say, "If you live to see the dawn of 2013 then stop believing in any doomsday prophecies that you come across. Most importantly stop believing in those spiritual leaders and gurus who are creating a panic again and again for their own benefit using such prophecies!" The destruction of our planet is happening in front of our eyes and with our own hands. We don’t need some cosmic system to destroy us. Again don't start thinking about the radiation leak in Japan. I am not talking about it. Though it’s a dangerous thing happening its not as devastating. There are a lot more calamities and natural disasters to come but life has always won. Even if the dinosaurs were destroyed by an asteroid, life still evolved reaching to a stage which we are in. There is more to learn maybe the machines will take over, the artificial intelligence will take over the natural one. How does that all matter in this lifetime. The future generations are more intelligent and capable enough to take care of all these problems. Adding a point, I would also say that when we talk about machines being alive we are talking of silicon life unlike carbon based like ours. Recent researches showed non-carbon based lifeforms right on our planet. Maybe there are lifeforms that not all can see, which survive and thrive on other natural resources.

Lets wake up each day trying to plan what we can do for ourselves and people we care for, regardless of doomsdays or blessings. Finally what we get is what we think and anticipate. If you want to end yourself up so soon... keep calculating the countdown. The rest can join me to live even after any kind of destruction happening around. I am here for a purpose and I won't die till I serve it! :)

Kalyug? Maybe! For me its just a change!

2011-03-20T02:14:00.000+05:30

Related photoshoot of this blog is here - http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2084914&id=1060215614&l=a42e05fb3e

Meerabai - a saint, a singer, one of the only devotees and lover of Lord Krishna! An icon from Rajasthan and one of the leading saints of the Vaishnava Bhakti Movement. It might be a myth or a reality but her love for Krishna symbolized the ideal love for many of her own followers and Krishna’s. Following ideals is always a big ordeal and suffering from people who pretend to follow is greater ordeal.

Today I prayed to Lord Vishnu, Krishna and Meerabai herself. I asked them to forgive me for what I was going to do next. I knew they would forgive me because they are not judgemental like people are, and they know what I did symbolized something from the weird world that we might call as KALYUG or just some horror changes happening in our lifestyle that are shameful. My step my shock my own supporters, but then I don’t care.

Today I burnt down the idol of Meerabai that I had bought as a symbol of pure love. A love that what we call today as platonic friendship or some shit like that! I had no right to burn her down, I burnt down what I expected in the wrong time. Maybe I burnt down the person or people whom I somewhat felt where like Meerabai. I was wrong doing that because Meerabai was Meerabai, pure and real! No one can really replace someones greatness just like me or any better artist cannot replace Michael Jackson no matter how close they might perform.

The burning down marked a huge change in my life tonight. I burnt down all expectations, ideals and faith in people I force my faith into. Its not about trusting or not trusting someone, but its about knowing that no one is going to be the same person after some time, there are only a few who stay 18 till they die. That was an example, but yes.. there really are people who never change with the influence of society, religion or paternal conditioning.

For people who know me since long, I only had once inspiration for my art or whatever kindness that lives in me for anyone. There was only ONE and I was forced by the society and the religious morals to wipe it off and was left out blank. The flame flickered somewhere and it existed as an inspiration, yet it couldn’t really inspire me anymore. Todays burnt Meera will be my inspiration now to write and compose songs, to click photographs, to make paintings in future and mainly counsel people into believing that someone like Meerabai existed for real, she will exist even now but don’t make the mistake of comparing some living person in a short time with such legendary lives!

P.S for THEFINALMIRACLE users - Life was expected to change in April, but its changing 1 month before. I don’t know how astrologically or as a psychic. But I am happy. I think its changing to create unexpected results which I always end up with! I love my life now!

Slavery Management

2011-03-03T22:34:00.002+05:30

I partially started spiritual counseling and healing since December on www.thefinalmiracle.com/spiritual. That was after a very long break that I again started working on the site till I am ready to launch the site back commercially! Getting back to the point, since my initial sessions since 10 years back till date, I found that there is a lot we all have to do with slavery. 90% of problems around us are our perceptions and those that really exist are due to the indirect service we are providing others without questioning.

The definition of Stable life has become stable income, stable emotions, stable relations and all other stable things of comfort and luxury that keep growing. We are no longer happy with bread, shelter, rest and sex. We want everything in a lavish way. Many want to use a blackberry as a status symbol not even knowing what BB services are really about. If there is an I-Pad then many don’t even know the existence of a tablet thanks to the marketing of apple Inc. Many buy windows computer not knowing that they are only buying a PC with windows loaded in it. Many are working for a an established firm and are not knowing that they are only providing a service that they are capable of. The credit of working in that company is the credit of the owners who made the brand worth buying as well as to be worked for. Many are doing business with esteemed clients and expanding their ventures totally forgetting the peak they really wanted to climb.

No doubt that most of us have become slaves of money and the majority of them will claim that its because of the pressures in life and not to mention the demands put up by ‘loved ones or not so loved ones’. There are unthinkable definitions of stability or what a decent income should be. We have our own cravings and own dreams and we need finance for that too if not for luxury, in that case we are doing something else to finance that dream (like I am doing photography). I do many things which I don’t want to do so I can party on weekends, buy new gadgets or new equipment to support my business and ofcourse to support family. But finally we are not just being slaves of money, we are being slaves to people, systems and even things that are providing us not a good amount but just a dime.

I couldn’t do counseling for 4-5 years blaming on my financial or emotional state of mind. I thought I had a huge responsibility to pay of the loans, have a decent lifestyle and be stable financially. Getting back, I realize I could have been much more stable if I hadn’t done the things for money that I have. It would have kept me in control, kept me fearless against blackmailers and mainly focused on what I wanted to do all this life.

Regardless of the bosses, family or any people that influence and pressure us considering their special authority in our life, we should never forget that if they are demanding things more than they promised to… then they are exploiting us. And slowly whether they want to treat us slaves or not, we start giving them the habit of using their power and authority in a wrong way by behaving like some downbeat slaves. We start providing them with service that we never guaranteed because they have been promising us of a better tomorrow or better relation. The contracts we pull have clear terms and conditions which guarantee our legal stand, but they do not talk about the extra services we provide out of own desire, due to greed. To illustrate this, take an example…

Two friends start a business one as an investor (X) and one who is actually going to work (Y). This understanding is verbal in between these friends. They start the business. Initially Y who is supposed to do all the work insists his investor friend X to bring in some referral clients to get the launching power for their business. X agrees and delivers some contacts on which Y starts working. They initially share the decided profit of 50%. Then Y suddenly realizes that he is doing a lot more job than X is. Despite of knowing the fact of the incapability of being an investor Y starts demanding some more involvement from X. X initially agrees to do some work in hope for the business to increase and hence more profits. Y unknowingly registers in his brain than X has fallen for his earlier complain, so there is more complain coming up of inflation and costs to run the company. X starts getting pressured but is unable to leave the company considering his investment. He has to wait till the investment is returned.

With new demands from Y for a new office infrastructure, phone lines and equipment to enhance company profile infront of new clients X falls in with investing more money securing loans from elsewhere. With new loans that have been invested in a company where he had not planned to work X knows that to recover the money he has to invest his efforts, since he is going to loose money not Y. Y starts getting involved in other petty jobs for his extra incomes and starts ignoring his company knowing that X will work anyhow to pay back his loans. X starts getting irritated and decides to settle the issue with Y, the reason he had decided not to work in this company because he had his own existing business to handle. When confronted Y says to X that due to his financial situation X imposed the workload on him taking disadvantage. Y blames X for negligence and the existing state of the company and has created enough false evidence to prove in the court that X had blackmailed him into the workload commitment using financial power.

In the end X keeps working till his loans are repayed and till he reaches a no profit – no loss situation. Y starts taking the credit for the company’s growth and credibility in the market. X decides to mutually close down the company to avoid future problems.

In the above example, X didn’t just suffer losses due to Y’s intended and non-intended actions. X actually suffered from losing out on his existing business not being able to give it time to support the new one which acted as an extra earning. Though financially X did get cheated and ended in a loss than Y did, what X lost was his confidence, self-esteem and the power to stand up and invest in a new venture with a person who might be better than Y. Though X was in a position to dominate or stay in his own position X fell in for the perks or the hope for more performance and more profits from a venture that was new to him. He got blinded by the quick profits which were due to Y’s skills but failed to understand Y as a person who could change with greed just like X did.

Did Y win or not would be a stupid question. If X could invest and got cheated, Y’s reputation would surely suffer a backlash in the long wrong from the people they know and of course the people they don’t know that were watching them. Y would never have support or trust from X ever in life. If Y was really unintentional in all his moves, his own guilty conscience will keep him away from asking any favors to X in future. In the other case if Y intended his every move or was adviced by someone to take these steps he is bound to be more confident to cheat the next person he can trap.

The problem with this kind of a story is that we ourselves see it happening everyday around us or with ourselves. Like X we keep our mouth shut, our desires hidden, our risks taken for financial hopes not really calculating what is happening with ourselves as a person. I myself have suffered such situations but fortunately learned to come out of it. If there are people trying to wrongly pressurize you due to their authority or relation, learn to manipulate them into their own trick. Don’t be scared about the blame game they might try to put in public because their supporters will always be people that they just met, everyone else will always know the right/good person. No law can make or break a business/personal relation. So fearing such a law which supports their false allegations makes no sense, if the law is weak enough to support their false allegations it will be weak to support your false allegations too if you plan to make any.

Life is about a balance. People who take a beating choose to do it blaming it on various causes like I mentioned above. The blaming should be first pointed to us. If someone is accusing you falsely of something try to reflect that accusation back without doing anything false. Be strategically strong and morally right in life, this will save you from the worst punishment of regret or guilt. If someone does hurt you beyond limits and you get fed up with the lies, get back to them by proving their accusations right. For whatever the ways you need to be strong and confident. If you are scared of a system, situation or a person that is making you sad or helpless then there is no way you can ever be happy. Revenge is never preached by saints and preachers, I am just a man…. But I preach revenge. History has proved that Revenge has been the only reason behind huge successes. Revenge also has helped calm down frustrated and angered souls which were tortured by others. Life is about a fight and survival right from the basic stage of evolution. We still carry that reptilian brain within us which serves as the deepest part of our brain. IF we deny our own depth we will perish in the world of morality which is ruled by people having no morals. Don’t rule if you don’t have qualities of a leader, choose to follow.. but don’t ever be slaves to any living being, existing system or definitions of good life created by a society which had the time to define those.

Darkroom Vs Lightroom

2010-11-15T23:25:00.000+05:30

I just completed 9000 downloads and record earnings on a single stock agency. I don’t think there could be a more appropriate time to write this blog. Since I never learnt photography nor was I ever inclined to know the traditional ways of composition or techniques I always found it wrong to address this serious issue which I was unable to discuss with traditional practitioners. After almost 5 years being in the business I feel I can let out some frustration and understanding about photography and how it differs when you do it commercially instead as a hobby.

The most important thing that changed for me after starting to sell images was my choice of a shoot. I suddenly stopped clicking pictures I knew that won’t sell or maybe those which could sell but not at that quality which the situation provided me. I found no point in taking a picture for fun. Earlier I regretted this a lot as an artist. I thought the commercial aspect was curbing my creativity, but I was totally wrong. After say 2 years, I could still get the frames that I ignored with a better perspective and a commercial value. I feel if not art our time is as valuable in life. We might not be interested in earning a lot from our art at a certain time, but when we realize that we can fund the art itself from earnings we start getting serious. Better equipment and accessories surely mean more quality. If this all is bought from the art’s earnings it might ease the load on our regular income which might go to routine living expenses.

Entering stock was about quality standards which meant ‘no noise’, ‘crisp sharpness’, ‘nice colors’ and mainly ‘artistic & saleable’. Shortly since I don’t click any images that require a very high shutter speed I got obsessed with lower ISOs as I always was. None of my image exceeds 100 ISO except for a handful that were lucky to be shot at 200 ISO. This gave me a lot of discipline in terms of holding a camera still for low light pictures that too without a tripod. Though I bought a good tripod later, I still avoided using it unless it was a real long exposure.

This then brings me to another important topic which actually is the title of my blog. What changed during recent years from the past? Most importantly it is the number of photographers that have sprung up from nowhere and majority of them are taking a formal training. Is it because the prices of camera’s crashed??? No I don’t feel so. The SLR still comes in similar price ranges. There are two other major reasons for the change. One, there is a lot of variety available from consumer cameras to SLRs and second, there is no cost of buying a roll, developing and printing involved. If there are 100 photographers today 95% of them don’t even know DARKROOM or the techniques, maybe that’s why Adobe found LIGHTROOM a more marketable name.

With digital cameras having a good automated processing, enhanced colors everyone who clicks starts feeling that he/she is a great photographer. It is positive initially but wasn’t for the photography industry. This was proved when in initial years prices fell due to cheap photographs available in market from amateurs. With photography courses on the prowl there are frequent exhibitions / expositions. One never wonders to look at the technical quality of the pictures in terms of full size viewing. Generally if 100 (good) photographers are given a single subject, 80% from them who had a course on photography will click similar picture. The rest 20 will click a different picture with more creativity put in, but will it be a sharp shot and good one at 100% viewing size? No one would care especially because they will pass off saying they are not here to sell their art, they are doing it as a hobby. Then why aren’t the real hobbyists taking the view size as lightly as they are?

If any kind of artform has to be saved a serious note and understanding has to be taken by a non-buying audience about the quality of the photography they might get to see with awe. Serious buyers wouldn’t surely miss factors like grain, sharpness and the overall frame. I hate using the term composition these days because the more time I spent in photography the more I realized I could play with people’s mind about composition. Though there were strict composition rules or layouts, they don’t exist any much more. I had many rejections in my initial days of photography till I remained adamant to show my composition structures which were proved by the sales. There was something unique and original about those.

I think all photographers, professionals and hobbyists should try to look beyond their equipment into darkroom and lightroom and explore more possibilities of better pictures using graphic editing softwares like photoshop. If one really surveys it will be found that almost everyone is clicking the same kind of frame and getting the right colors, but are they looking perfect at 100% blowup? Does one know the importance of sharpness or grain? Printing has been a history to me now. I have 40 DVDs containing my photography of last 5 years, but there is not a single image from it that I have printed yet. Never thought of doing that, and maybe never will. This will save paper too. Before printing any images from digital photography also keep in mind the GREEN VALUE of saving paper. The photos we print we don’t see more than 50 times in life. You might as well see them on your TV /computer screens. I can agree that some blowouts and family portraits could be printed for your house interior enhancement.

This blog was not about criticizing any amateur photographers, it was just my view for photographers who really want to feel good about their work… especially with digital photography where everything should be less dependent on your camera processors and more about your post-processing. When we have got rid of the hard-work required in DARKROOM it doesn’t mean we should leave everything to machines and leave everything to the LIGHTROOM. Freak out and create your new rules and be unique. Whether you have a D-SLR or a normal consumer camera does matter but not for creativity. No one can tell this to you better than me knowing that my best-sellers and a high amount of my portfolio images are the one taken from consumer cams randomly, just because they are easy to carry anywhere!

Michael’s Fans – We are his swords & shields

2010-11-13T19:27:00.000+05:30

By : Nikhil Gangavane

The recent excitement and speculation of a Michael Jackson album with new material was suppressed by controversies as usual but there was a huge difference this time. Till Michael was alive it was the media that created the problems and fuelled allegations, this time its hurtful to see so many fans fuelling a controversy that is finally going to affect Michael’s legacy. I can understand sentiments of Michael Jackson fans because I have been one for so many years following his every move and his feelings and most importantly respecting them. Most of the fans feel that just because SONY BMG supported my fan club, I support them. They are entirely wrong.

In this blog I want to explain fans not just the business side of the whole thing, but how are we ourselves harming Michael Jackson’s legacy in all this FAKE voice fiasco we have set up.

A few years ago when Michael was charged with false molestation charges I wrote a song called “THE MICHAEL JACKSON ANTHEM”. I wasn’t very proud about the music arrangement part of the song, but I was surely very happy with my lyrics. The main line in the song which told the world about US… the fans was “WE’RE NOT JUST FANS… WE ARE HIS SWORDS AND SHIELDS!” And today what is happening is not intentional harm to Michael or his legacy, but we have been indirectly hurting his reputation and status by ourselves showing disbelief in what is been given to us. Are we an army staging a mutiny against our own king… our idol??? To understand what I am trying to tell, get off the shoes of being a MJ fan and see it as a third person and also as SonyBMG.

Releasing new Michael stuff had to be challenging because most of the songs released here might now have worked or finalized by Michael in the studio in production terms. They were raw and wouldn’t have been produced well until an album of unreleased material itself was final till he was alive. One fact that many of the fans are failing to notice is that even when Michael was alive THIS IS IT concert and the album related to it was coming through SONYBMG anyway apart from Mike’s hatred for the label that was displayed in 2001. The hatred was specifically targeted at Tommy Mottolla (HEAD OF SONY AT THAT TIME) and then against all music labels which were exploiting artist. The scene reached a different level when it was specifically staged as Music labels treating black(African-American) artists disrespectfully and cheating them.

Now as a third person let us consider that SONY BMG is exploiting Michael’s material for their profits. But any music label would be doing the same. I wouldn’t like to mention the other beneficiaries of Michael’s work who are on equal profit terms as SONY BMG, but many fans would conveniently want to ignore that fact. I don’t know how many of you are aware of a new contract that came out through TMZ on Friday that showed another negotiation did by a Jackson Family member. Now even when we are considering that SONY is profiting from Michael, Sony wouldn’t sake its reputation by using a fake voice like Jason Malachi as Michael’s voice. We as Michael fans have been doing a free publicity and PR stunt for Jason Malachi… something that would have cost him thousands of dollars. Sony, any other music label, any sound engineer or music producer doesn’t need Jason Malachi to sound like Michael Jackson. The sound technology today is advanced enough to use voco-coders, Sound wavelets and many other effects that can artificially produce Michael’s sounds at a certain pitch and pronounciations. Wavelets can make it happen. This is safer for Sony that putting Jason Malachi on Michael’s record.

On the other hand, regardless of the truth and lies all fans should remember that it is the sales that is going to matter to any person on the planet that will prove Michael’s success again. If fans are talking about doing piracy and not buying album, despite of being a release of new material after Invincible then we are creating a loss for Michael. The sales are going to prove how influential he and his music still is in todays world. Michael always wanted to release an album that would surpass the sales of Thriller, and if fans are not going to buy his albums and do piracy this will hurt his legacy in the long run. The album should be bought by every fan. I am not against listening to leaked tracks… downloaded tracks but see what the media will have to say after the sales are less. The media will portray the whole thing as a failure of Michael to lure fans into buying music.

This debate is totally useless as well as harmful to whatever the news is telling today. Fans should know that there is no alternative than buying albums that will be released only through SONY in the coming years. And not buying them might hit on the profits of MJ estate, his family as well as sony, but the harm to his legacy and reputation for sales will be much higher. The debates on forums, social networks and blogs have been so pathetic that some fan clubs and communities had to ban the topics on their forums or even messages posted anywhere else. For a change be positive and if you don’t want to buy the album keep it to yourself.

Consider this in a simple way. Akon recently said “Jesus died of our sins and Michael died because of the sins of the media. Jesus had bible but Michael had Wikipedia.” This Wikipedia is the reaction of fans on fan sites, forums and social networks. The more negativity we generate the media will lap it up in its own way. Instead of being emotional for some reason that cannot be solved and illogical for something practical we should try to see what result we want to achieve. Not for us but for Michael. I know that this album might not topple sales for thriller, but it can become the best-selling album of 2010 if fans are determined.

Before winding up I would again like to mention that I am not a SONY BMG freak. I am a Michael Jackson fan but since I am in entertainment industry in some way or the other I understand some business of how it works. I am neither a celebrity nor a successful producer, but for me what matters is what we are doing as an ARMY of Michael. There is this ignorance that engulfed us due to emotional reasons but we have to unite and break through it. The possibilities of many more unreleased stuff will be ruined if the first album after he is gone, is received so badly. So I pray and hope that all fans understand what we have to achieve keeping aside our feelings of hatred for some entities… for some obvious reasons. Let us just be Michael’s fans and nothing else for the days to come! L.O.V.E

THIS BLOG CAN BE FREELY PUBLISHED ON ANY WEBSITE / EDITORIAL / PRINT as long as a link is provided back the THE MICHAEL JACKSON ANTHEM PAGE & http://nikhilgangavane.blogspot.com

Life in a Bus Ride

2010-10-20T01:24:00.003+05:30

Time and again bollywood reminds of a dialogue that people keep repeating to each other “Ladkiyan buses jaisi hoti hai... ek jaati hai to doosri chali aati hai” (Girls are like buses, if you miss one bus you can always catch the next one). I don’t know whether this is a pessimist dialogue or something that really solves depression of a heartbroken lover. Thinking about it more deeply made me feel like this whole BUS transportation system works with different characters and entities in all relations. Just trying trying to put through a stupid idea that popped up in my head. This aint a serious blog like I always write... I am too busy or maybe emotionally exhausted at the moment to write the usual blogs. When this idea came up at 1 AM at night, I still went ahead to put i down to fill up the missing gap in the timeline of my blogs. I hope I make it short I have to wake up early tomm.

TYPE 1 Person : A PASSENGER who stands on the bus stop and waits for the bus to come. Might or might not catch the right bus. If the person missed the right bus one will catch the different one taking to the same decision. In a bad case the person catches the wrong bus in desperation to get down at a junction and then change the bus again. In the worst case the person gets no bus.

TYPE 2 Person : The person is THE BUS itself. Maybe one passenger or more get in. The bus travels from one source to destination enjoying every single passenger ride on it. Taking this seriously if the bus takes more passengers than it actually should causing an overload, it will eventually breakdown half way. The bus not being a small vehicle keeps carrying multiple passengers ruining itself due to wear and tear.

TYPE 3 Person : The driver would rather represent a person who is influencing the TYPE 2 PERSON - THE BUS. The driver is driving the bus and in some way trying to convince the bus that the destination that the driver is taking it to, is the right destination. One can imagine of a HIJACK here. :)

TYPE 4 Person : The TICKET CHECKER who is controlling who can get in the bus and who cannot. The poor bus might not want an overload or just rely on the ticket checker to check that the right people are riding it with the right permissions (tickets). If the ticket checker is corrupt or stupid... the bus will break down.

TYPE 5 Person : THE ILLEGAL PASSENGER is a kind of person who will get into the bus just for a free ride. The bus is so much used to multiple passengers and so is the conductor who might miss on even checking on a passenger traveling for free. This kind of passenger has the least to loose. It has a habit of climbing into any bus with a particular destination in mind. He enjoys the ride and gets away clean.

If a relational algorithm is created from the above entities, one will find that all these roles are habitual. The role of the bus and the passenger itself are worst. Replace a bus with a vehicle that a passenger is trying to buy. A passenger might be buying a new vehicle not knowing that it is used, at the same time the passenger might be buying a used vehicle not knowing how many times it has been used for real. In the worst case the passenger might not be aware that this vehicle is jinxed to change its owners too soon. In the vehicles case the vehicle might find a new buyer wealthy and nice hoping for royal life, but the buyer might be renting out the vehicles! The vehicle might not be maintained or attended well if the buyer has too many of them. A buyer might abuse the used vehicle if it fails to perform as much as the seller had promised him it would, or maybe it fails to perform as much as it did in the trial ride.

In whatever the cases the drivers, ticket checkers and the bus stops have nothing to loose. The spectators might be people around traveling in other modes of transportation just watching you and gossiping about u but these drivers & ticket checkers can be dangerous. Drivers and ticket checkers are the people who can influence your life or control you unknowingly. Mostly stupid, indecisive or overconfident people will fall in their corrupt traps.

The public transport vehicles represent people who are known to keep only few people like driver and ticket checker on board all the time while changing the passengers habitually all the time. They might be circulating the people in a particular relation many times and still not feeling anything wrong or messy about it. They are so much used to the fact that they are confident to carry next passenger till whatever destination as long as they can. The passengers who board or buy wrong vehicles are generally emotional fools who go more on instincts and less on logic and suffer equally boarding or buying a wrong vehicle.

To end the blog finally to make the friends of my spiritual network happy - ITS FATE! hahaha but still I suggest you all to identify with the above examples and then correct yourself or play safe!

God Bless

By God's Invitation Only

2010-08-15T13:56:00.001+05:30

Since more than a year I had been told by an astrologer to go and worship Balaji at Tirumala (Tirupati) as some remedy to my problems. Being into spiritual healing, counselling and astrology as well I follow all these things very devotedly. Lord Balaji is known to be very kind to his devotees especially when it deals with money matters as its told. Well I didn’t need the astrologer to tell me to visit the pilgrimage, I myself had been wanting to go there since a long time. There is a strange thing about some temples which are really active in their powers. “You cannot go there till the God invites you”, they say. Well one cannot die and go to heavens also till God says according to me so temple is as difficult, simple logic. Saibaba at Shirdi, Tirupati and some more religious places are known for this kind of invitation. If you go uninvited, you somewhat never reach the temple for some or the other reason. I have experienced it myself many times. Hence one should also never leave an opportunity to go there when invited.

This time the invitation came unexpected when my sister, bro-in-law and their family were going and asked me to join them. The invitation was at the wrong time because it has been during my worst financial crisis ever, but then after all I am supposed to go to the God who is known to shower his devotees with good amount of wealth. With a bit of financial arrangements made I decided to go with a lot of hope in my heart and faith in Lord Venkateshwara who would surely help me out. Well one would wonder where was the invitation. Invitations are supposed to be hints like this. The plans of me wanting to go there for years didn’t ever materialize. Though this was my 3rd visit. Surprisingly I realized that I am going every 10 years. I went there the last time in 1990 and then in 2000, this is 2010!

Lord Venkateshwara (Balaji) is actually an incarnation / avatar of Lord Vishnu and Lord Vishnu is actually very hard to please. Lord Vishnu, since he is considered the creator of all universes, the supreme, THE ONE tests a devotee a lot, not in one but many lives. No wonder this incarnation of lord Vishnu known to answer prayers attracts thousands of pilgrims everyday throughout the year. I started wondering if lord Vishnu was gonna test me again in this form too. After all life has been in the worst phase and tests last 4-5 years and I had been through a gruelling session of trying to pass them, maybe not in high ranks. Unfortunately I was right.

The kanyakumari express which I boarded did leave Pune station on time but when it halted at Solapur at 1 o’ clock in night I heard some rumours of a train accident that happened ahead on the track. A bridge had collapsed taking a train down into the river and some of it straight into some corn fields. My fears came true when the staff told me at WADI station that the train would now be taken from another route via Hyderabad, Secundarabad, Vijaywada, Tenali and then would join the station - Renugunta which was just 10 minutes before our destination. The whole detour made a 12 hour delay in the whole journey. The water and food in the train exhausted and so did the patience of all the passengers.

I somewhat cannot sit in the train doing nothing I love standing at the door. It is very risky but almost everyone does it, but it taught me a lesson this time. After brushing my teeth at 8 at Secunderabad station I boarded the train, had some coffee and breakfast and was standing at the door when suddenly the door for some reason banged on my rear pushing me outside. Since I had held the bars on the sides firmly my legs flung out for some moments till they came back to a position that I could push myself in. I was lucky that my legs weren’t stretched out when there was the regular pole passing near the door. I would have been without legs by now if it was the case. The episode kinda scared me but still didn’t stop me from standing at the door. Finally I was going to the temple and God saved me from getting handicapped, surely sounds like blind faith or stupidity.

Standing at the doors for almost 8 of the 12 hours of the journey doesn’t sound comfortable but was a pleasure all the way. Whatever way we took ran through many parts of forest areas. I saw scenes that I had never seen in my life. The scenes resembled something that might be seen in some Hi-Definition nature documentary or stories only. We passed a huge expanse or marshes or maybe a lake which was totally covered with white lotuses and water lilies. It was buzzing with honeybees and other insects and the heavenly aroma actually filled the air, except for the stink that the diesel locomotive was leaving on its way. Some 200 kms later a similar situation replaces with countless butterflies in white, copper, green and light blue colors. There were so many that it appeared like some paper pieces flying due to wind from a distance. The scenery looked really beautiful but somewhat confused me. It had a diverse combination of vegetation from high altitude areas as well as coastal palms. A regular passenger told me that the area before and a bit after Vijaywada was a conserved forest belt. But Vijaywada was loaded with heavily polluting power plants, cement factories and other industries. Tenali station reminded me of Tenali Raman stories, I don’t know if the name really has to do with that man. Finally when the train reached Renugunta at 12.00 AM at night, we were happy as our station (Tirupati) was just 10 mins away. We got another shock when we came to know that since the train had reached back on its original track it was gonna wait here for 1 hour for refills. We also filled ourselves up with coffee only to reach our station at 1.30AM at night.

Tirupati station was loaded with rats n’ mice running around the sleeping passengers on the platform. It was anything but clean. Nothing had changed it in since 10 - 20 years since I had seen it except for the newly erected buildings around. The roads were still filthy though there were hardworking cleaners working even at that time of the night. We got a decent hotel and then the stay was smooth with expected crowds, pilgrims and the system which somewhat seems to work efficiently. There were 2 sad parts about the trip. First that I fell terribly ill with such a high fever that I couldn’t hear things properly and i was walking like a zombie, not knowing what I am doing. The 2nd thing was knowing that money speaks even at religious places like this. Of course I knew this from before but then experiencing it was more important.

Coming back I didn’t see any good effects around till last week. I was hoping for miracles to happen very soon like it did for others. I didn’t get good news about resurrection of my faltering finances until last week. Things are not good otherwise in terms of personal life. I wonder if there is any god to solve these problems. But I guess our spirit lives in a certain body to face these relations and survive through them. Well that was a joke. There are all kinds of gods for all kinds of purposes. You need to study a lot of religion for that, but then its better to study yourself more. I think everyone is busy today with matters of wealth and then enjoyment. I wonder how many people really give time to think about themselves or rather would they consider that important?

I think its high time we should think about ourselves. The spiritual site with my counseling and some more healers is coming up very soon. Also up is the new site of photography http://www.thefinalmiracle.com/photography and Updated site of Shammi Kapoor Fan Club - www.shammikapoor.net . My next blog which is coming up very soon will be on Alien Invasion or maybe Alienation. Cya till then!

LEGACY

2010-07-12T12:51:00.002+05:30

LEGACY - A word that represents huge responsibility about a transfer of power, history and achievements in absence of its owner but bestowed by the by will of the owner, hierarchy or just handed down to the next generation in the family. The literal dictionary meaning would be - a gift of property, esp. personal property, as money, by will; a bequest or anything handed down from the past, as from an ancestor or predecessor or an applicant to or student at a school that was attended by his or her parent. I don’t think that this word would be appropriate when its a normal transfer of property which isn’t huge in terms of its value in terms of money or value in terms of work.

Legacy is always taken by pride and maybe sometimes for granted. Many of the times its given by the owner willingly but also many times considered to be the right by their family. A work done with lots of skill, labor and patience is blindly in the hands of someone who might or might not be suitable for such a job, to retain its value and respect. In todays world in most of the cases we must be a witness to hundreds of legacies like this, the most important ones being the biggest ones. The poor are generally cribbing about why some person is rich because of the legacy handed over to him by his parent. The few of the rich who are the lucky ones to handle these legacies by inheritance try to live up to the work of the predecessor, but still there are many of those rich also who spoil those legacy.

Michael Jackson being my favorite lets start with him. A legacy of music left behind with his estate and the beneficiaries being his children and mother. There was also a lot of debt of $450 million involved apart from other debts amounting to $1 Billion. The debt was paid of within one year of his death. Apparently Michael was smart enough to have his lawyers and manager handle his estate business instead of the beneficiaries themselves. His children won’t be getting any money which will be divided equally in them till they are 40, though their needed expenses will be taken care of by the estate. Michael saved his legacy from being explored by the worst enemies and leeches that lie in his own family, fans know it but won’t talk about it.

The real legacy left behind is his music, his HIStory, his business skills & more. His children or his family which is not directly beneficiary of his will are going to benefit from this. Most of them already did from regular media appearances in terms of shows, TV interviews and whatever that was offered to them. Some of them who really loved him tried to keep a low profile. At least one of the children or all (who are in their innocent phase of childhood right now) will be eventually moulded into artists and mean machines to exploit everything that is left behind with just a name that had become a brand - Michael Jackson. Any one of them releasing an album will be swooped up by Michael Jackson fans. Die-hard fans will keep buying the following albums even if they might not like those, but not all would. Would a legacy be safe in such a way. But lets pray that his children also become successful in their forays in music if they do, and protect Michael’s legacy.

The recent order given by the supreme court about uplifting the ban on a controversial book on Shivaji Maharaj also created a lot of ripples within the pro-hindu political parties.Me respecting Shivaji Maharaj is also not going to make me feel that supporting only certain political parties who love and support him is going to prove my love for my heritage, my Maharashtra or my country in all. Who and when gave the rights of protecting Shivaji Maharaj’s legacy to these parties ever? Shivaji Maharaj belongs to every person India as much as he belongs to them. Again no person in the world had a 100% loving following, they all had haters. Today we have dictators who want to tell people of Maharashtra to prove their love for Shivaji by supporting them, in this rule people might not express their hatred for the dictator but they will still hate him inside and might take any opportunity to destroy him even when they love Shivaji. Todays leaders also seem to be stuck in their blind ego not understanding that banning the book in Maharashtra won’t stop people from Maharashtra from reading it. Anyone can import it or simply read it on the internet! Who the hell makes them think that they own Maharashtra just because they love Shivaji, we also do but we don’t support you. There are books that talk about our Hindu Gods portrayed indecently not just as a painting but also in text content, what have they done to stop those publications? There should be some other way to support such sentiments or protect the legacy which is more logical and practical. But then again, can just a political party be in charge of that great legacy of Shivaji Maharaj?

There have been spiritual gurus of today coming under scanners for various charges like sexual molestation and a lot of other stuff. We also have guru’s who themselves are clean and have a huge following behind them. Sometimes the higher management of such ashrams get into indecent acts ruining the whole ashram’s purpose. Who is supposed to be blamed for this? Its not just the ashram involved into illicit things as long as the guru is alive, the worst is expected to happen after the guru’s death who promises to live spiritually with every follower. How can this kind of spiritual or religious legacy continue to thrive on the supporters or followers who just might be appearing sincere to get the reins in their hands. The hands that are supposed to bless then start becoming hands that just molest!

There is more of danger which cannot be called legacy but it is. Aren’t their nuclear and EMP devices which are rumoured to be as small as a beer can and some as suitcases being sold in the Russian black-market after their fallout. The technology got in hands of the people who were more destroyers than protectors. When USSR became just Russia, the broken of peaces retorted to various business including one like this. It is for normal people like us to understand that supporting a person handling a legacy is not about supporting the person behind it. People are hungry for power, money and fame, they might be pretending to offer you what you expect them to just by playing with your sentiments. The success of many extremists lie in the manipulation of the extremism within us, which might be of supporting someone or being of a certain religion or country. Neither them no us really own that legacy. Its done and staying here as a residue and not as the process itself. If we get so much attached to that residue, we ourselves might become a negligent residue than an explosion in process. I would prefer to be the latter.

The BUSYness Perspective

2010-03-26T02:09:00.005+05:30

About 10 years ago, I had an argument with a close friend of mine over the kind of life I was imagining ahead. While talking about career, routine and then personal life together, she was teaching me of how a normal and good life is about working 9 to 5 and then spending time with your family or friends till dinner. Sleep with / without watching a movie and wakeup again the next day to progress with whatever we were doing yesterday. The only thing I agreed with was to sleep and wake up the next day to progress with whatever we were doing yesterday. I didn't like the 9-5 concept or even about the after work time to be spent with family or friends.

I hate this for 2 reasons -

Why should I slot my time for everything precisely. Can't I just prioritize my work and meetings for the day according to what needed how much time? I wasn't having a business in those days but rather doing some full time and sometime part-time jobs. My attitude has generally been about doing and 8 hours job in 2 and then spend time on things that I wanted to do.

Why spend the free time with family / friends always?? Where is the time for your own mental and spiritual growth? Why isn't anyone giving more time to themselves apart from the time the spend in the loo (if they dont read in there) or over a lonely drink / cigarette?

Over the time after meeting more n' more people I started realizing that maybe I was not ambitious. Not for a career everyone was running after. I wasn't academically bright ever till my school days. My IQ was amongst the top 5 in my class but my rank was among the last 5. I really hated the way I was taught. I loved some subjects like biology, history and drawing but I wasn't given the freedom to experiment here. There was always a rule. Even for playing my keyboard for the gathering there were rules like which songs to play, which not to. And again not because I played bad but because I was a notorious kid, i was banned totally from playing solo at the school gathering. Its another thing that I ended up as a backup artist with almost every singer in the same gathering. Things the way they were moulded or routine(d) never did and still don't seem right to me. I always wanted to walk life in the untrodden way. Yes I wanted to earn money and I still earn money that I targeted. Though I agree things went horribly wrong on the personal life front. I wanted to be busy and progress but I wasn't made for the old school tricks.

After years of facing hatred, jealousy, anger, uncertainty, disgust, etc not from my own conscious but my own people, time started changing recently. Maybe I didn't earn some years of my life like others did, but I do earn right now as much as they do by working only 1/4th of the time they work. Now people openly tell me of how lucky I am or how jealous they are about how I live my life, I wonder what they were thinking in the past? Its only when people see an example they term as successful, they justify its ways. I am not saying that all people are envying me nor do I yet say I am successful, I am still on my way, the problem is about people having time to judge other's lives and comparing it with themselves. I think after their education and in their settled life - sad are those people who are not happy with the work they do and envy others, happy are the people who are happy with their work and have time to think about the ways other people work, but happiest are the people who are happy with their own work and are least concerned about what others are doing. I am from the last batch regardless of being successful or not, but its quite often that people in the earlier 2 categories pull me down to their level when they have to argue about my ways of work or about someone else.

I always wondered why was there a discrimination in all aspects during mankind's history. Right from races, castes, colors, profiles, status the leaders of a society or a community have always found out ways to set different categories of people. With over-emphasized or hyped education about unity or peace we fail to achieve peace, instead we end up blinding ourselves against the reasons where logical discriminations were made. Its the judgemental attitude of people which has resulted in any kind of discrimination. The person who had the right to set this pattern always put oneself in the best status, because after all he was given the honor of setting these. Even the industrial revolution resulted in white collared workers and others. The corporate world has resulted in more. The trouble itself about the discrimination or any kind of frustration arising from one's own deeds or someone else's deeds would all end if we stopped judging other and thought more about the betterment or enhancement about what we do.

Recently after a lot of investigative attempts of some people I wanted to know what they are upto. I was not understanding why are they really interested in what I am doing and how much I am earning. Now this group of people knows three examples where I am one of them.

Myself - A person who believes in chasing dreams but not dreams based on still-life career or routine work. I believe that money comes if you are persistent, patient and strategical enough about what you want to achieve. Just following a routine part of progress, appraisals and promotions doesn't mean success for me. For me success means a lot of money & fame laying on the foundation of satisfactory work. NO REGRETS! I earn and spend an X amount for 4 hours work.

PERSON X - A person who has a lot of fortune left for him by his parents. He dreams of earning crores by is hell lazy do do any kind of work. Rather this person doesn't know what he/she wants to do. Having new ideas every year, the person is lost about where to invest how much to invest and how much to expect in profits. Even after lot of loans which remain unpaid or are paid by selling assets this person lives a comfortable lifestyle with the fortune which never seems to end. Still earning and spending the same X amount a month.

PERSON Y - A hard-working ambitious person. Very dedicated to one's work and career. Sets goals and hits them with a lot of hard-work but in time. Works for 10 hours in a day still earns and spends the same X amount. People abroad earn and spend more though.

A handful of people from the third category are really intelligent enough to understand the concept of smart-work and also are totally happy with what they are doing. They have no time to think about others. But most of the people in the third category generally have the idea of hard-work in their head which has to feel hard and not to be done with ease. These frustrated people are always calculating their own work time with other individual's work time. Being frustrated most of the times with their own routine and career choice these buggers spend endless energy and efforts in crucifying themselves or criticizing others for their ways of work. These people work really hard and whenever they have the time to think about themselves they are in a very tired and frustrated mood. They generally get insane looking at a lazy person who is lucky enough to live the same kind of lifestyle without working as hard as him/her. Their comparison is generally dependent on how much time they spend working hard for their bread, save their money and then spend it for their definitions of right spendings. They loathe people who are earning the same amount in lesser time and easier ways.

The problem in these frustrated people isn't about their wrong ways of work. I am nobody to judge that. Their problem is about the time and energy they spend comparing themselves with others. In worse cases, the frustration that they endure trying to convince others about how hard they work and rightly they are paid and others are just lucky for being paid for easier work. The the WORST cases these people don't just try to convince their targets but spend time in preparing a team to convince their point of view to a certain person. These unsatisfied souls are extremely unstable with their own career. Their intellectual limitations itself show of their inability to find logical and practical solutions to reach a certain goal in an easier way. They really spend their energies totally dedicated to their work and are physically and mentally exhausted when they come across and opposite work situation which is giving equal kind of results. I think happiness of a person has a lot to do with the intellect of a person and not just about satisfaction and contentment. The people who spend a lot of time grumbling about others and proving themselves right are generally unhappy about themselves. They cannot be passionate about their work enough to be able to ignore what people around them do. Their happy and satisfactory moments in work are generally occasional moments when they are praised by their collegues or subordinates for some specific purpose. Even understanding the selfish motives behind all the praise, they relish it like their favorite dish and get energetic again to bombard others with ethical, practical and career knowledge using their own example as metaphor for success.

I don't believe that many of the people who read my blog lie in the frustrated category in the last example I mentioned, but I am sure that there are a handful of people who might be in that category. For the non-frustrated I would encourage you to continue with your passions and goals no matter how many hurdles of frustrated people you face. Don't even spare a thought trying to analyse their views. For the frustrated lot i would say, "Avoid convincing me or the people whose ways of work you don't approve. Spend more time enhancing yourself and being happy with your work all the time instead of momentarily. we don't have any problem with your ways of work as long as you leave us alone. Remember the happiest people are those who mind their own business and handle others, we follow just that. Our BUSYness progress is more about our own goals and personal satisfaction which has nothing to do with others. We cannot compare our ways of work and our profits with anyone else's, instead when we fail we try to learn what went from from our own mistakes and other stories we found successful. We don't have time to criticize you..... oops. I think I am only doing that writing this blog.... but damn you.... you provoked me to do this after torturing me for years!!!! It will take you a lifetime to get me frustrated again. I am peaceful after letting out all this scum on you, and I was always been happy with myself anyway!

Need to be NORMALLY Materialistic

2010-03-21T03:01:00.000+05:30

Ages n' Ages we have been taught by our religions and spiritual gurus to be away from the materialistic world and into our souls. Get away from attachments, desires and just think about god to attain Moksha. For some reason I am realizing that getting materialistic is now become one of the steps towards god. Most of us have become dependent and insanely attached to technology in the digital for and internet which is all virtual. Just some major technical setback or a terrorist attack technically and we all will be unwired.

Our systems, our work, our memory today is all dependent on the machine. I remember how I used to remember everyones phone numbers by heart and when I started using a cellphone I eventually ended up remembering only a handful. These handful numbers are not remembered because they are important, but because they are used more often. I think memorizing things is also become obsolete after passing out from a school or rather till the time you are not handed over a digital gadget where you can store all your information.

I am myself a digital freak. I love the digital world and I am addicted to it. Not just my life but even my living is dependent on the internet and computers today. One could have argued about the same while changing from slates to write to papers. I have no idea of what people thought about such kind of transformations in those days but today I am understanding a huge change, an experience where I have been a part of a revolution that is making our brains travel in the world of truth, reality, then virtual reality (the worst form of maya). There are virtual games with virtual worlds where people have their own characters not just playing some silly game but doing business within the game. There are many addicted to such games. The less fortunate are also living in virtual worlds of chat and social networking. No wonder when I used to handle an internet cafe, I used to end up saying LOL instead of laughing many times. I still do that... but sarcastically.

Even after being so much on machines almost 80% of the time I am awake, I am not liking much of it these days. I am lacking the fun of using hands on physical objects that I can touch and smell. Something that is beyond the computer screen and eyes. Yes on the internet I can reach many and many can reach me. I have a lot of ideas to share, I have a lot of work to do, I have a lot of money to earn and what not!? I am surely enjoying and benefiting from it too, but I am also missing making photo albums by hand, or printing CD labels for a customized audio CD I burnt or an audio cassette I recorded. The creativity is greatly dying in the sense of moulding things physically. I am myself a great fan of farmville, playing it and will soon stop playing as I will reach the highest level possible. Why did I play farmville and not cafeworld? Because I love gardening. If I love gardening why don't I work in the garden of my own bungalow?? I would love too, but isn't it that I am all the time uploading or editing photos/music making a living. Maybe I have the comfort of working from home, but still I have to be near my computer. As much as I am connected online the more money I am going to make in the longterm. Thats where a virtual game like farmville satisfies my hearts hunger to do farming or gardening. But how long will this work. I had got bored of the game in between, but then I decided to cut down its usage and finish it completely before stopping the game.

I don't watch TV. I feel proud about it. I loved to watch documentaries or travel shows more than I loved to watch music though I make music myself. Over the years as I started working online I stopped listening to much of music as well. I think everyone would agree that our most memorable songs are the songs that were made before 2000. I made a survey on this even with the new generation. My students who range from the age of 6 to 50 all like songs of different types. Obviously the new generation is liking the song which is chart buster at the moment, but ask them about the song after a year.... They have not just forgotten to play it, but they are not even interested in hearing it again. Some new song is on their mind now. Now lets not immediately jump to a conclusion where this generation is needing something new all the time. Its not that. They do love the songs their parents hear or some old songs they hear otherwise from friends or a retro party. They still remember the songs that were not their own favorites but they have heard vaguely like this. There has to be some logic and not magic behind this.

Taking music only as an example its a well publicized fact in the public today that todays music doesn't stay eternal in the hearts of listeners because there was no hard work done in the process of making music like it was done in the old days. I completely disagree and so will any person who is doing and listening to good music. Since many years music directors and arrangers have been emphasizing on acoustics and original instruments which are disappearing very fast from the studios due to production constraints. The producers want to use more clear samples, more better VST (Virtual Synthesizers) and use loops instead of live rhythm. The EXCESSIVE use of digital automation in the field of music is a curse more than boon according to me. It should have stayed in limits. The tones and samples of instruments though close to real are so clear that they dont sound like a real instrument that is heard live. The samples and tones are tuned in comparison with the sound of the instrument through a mic or mixer on flat levels. I feel the noise, hiss or breathing sound need to be there to give a more humane touch to the music. The all clear track of sound feels nice to listen in realtime but doesn't really flatter the frequency of the strings in our cells.

Same with photography there is too much digitalization and modification of photos. A photo that might have come crap in real time is modified beautifully to make it look like a masterpiece. After a while a person doesn't understand whether the photo was good or the editing was. For a buyer the masterpiece is what is essential. But slowly I am loosing the fun in it. In the first stage I was loving exploiting my creative side while taking pictures. In the second stage I started correcting the pictures to achieve the right results. In the third stage I started modifying the pictures drastically to achieve artistic results beyond imaginations. Conceptually and technically the images come out at the highest standards for my customers, they pay me a lot for it, but in the end what did I exactly do? Was I a good photographer, a good graphic designer or a good conceptualizer. Ever since I entered the photography market I was criticized for my composing techniques and concepts, 3 years later many photographers want to follow me and models want to get pictures clicked from me. Why is that? Not just because I modified those pictures perfectly or fought the industry rules of composition. I achieved high results because I managed to use a camera like a computer and computer like a camera. But honestly speaking I would have been happier making a painting with canvas, paints and brushes. My concepts would still work there, but would there be a time for doing that. If I am doing something digitally its taking me 1/100th time of what would have taken me physically.

We stand on a brink of extinction in terms of how are we going to use all the muscles of our body together to achieve a single result whether creative or not. True consciously or unconsciously we did get away from many material aspects of life on the superficial level, but the virtual world has got us deeper into the material structure. There have been virtual dating, then virtual marriages, even porn sites converting themselves to live sex shows on cam feeds, virtual memorials for deaths, virtual get-togethers, etc. I think this is all becoming more closer to a make belief world. People are following a certain pattern of digitalization. If there is a river with that name, most of us are blindly floating on it, not even swimming in it, and going on as it takes its own course. The people who aren't yet aware of such a world are missing a lot of good and lot of bad things too. I think its time for smart people to think of how their virtual activities be limited or be converted into their physical world and material world where they could use senses other than sight that fuels their incredible brains with imaginations that are not going to last till their journey back to the real world.

With more people getting together, spreading activities or rumours has becomes much easier. All creations related to this technology right from art to softwares have lost their profits because of increases free sharing of utilities. A software or a music album that would have sold a million copies before will manage to sale bearly 10k copies today. All because we have to a habit of sharing, copying and swapping things for free. Though open-source is here to stay it is going to fuel only technology and not going to benefit its creator in the long run. Even with e-books, digital book gadgets like kindle will keep screwing our eyesight. Over exaggerated reports about global warming and solutions for it like norms on carbon emissions are leading us to do more disastrous things in life. Read article titled " Cars Bombs & Climate Changeon PAGE 14 of TOI's crest to actually know the other side of the global warming solutions. The link will lead you to the online edition.

I somewhat again and again feel the need to go back into 70s and live that world. I might have lived only 1 year as a baby but I enjoyed my life till computers came in my life precisely in 1992. I was fascinated by anything that was mechanical since my brains are of the engineering background by heridity. I have been fascinated by machines and toys. Computers made it more easier and more vast. But then somewhat I feel the human life existed more before computers reached in the hands of ordinary people. We met in life more than we chatted online. Our problems were more realisitic than virtual or kinda imagined I would say. There would be more of togetherness and humanity. There was hysteria about celebrities and fascination about them which we dont have for any celebrity anymore. Yes there are fans, but there is not that mysterious life hidden behind walls. We know everything about them all the time. There was only gold-spot and thumbs up if I remember. Watching a movie was strictly limited to saturdays that too after VHS came. Otherwise TV was about family sitting together at primetime watching buniyaad, nukkad or ramayan. Whether you loved those serials or not, for sure all would be watching them together because there was limited entertainment and no choice. The success behind those legendary works also was due to this factor that these products were shared by everyone in the household or friends. Now we all have our own televisions, computers and laptops and can hole up in our room and watch what we want to.

We are already facing a backlash of our overconfidence in the virtual world. I see my internet lifetime as my dreams. I love its part as a getaway from real life. Mainly because my work is related to this. This is where I earn. I am happier and more creative when I am not on the internet, but still internet helps me forget things that are happening in real life. It makes me feel happy and comfortable talking to people I dont know for real, people I cannot trust for real, yet I can take the risk for that happiness that is acting in my todays world. Looking around, I realized a lot about coming back to the real world again after my best friend shifted back to Pune. All these years he wasn't here, I wanted to meet my friends every evening just to hangout and talk, but everyone was busy with their work as well. Everyone working overtime and the rest of the time coming home to watch tv or sit on the internet. Past few days I am loving it staying away from the net and cutting down my usage drastically to fuel more in my life. I dont know. Maybe just because my friend is here, a happy part of my real life is back. if he disappears again I might jump back into the virtual world looking for a hideout to stay away from the real world again. When the internet is down I want to sleep a lot, not because I am sleepy because I have now caught up with the tendency that if I am not awake and not earning, why spend my life feeling the pain of the unhappy life around. I rather be happy in dreams. Fortunately I dont have nightmares. I think digital world is like that, its like a dream.... like an imagination, once you are are disconnected its like waking up and wondering what to do. If electronic gadgets stop working due to some EMP pulse, then no ones ipod will work what will remain to listen are the old LPs and maybe a few cassette players.

Getting addicted to internet or dreams is surely not a solution to avoid real life problems. All of us who spend more than 2 hours on the internet for non-work reasons are surely consciously or unconsciously living this virtual life for the same problems. I realized the positive and negative side of this world. I have been living in this world for almost 8 hours a day on average for last 10 years. I have not just seen my life which I consider moderately connected but I have seen the best people get ruined due to getting away from the real world and getting on virtual world. I never used to read books, I only read comics, now I am making a point to read books to excuse myself from the virtual world. Though I would always like to be connected with people online and infact expand my network I will do it in a limited way. I need to enhance my spiritual productivity instead of hampering it. A session of meditation would do more wonders than dreams. An astral travel to a place I want to in the real world would be more rewarding than a trip to a social networking site. And last but not the least partying with friends on a saturday night, getting high and letting loose is always better than being online. Its time to get away from the worse form of maya and improve by getting back to the worst (better than worse) form of material world.

P.S Internet and computers was just some terms used to represent any kind of big n' small devices that have taken us away from the normal walk of life. So internet lovers dont get pissed off, I love the internet as much as you all do, but I want to enjoy a peg or two of the internet and not the whole bottle. Or maybe I will learn to serve people the whole bottle of my product on the internet... haha! God Bless You All!

Michael Jackson Vs Sony

2010-03-19T01:55:00.000+05:30

This blog is strictly for people who are Michael Jackson fans rest please dont read this.

In 2002 Michael Jackson has spent the last couple of months complaining that Sony didn't do enough to promote and market ''Invincible,'' released last November on Sony's Epic label, which sold 2 million copies in the U.S. and only a few million more in the rest of the world -- lackluster figures by Michael's standards. Sony says it has done plenty, having spent $50 million producing and promoting the album, but it balked at Jackson's request earlier this year for $8 million to shoot a third video for the album, the Times reports. But the dispute over the handling of ''Invincible'' grew out of a larger struggle between Jackson and Sony over Jackson's effort this year to renegotiate his contract with the label, where he has spent his entire adult career, those involved in the negotiations. Michael explicitly said on numerous occasions that he thoroughly disliked Sony and its business executives, called administrators, such as Tommy Mottola “devils” and “racists” (see picture), and blamed people at that company as well as others for creating a “conspiracy” against him by tarnishing his image with child sex abuse accusations because they wanted to gain the rights to his 50 percent share ownership of the Sony-ATV music publishing catalog and The Beatles music catalog.

All the fans have supported Michael against the Sony campaign. Everyone forgot that Michael was targeting specific executives at Sony like Tommy Motolla. All said and done. On 25th June 2009, Michael died under mysterious circumstances fueling new theories. Who murdered Michael? Fine I agree with all Dr. Murray, but if there was a conspiracy who made him murder Michael? Sony or someone else benefiting from the death? All fans obviously pointed fingers to AEG Live and Sony. Logically yes AEG live was also my suspect, but not a strong proof against Sony. Sony was earning when Michael was alive and would have earned if the concert did well, as well as they would have earned after Michael died.

Lets consider the facts. The finances were shambled and there was a lot of debt on mike's head. Thats the reason why ATV catalog was put in again to re-negotiations of his loans. There was no way he could buy back the rights to his own catalog as well as ATV under the new loan re-negotiation even if THIS IS IT concerts would have done well. The amount was huge and the stakes were risky at the same time with neverland also gone there was not much left apart from the coming royalties from the sales of the albums. Most of them were reissued or recompiled jobs of old songs. Even the fans were starting to loose interest.

Lets forward time to 17th March when the new record deal was signed by the Michael's estate with Sony. Fans again are upset because it happened with Sony. What they dont understand are the details or the behind the scenes of this contract. Its just a 2 years extension for the distribution of Michael's catalog which Sony already has the rights for till 2015. The deal doesn't include publishing or royalty which will amount to huge amounts as well. Apart from the fact that Sony will earn from this, this would have been done by any music label in the world. They have to profit from the artist and their own catalogs. Are there any fans who wont buy any new material that will be released now just because it is from Sony??? No!!! Its silly just screaming and shouting as fans without understanding the business going behind. The Michael Jackson Estate has a lot of debt to be paid of and this deal is also not enough to do that. Not to forget the fact that the estate is not even in a state to buy back the remaining stake in ATV catalog after re-negotiations of loans. Sony or any music label in its place would have done the same thing that Sony is doing now. I am not saying that Sony was right during Invincible times. But Tommy Mottolla is out. And we need to know that Michael Jackson catalog is gonna end up nowhere else but Sony in future. Considering business strategies of entertainment industry against a falling empire with no king, there is no possibility of Michael Jackson estate buying back the rights for ATV. Infact they might sell the rest share as well as Michael's own catalog to sony in future. There is not going to be any use cribbing about sony now.

Now let me get to the point. I am not a Sony employee nor sony paid me for this. What I am not understanding is the fans attitude to ignore the real culprits. I won't really point at them except for Joe Jackson who is openly running after the money, saying $15000 monthly allowance is not enough for him. I think the kids are worth having the money share but what about the rest. There are so many other people in the family suddenly in limelight after Michael's death. People who were not given any importance by the media or the rest of the world. Even after Michael's death they failed in plans, but they reaped a lot of money in music projects, reality shows and various collaborations. Though nothing worked like they thought it would. The reason is simple. There can be only one Michael Jackson. Fans need to realize and study Michael's will and where the profits of his sales are shared. Simply looking you will see the kids getting it. But it is not just the will. Look around and see the people claiming to be Michael's personal friends or relatives cashing in, making hay till the sun shines, trying to cry in front of cameras and looking comical. These are the real culprits. Fans cannot also ignore the fact that just like Michael hated sony he also avoided any concerts or albums with many family members or friends in his lifetime after 1982. These are the same people in limelight and making money in his name now. Sony is just a music label, a corporate, a business that is not supposed to be emotional, but what about these people who were supposed to love and support Michael in life more than showing off their love in his death for money?!?!

I understand my own hatred about Sony as a Michael Jackson fan under his command. After his death I choose to hate the other side more. Like I said above SONY is doing business and we will be buying albums that they release even if many of us hate them. What about these snakes who kept biting Michael when he was alive and now are still biting him in his grave?

To Love or Not To Love Sonu Niigaam

2010-03-06T12:38:00.001+05:30

FOR SONU FANS : I was myself a fan. This blog in not Anti-Sonu, this blog is about a perspective as an Indian and as a supporter

I am not a big Sonu Niigaam Fan. I don't hate him either. I love him as a singer, his technique... somewhat was never impressed with the tone (as an audience, not as a singer). Sonu's songs for me are from Deewana and Jaan, the non-film songs that never becomes as popular as film music in India. He had his share of his good songs and bad songs, for which he gave his 100%. There was a trend in music directors at a time when they used to give him only sad songs to sing. He fought it and came out of it. He sang masterpieces like Kal Ho Na Ho, Satarangi Re and a lot more. I love those songs, but not as much as I love songs from Deewana and Jaan where Sonu sounds more free, more touching and non-monotonous.

Recently the industry had a buzz of why Sonu Niigaam aint singing songs as much as before. The supporters of Sonu claimed that he is taking only selected and good projects while the other side claimed some other reasons which I don't feel like mentioning here. Somewhat things seemed uncomfortable, strange and weird in last 2 years. There were wrong PR and other movies which seemed to have a very short-term vision. Suddenly a Sonu Niigaam that I admired got me worried. I myself faced an ego clash during the Michael Jackson Tribute project, and I never know if it was he himself or some of his assistants who did things in his name. It seemed like I am looking at the life of a celebrity in the 3rd phase where we hear history telling us, a time when they only want people saying 'YES' or 'GOOD' around them. Criticism wasn't easily accepted and there was a feeling for the person to be very high, closer to God than any of the people they knew. With people calling him GOD this can ruin things more!

Aamir and Sonu both are fighting for royalty rights for artists lately. A move, an action that should be supported, loved and respected by all artists in India. This fight will help save ourselves from the death that yesterdays stars suffered due to lack of business knowledge. If artists put in their 100% for a project they should be paid royalties as well. There needs to be a strong forum, strong community to tackle this problem. Unfortunately, Sonu or Aamir can't afford to go on a strike with a few supporters. I say few, because though the support is very large and strong, many might look this as an opportunity to jump into the vacant places. I was happy that India was changing. Like the legendary Amitabh Bachchan said in his blog, if all goes well many of todays celebrities will end up ending more money than they did in their lifetime just like Elvis and Michael Jackson. These celebrities had a strong PR that made them so famous, a PR that was funded from their incomes which hugely was from royalties and not signing-amounts.

Recently Sonu posted this blog - http://www.facebook.com/notes/sonu-niigaam/wake-up-india-from-the-slumber/372952231095 on his facebook fanpage. It goes as below

All the producers, director, composers, lyrics writers present in the meeting, are witness to the fact that I never spoke about singers to get 25% Royalties. That's a misquote by the media. Its the composers and lyrics writer's royalties that are confiscated by the music companies 100%, and all we all were proposing was a fair split where in the producer being the funder, gets 50% and rest 50% split between the composers and the lyrics writers! How much more fair anyone wants us to get when in the rest of the world, 100% goes to the composers and lyrics writers.!! We are not even discussing singers at this point.!

My favorite actor, whom I consider like my spiritual elder brother, who is known to be fair generally,.. just proposed to someone secretively, “forget it....give these guys 1%.....“ What a magnanimous contribution!! My favorite actor!!!! Wow!! God bless all of them. I have anyways decided to live outside this country, a country that is too shy to give its artistes, their dues doesn't deserve purists like myself!. No wonder Ravishankarji, Zakirbhai, etc live abroad. I only feel bad for the future artistes, who will have to be subjected to this feudalistic arm twisting, if proper amendments are not made now. And the people who treat music as prayer and not a glamour driven activity.. Wake up India from the slumber!!

Love,
Sonu Niigaam
_______________

After reading this blog I suddenly lost my respect for this great personality who was fighting for us artists, gave so many beautiful songs to us. Thats why I titled this blog "TO LOVE OR NOT TO". His last paragraph disturbed me a lot. Not just as an Indian, but as a person who supported this man. If he calls this a war against an unfair practice, what does he mean to say?? Is he running away scared or he wants to fight a war from a palace? The country is not shy to give the artists their share otherwise no one would have thronged in thousands to their concerts. With such a stupid statement and move I don't think the motive and passion for the cause by Sonu makes any sense. Maybe he is only thinking about his own pockets and if he can't fill them well like he wants, he will move out. I feel he better shift out then. He is doing a M.F.Hussain. India is large and populated enough to produce artists to feel the vacancy.

My view is simple - If SONU NIIGAAM is fighting a good cause for all the music fraternity in India. But why should India also pay royalties to an artist who anyway is going to live outside the country? Seeking sympathy and pity like this and then running away from one's country is not a virtue of a person whom people idolize. I choose to love Sonu NIGAM, but I choose not to love this Sonu NIIGAAM. The highlight of the LAST-NAME SPELLING CHANGE also indicates a deep metaphor as living outside a country.

If as an audience I have a right to love a person, I also have the right to hate him for something that can be more important. I have no personal relation with Sonu that I loved as a singer, so I don't want to comment on his personal life. But I do have the right to talk about his public views and image and feel compelled to just know him as Mr. Niigaam who resembles a singer I loved. A singer who sarcastically talks about his favorite actor whom he supposedly considers like his SPIRITUAL ELDER BROTHER. Shame on me, Shame on him... that an admirer reached to a state of questioning himself - To Love or not to love a person like this! I am an Indian, I was never sleeping on Royalty issues maybe because I am not a successful artist yet. But yes... Thanks to Mr. Niigaam for waking me up from a slumber with a dream of admiring a person I thought of to be someone else. I think its time to act and understand, a time for political leaders understand & kick out pessimist anti-Indian thoughts instead of creating fights within India.

REVIEW : THIS IS IT… A VIP PASS ONSTAGE!

2009-10-28T19:18:00.000+05:30

This is not just a movie. It is not even like attending the real concert, but better than all that. It feels as if you have got a VIP pass from Michael to accompany him on the stage or wherever he goes during his concert rehearsals. THIS IS IT is an incredible piece to see Michael (who literally like monster) devours up the audience with his great showmanship. The movie showcases the most intricate details of how perfect Michael gets when it comes to performances. Apart than being a fan, I would call this as a BIBLE for any performing artist. See THIS IS IT and you will know why Michael’s performances were so legendary.

It is unbelievable to see Michael Jackson (at the age of 50) perform the dance moves, hit the high notes, scanning every small aspect of the whole performance, guiding musicians and dancers and improvising his performance every single time. I was getting difficult for me to watch him dance on the stage and not dance in the theater. I was singing all the time without giving a damn to what anyone else would think. Soon some more fans joined me. Some of the audience who were not fans were also overwhelmed by the whole scene and couldn’t stop their praises when Michael did his trademark moves. The only thing that I missed in the movie was the moonwalk. The movie grips you hard. It seems short in the end making you want for more.

There is one scene that seemed funny to me. While performing a song Michael tells a musician, “Watch me when I do that (cue)”. I wonder if he was joking or the musician was really not watching him. How could anyone present at that venue not watch Michael rehearse even though they might have done that more than ten times before. I miss the aura of Michael when alive that would have captivated the audience far more than what the movie does. Thankfully the movie does not in any way appear to generate hype like earlier of MJ promotions or DVDs did. It appears too realistic to fans as well as non-fans and that’s why it generates more respect for the KING OF POP.

There is a group formed by some of the fans amongst us – THIS IS NOT IT. I understand the sentiments and the reason behind formation of the group. They say that the footage where Michael apparently appears very sick and weak has not been shown in the movie. According to the group, this movie is another money making machine for anyone who is profiting from it. What I would suggest as a fan is for time being forget about that and see what THIS IS IT shows to millions of people around the world regardless they are fans or not. The movie showcases Michael in a positive way and full glory. The movie is better than any Michael Jackson DVD released before, I am sure this one will be released on DVD late this year.

None of us can bring the magic of Michael back, none of us can see him perform live again, but this movie gives us a chance to be with him on the stage and watch him perform as close as we can get. No one who understands craftsmanship and art should miss THIS IS IT.

On the last note I would say that the movie made me believe a very sad doubt I had in my mind. I now believe that Michael was murdered, not just by his doctor but was murdered by someone with a motive. The doctor was just an instrument. I don’t know whether this mystery will ever be solved, but I wish it does. I wish that criminal charges are filed against the doctor by the family. It is very strange to see people forgive a murderer, no criminal charges brought up and so much profit made around to so many people just because 1 great person died.

P.S : I request fans not to pressurize any non-fan unless that person is interested to see Michael. The movie is enjoyable if you know most of the songs featured in it.

Image Used with permission from www.CLUBMJ.com (THE OFFICIAL INDIAN MICHAEL JACKSON FANCLUB Authorized by SONY BMG INDIA & MJJ Management)

Beggars are Choosers

2009-09-21T21:45:00.000+05:30

© Photographer: Thefinalmiracle | Agency: Dreamstime.com

Well I felt that just this one latest situation I saw, triggered this blog,

I was just looking around at some books while walking on the road. There were as usual peddlers and beggars around. I ignored them and was quite engaged with the books when suddenly a young couple caught my attention. They reminded me of some of my relatives and friends who have been aggressively active in social service. The term ‘aggressively active’ doesn’t suggest more social activity than a normal social worker would do, but aggressive in their expression of sadness when they see a helpless situation. If they see a handicapped person doing something that everyday person would do, they would give so pathetic or highly emotional that even the handicap person would suddenly realize his handicap and loose all the confidence he had in doing the normal procedure.

Anyway, this couple was watching the poor begging mother holding a kid with ever-running nose. The girl with all her oohs and sobby expression was trying to convince her boyfriend to give the beggars something. When the boy gave a rupee coin the begging lady suddenly snapped back by saying ‘Bas ek rupaya?? Bhikhari samjha hai kya? Mein bacche ke khane ke liye maang rahi hoon’ (Just a rupee? You think I am a beggar? I am asking money to feed my baby’. Though this incident shocked the couple, it didn’t shock me, but it surely triggered many of past experiences directly with beggars or people who are not beggars materially but keep begging.

For the first beggars, we have always read many stories in newspapers of how the begging industry is really huge. They earn quite a good amount and are organized quite well, mostly by the mafia / underworld. When maintained by the underworld, the cut or the commission of these beggars is not very high. When it’s a large family of beggars doing their own job, the profits can be something you can’t imagine. I came to know about these people closely once when I was distributing clothes after a charity concert and another time when photographing them.

After the charity concert, I went to give clothes to these families and they were very happy. When I passed the road some days later and saw them in torn clothes again!! I went up to a man and asked, “What happened to the clothes? Did you sell them for something else?” He smiled and said “No Sir, we have it right in here but we wear them on a cold night. If I wear them during business time no one will give us any money.” Wow! A lesson learnt. It was a simple logic that I had failed to understand. They don’t have any other work to do, and if their profession is begging how can they afford to wear good clothes and beg?? That isn’t the begging uniform, there has to be a dress code of torn and dirty clothes, sick children with sad faces and stuffy noses and mind you… they all act well! While photographing them and especially talking to them about model-release n’ things, they were more open about how they operate and what kind of help they look for. I didn’t find their lie in the public eye wrong or ghastly. I think many businesses do that. Big brands that manufacturing their material in India, selling it in outside countries and we buying them as better quality clothes from any of the countries. Its business as usual… nothing personal! 

And now coming to the people who are not beggars in the real sense (or let me put it as professional sense), but are always seen begging! I guess we come across these kind of beggars everyday and in every form I might say. These beggars usually are doing their begging with endless expectations and an incrementing demands in quality. The weapons they use are ‘their relation with you’, ‘their earlier help to you’, ‘their small investments for you expecting big returns’, but the best of all is ‘public tantrums’. You cannot really specifically target a person in this class. We also fall in this class of people many times till you are not understanding your dependence on anyone or anything around. I am badly dependent on my computer so I am always begging that there is no power cut. There is begging done. Though neither computer nor electricity is a person, not even an animal we do share a bond as if we both were organisms based on the same kind of system. So what if computers are silicon based and me a carbon based?

When two people are related and both are strong and independent there is not much of expectation or handicap in such a relation. But if any one person in a relation gets dependent on another person for any kind of handicap, that dependency never ends. Its like the person becomes a walking stick and that relation becoming the grip of that stick. As time passes by the relation grows stronger, the handicap person holds the grip tighter but walks faster all the time slowly starting to think that it’s the stick that needs him instead of him needing the stick. Expectations never drop because that is normal human nature. If the stick breaks for some reason, the handicap person sticks it again (considering that he doesn’t have access to another sticks at the time) and expects the same strength. In the other situation, like a virus he starts looking for some another stick that can replace his old one.

We face many such people all the time who use us and maybe throw us like sticks. But what has it to do with the beggar episode? Everyone would sure remember a time when you helped someone for quite much time to get out of a huge problem or just push them up to their goals. When they reach their goal they either forget you or come back with a new problem. They start taking you for granted to solve their problems which is fine enough. You actually upgrade them to a better person with new confidence and strength, but they use the same to put you down. With their new built confidence and abilities they slowly start showing you how they are better than you, and how you fail to support them properly. Eventually a time comes when they start showing themselves better and strong and you as weak in public. There is no way you can avoid them or confront the truth to them because of your relation and true ability. This is not a case like teacher and student, because a student is aware that he she is a student. Eventually you reach a beggar’s point (as I call it), when the handicap person gets arrogant and strong enough to decline your help because he feels that you are incapable of helping a strong person like him.

So eventually BEGGARS ARE CHOOSERS!!!! But I also know that a crab is crab. It never walks straight but will always think that it is walking straight. It is very right for a crab to walk like that, it is not supposed to walk straight like we do, but identifying a crab is important. Identifying the leech or the virus kind of behavior is important. This will always save us from helping wrong people and making a fool of ourselves. There are ignorant people around. Their ignorance becomes arrogance with time, but since they are based on a foundation of ignorance, their achievements and arrogance collapse with time. The control of time is not in our hands but the utilization of time is. We don’t have the control over relations that just end up happening by themselves but we do have a way of controlling how they proceed. It is always good to be smart, intelligent and having our eyes wide open to understand our own capabilities and handicaps. More important than avoiding these kind of beggars around, we should avoid being one of them. Dependency is handicap in material world just as relationship attachments are handicap in spiritual world. Maybe its very difficult to avoid them in normal life, but for sure we can be grateful and non-ignorant not disrespecting the people who gave us those alms that we needed… who laid the foundations we stand upon today.

So eventually you should know by now that it was not just one experience that makes me believe now - Beggars are choosers!

Ignorant Indian PR & Media

2009-09-11T21:30:00.001+05:30

Mind you! Though this blog has Michael Jackson reference, its not about Michael Jackson.

Since I was young I was facing a lot of retaliation about being in music career. One basic reason in India – Is it a career? And then there were a lot of explanations being fired whenever there was a chance to take a shot. Each time someone heard the story of some veteran or classic Indian artist, we heard about how they were in a bad financial state and struggling hard to live a decent life. My dad many times kind of highlighted these stories. Though he was extremely right about them, it was not a reason to avoid this career for I knew there were artists in the west who made a decent living for their estate/family even after they died. So what were the Indian artists lacking?

The most important thing was the business of the entertainment industry. Producers or production houses are out here to make money and profit for themselves, so its wrong to say that they are the only exploiters. The exploited are generally people who are ignorant about the music business. Artists who generally perished in a bad state when away from their hay-days were generally artists who were only dedicated to art. Was that wrong or right is a greatly debatable question but in today’s age it won’t be possible to be an artist like that unless you have a rich godfather or family in the form of producers behind you.

Many people are aware of how Michael Jackson earns from the beatles songs, but no one was ever aware about how it happened. A video of Paul McCartney of the Beatles (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NPAP3-6wae4 ) explains it all. The Beatles were dedicated to the art and ignorant about the music business when this happened. Same happened with our Indian legends. As explained in one of my earlier blogs, Michael Jackson became one of the highest selling artists of all the time not only because he was immensely talented but because he was an equally shrewd businessman. Coming back to India and especially sometime around the year 2000, things changed in our film / entertainment industry.

I would agree that the first person to really use not just the term PR in our industry would be the legendary BigB (Amitabh Bachchan, mentioning for those who are out of India), but then there is someone else who really refined it. It was Shahrukh Khan who actually used PR most efficiently all the way to his glory. Over the years Indian Entertainment Industry grew, grew really well to global standards. It was time for celebration with high budget productions with higher budgeted marketing / PR expenditures. But things started going overboard. Newspapers became more of advertising columns than news itself. News bought by politicians, political parties, industries and our dear celebrities.

Affairs became too boring for people so celebrities had to jump to controversial PR (again pioneered or most efficiently used by MJ). After that before every film launch, there are to be a controversy surrounding the film or its stars. All started to become a routine for people. A layman started understanding that this is all – PROMOTIONS. The people who are most influenced by this PR / Marketing of films are people related to the entertainment, media and advertising industry more than a common man. The poor results of failing PR(s) started showing lately. Promos, opening acts, events for launches, celebrity presence and freebies also became boring. Leading and prestigious newspapers since 3-4 years have now started dedicating two pages everyday for getting pervert readers. One page dedicated to news having huge photos of sportspeople in skimpy dresses and another page for celebrities who could bare their existing / non-existing assets to the max or wear the least. The spaces for these articles and photos are also bought by the PR / Advertising agencies of these celebrities or corporations (for events & product launches). They are well placed after deciding whether to put the article as a news or just a byte.

Media is suddenly jumping to some important news and then ignoring it at the same speed leaving the reader no clue of what is happening. Swine Flu doesn’t become important as a pandemic here, it is important because political parties and governments can hide easily what is not to be known by the common man. It is easy to divert attention any kind of reader to the fear of death away from the corruption that might be deadlier. This is PR for governments and political parties.

But what shocked me today was the ultimate ignorance of Indian media in its business of selling space to celebrities. This was the ultimate proof of how newspapers are not giving news but just fooling you. The global audience was reading yesterday of how Jermaine Jackson’s plan to have a tribute concert in Vienna on the 29th failed because major artists like Akon & Mary Blige are not performing. There will be only B-List (Grade) artists performing in the concert. (http://www.google.com/hostednews/ap/article/ALeqM5ghXtR_-nFJ4974elRs52F6FX6q6gD9AKHAUO1). This morning when the global audience were reading the news that Jermaine Jackson’s Michael Jackson tribute concert has been delayed to 2010, Indian audience were reading about how Jermaine wants to hold tribute concert in India. They also mention that a great Indian singer performing not only in the Indian tribute concert but also in the Vienna concert. (http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/entertainment/bollywood/news-interviews/Sonus-ready-for-Jackson-tribute/articleshow/4994378.cms)

I think it should be embarrassing not just for this newspaper but also for the artist who PR agencies spent so much money for the space in the newspaper to get publicity. Maybe it is not the artist to blame, it is his PR agency and the ignorant newspaper that didn’t care to verify the news from the other side. It should be a huge shame for the artist and the newsgroup to see what has happened, but they will shrug it away carelessly as always. Maybe the PR bubble for India is close to burst and then things will settle down to better newsgroups or media where talented artists like these won’t loose their money or respect due to such ignorance. This A-Grade Indian artist will not realize the long-term harm of what happens when one global news agency reports that B-Grade artists are performing in a certain concert and the other reports that he is performing in the same concert.

Great artists generally perish when they start collecting people around them who only say "YES" to their views. I wish that we as Indian artists bring change and show that our cultures, our religions and our traditions have a power to give less importance to ourselves and more to the conscience that surrounds us. Maybe its time to realize that artist is not just about entertainment but a god's channel to pass some message. Let not fame and wealth get us carried away from the art we are passionate for. People who will say YES to everything you say will come and go, but what will remain is the art and not the PR.

Michael Jackson & The Leeches

2009-08-25T13:29:00.000+05:30

Why a blog on Michael again??? I can’t help it. Its nothing in appreciation or criticism of the King of Pop. This blog is about the opportunist, cunning and the selfish human mind in seek of profits from the worst possible happenings – DEATH. This is not necessarily a blog meant for people interested in Michael Jackson. This blog is for everyone who like me believe that humans are like viruses, they identify a potential ripe territory, harvest their interests there, exploit and suck the resources, leave their target dead and eventually move to the next one.

Some experts said “Michael Jackson will be richer in his death than when he was alive”. Just a few days after his death it seems to be a true calculation. But the analysis missed something far more important, far more treacherous. Michael Jackson’s death seems to be making other people richer too. As a fan, I got many offers, I saw many projects happening around and I saw the worst and the best people around Michael making profits in their best interests… all even after Michael has died.

We all are aware about the so-called wrong advisors, friends, some family members whom he hated and a lot more people Michael avoided all the time. His lonely life was a result of such people who were nothing but leeches that sucked on his fame, money and power in the entertainment industry. There were singers that came up naming him as inspiration and there were many who claimed to be his friends and confides. Many times Michael himself made vague statements about these so-called friends of how they were a torment for him.

When Michael was alive his advisors mostly were people who brought him deals and had a huge cut for themselves for securing the deal. There were many friends and family members who conveniently showed up for support during his ordeals and some conveniently who went into disappearance. Some even went ahead supporting allegations pounding Michael Jackson. Michael Jackson’s own will itself shows whom he cared for the most. His mother, his children and his love for so many helpless children around the world which is proved by the 20% of his estate earnings going to multiple charities worldwide.

There are numerous international celebrities, especially singers cashing on this opportunity right now. Artists who had never even mentioned Michael Jackson when he was alive (let forget support for him during his trial) have come up with tribute events. Some have gone to the stretch of performing Michael Jackson numbers in their own concerts and also releasing tribute songs!! A recent report in the international press also mentioned about Michael Jackson impersonators and artists cashing on the opportunity of Michael’s death quoting “Its hayday for Michael Jackson impersonators”. And this question eventually came to me from the press. I promptly told them what I was doing. I was not charging any money for my performances for tribute events but I was charging for any private parties or other commercial concerts, so were the other impersonators I know. Yes there has been an increasing demand for Michael Jackson performances.

There was another shocking group that I found on the internet. It send me many mails and invitations, recommending me to forward about the same to the fans registered on CLUBMJ. The mail stated that this group of fans had started a donation drive for Michael’s children. They were collecting money from Michael Jackson fans to help Michael’s children’s future since Michael had left them in a heavy debt. There were more groups urging fans to buy more n’ more Michael Jackson albums to secure the future of Prince Michael, Paris and Blanket.

I am a fan, not a fanatic. I don’t know if this status of mine really appreciable by these fans starting such projects. I don’t understand why they forget a simple thing about Michael Jackson. Michael Jackson earned a lot on the albums we bought, he spent, invested and made good business from that money. He has left maybe a debt but also a huge estate behind for his children. He donated millions of dollars in charity for homeless children and sick children worldwide. These children have been more unfortunate than Michael’s own right now. What Michael’s children are facing right now is the unfortunate death of their father at such a young age, but they are not broke without home, without love. They have thousands of loving fans, Michael’s family and a lot of people around. Why are these fans having charity drives for Michael’s children instead of collecting donations for the charities Michael supported or for Michael’s “HEAL THE WORLD FOUNDATION”?

When I made the Michael Jackson anthem I took contributions from a lot of fans worldwide right from the basics of whether the song should be slow, fast and what should it emote. The song’s success of 1 million downloads was not my credit, it was due to the fans who advised and contributed. The song was free. But now there are celebrities… mainly singers as I mentioned above. These so called supporters have never been around Michael, his thoughts or his fans. They are suddenly performing Michael Jackson numbers in their concert’s adding some spice to their usually routine performances. They have gone ahead making tribute songs which can be bought from I-tunes not only looting Michael Jackson fans but their own fans in the name of one legacy called – Michael Jackson.

The fan-club manager of one of the so called celebrity supporters had lately approached me. She claimed that her idol (the singer) was planning and making a tribute song for Michael Jackson and would love MJ Fan Club’s involvement in the project. I told her that we ourselves were working on a tribute song in sequel to our Michael Jackson anthem, but we would love to support their project as well. When we started working together it started with contribution of lyrics from the fans of the other celebrity who was making this tribute song. I reviewed the first one and found out the lyrics rather childish, poetic and totally absurd not befitting the KING OF POP. I was immediately banned from the project and the whole scenario. No one knows whether the celebrity himself knows of what happened and how, but then as other Michael Jackson fans had pointed out to me our doubts came true. This celebrity was out on a concert tour performing Michael’s songs, soon to release the tribute song and then inviting people close to Michael to his concerts in the name of the tributes. No one has seen this celebrity talk anything much about Michael Jackson in his whole long career and suddenly he seems to be banking on this unfortunate opportunity.

Going ahead I received messages from this celebrity’s fans threatening to sabotage the tribute song of CLUBMJ. This was a total laughable thing. How can they sabotage our song for Michael Jackson??? Funny! Taking another fact into consideration, this celebrity’s fans are not even a minute percentage of total Michael Jackson fans worldwide. There were another debacles with our MJ Tribute song. This time I planned to make this song sound more professional and not a hasty project like the MJ Anthem. I had talked to some of my friends who are well settled in the Indian music industry to help me arrange it. Since the song goes out to fans for free, I don’t have any budget and have to look for reliable people who can volunteer for such work. Such friends of mine backed of saying that due to my on going tussle about the tribute song with the celebrity, it might hamper their status in the industry and also their relations with this celebrity. But the song is happening and will hit out like MJ ANTHEM did. It will break records even that MJ ANTHEM created because fans all over the world are contributing.

I sincerely advise all Michael Jackson fans worldwide to understand what they are doing. Don’t do anything blindly in the name of support. There are thousands of people trying to make money in the name of Michael Jackson using Michael’s death as a tool to get you do things that they want to do. There are fans out there who are holding vigils, there are fans out there who are asking you to donate a dot for a MJ portrait, there are fans like me asking you to drop a line or two for MJ tribute song lyrics, there are fans out there who are holding tribute concerts and need financial help for the event, there are fans out there who are buying MJ albums just to keep them high on the charts, there are fans out there who are going to schools and teaching songs like ‘Heal the World’, there are fans who are creating awareness about MJ’s humanitarian image. Go out and support them. We don’t need fraudsters and outsiders who are exploiting us and Michael’s legacy to their own benefit. If you are attending a MJ tribute event, make sure that it is organized by fans and not by anyone else.

With Michael’s new movie with the footage of THIS IS IT rehearsals coming out there will be more speculation and promotions to come up. This is a time when we all will live the experience that never happened… THIS IS IT concerts. Not just fans but the world will know of what a spectacular show Michael was planning with never seen 3D effects, live animals, pyrotechnics never seen on the stage. This was going to be the biggest concert that ever happened in the entertainment industry, now this concert will happen on the movie screens as BEHIND THE SCENES footage. I think fans should eagerly wait for this movie and the unreleased songs which will be released in future. There is a lot of stuff Michael has left behind apart from his DEBT which is the only thing media seems to be focused on. Stay positive and keep the faith! Stay away from leeches and their projects who are exploiting Michael’s death! Michael was diseased by these people when he lived, he was killed by them now its time that we exterminate these leeches.

A Brush with Swine Flu

2009-08-17T20:51:00.001+05:30

Everyone must have noticed that after 2nd August (mom’s 50th b’day) I had disappeared for about 10 days from chats, forums, blogs, everywhere! That was very unusual on my part since no matter how ill I am, I am on the web. But then I was very ill. After my mom’s birthday I went out with my friends for a work / leisure trip and when I returned on the 5th, I was down with fever @ 103 for around 4 days. The obvious suspect was swine flu, but none of my students, friends or anyone I knew had any. But still, it was swine flu that was eating everyone’s head whenever someone had sore throat, fever, bodyache… and the list goes on.

A confusion that created a hazard in my head for some days that finally I decided to relieve it with a stress reliever so I could atleast sleep and not just lay unconscious in my fever. That made me realize that I have become weak these days. With no aspirations & inspirations to play with my heart, my heart has become inactive…. Inactive enough to make my brain rot or rust in its material world. Believe me, but the 2 weeks were disgusting though they went in a sub-conscious state of mind of which I remember hardly few hours. My immediate defense was shutting down classes for the time-being.

Doctors!! The equally confused people as much as patients are. In times of panic they make you panic for more reasons. First they will test you, tell that since you don’t have this and that you don’t seem to have swine flu, but still take these medicines and if you don’t feel better in 3 days go to a swine flu test center. What the heck!?!?!? This is what happened to me. It seemed like 3 days were gonna test me for more than swine flu. Reading in the papers about the havoc at the centers scared me more. But still due to suggestions of some well-wishers, me and wifey decided to get myself tested at one of they new centers they opened. Finding the hospital wasn’t easy since the building was an old government building near a prestigious software company.

I asked my wife to wait in the car and went inside. I saw this queue for making CASE PAPERS. I looked around to find some people I could find clean, in around 100 I found 8-10 people who seemed hygienic. The rest seemed to be there from slums in a group what we can call a well-bred family. With mucus running down from noses, sneezing and coughing around, children were having a time of their life. Some sitting with sad faces and some with enlightened faces as if they were in some historic scene. Proud parents trying to clean their children, mask them and then keeping their own mouths open while coughing or shouting at them. I couldn’t stay there more. I came back to the car and told my wife that I would get infected with swine flu even if I don’t have any. There is dirt in there and there is no control and discipline over it.

I waited for 2 days. The fever subsided. I had no cough since I was undergoing treatment for eoscinophilia since a week before. So that worried me more. Was it that I was having symptoms which were being suppressed by the earlier medication which was to be continuous for 21 days. My throat problem has been persistent since march, but doctors won’t take a chance, he still wanted me to go to the center after my 3 days trial period. This time I chose a new place close to the house. Though like I would drop in, check and then go home. Since the centers had increased I had high hopes. When I reached there I saw long queues. A man with a microphone was telling that this was just a counseling center, but only those who get suspected here will get a letter for further tests at the advanced test center. So whether you had swine flu or not, you had to go through one of these. I decided to go home, have lunch, some nap and return.

When I returned there were still long queues. A pretty girl that I had noticed when I had come in the earlier part of the day had reached just the door of the doc’s cabin after 4 hours. I knew I was gonna have a hard time. I put up a mask and as an additional precaution put a handkerchief in it. With so many children and people around with flu there was no question that I might get infected with swine-flu or worse. Though being in people was making me feel good somewhat. It has been around 9 years maybe that I haven’t been a part of offices or some process that the society is a part of. Not even in festivals. I was in a nostalgic mood somewhat and with people around that seemed genuine. Somewhat since I have explored around, I have always found the lower class, middle-class people more genuine and convincing that any other. Some moments with them revive some kind of humanity within ourselves. This doesn’t happen with the show-off world that we are generally associated with. Formal gestures…. ‘How r u’s… nothing like that. If they talk they talk sense and for their own reasons. Those reasons might be selfish but still… genuine. They don’t talk to create an impression.

A man in front of me was smiling through his handkerchief mask. His eyes were trying to tell something but he wasn’t sure if he should speak to me. Just to open the conversation I said “It seems like we have to be in the line for quite much time.” He smiled back and asked “Aapko swine flu hua hai??? (Translation – Do you have swine flu??). Oops. No… I don’t think so.. I muttered, I said I guess we are here to test! He was happy that someone educated is in the same process that he was. He started blaming about how government was inefficient in tackling the problem and things that made him seem like he was the right person to be the health minister. Till that time I was looking around at the number of people around which was increasing.

The man on the microphone again made an announcement that this was pre-screening center and not test center. Some female folks came to me asking if they were at the right place. I told them not to worry they were. But I was worried about some factors here. The kids were running around rubbing against my clothes and everyone around. Kids that were dirty and flowing with cold and cough.

The place was congested. The worst part was about the elders spitting their cough around… maybe they were going on the side and doing that but when will Indians understand the unhygienic part of spitting around? The worst part is that the notices sent by government don’t mention anything about spitting. They only tell to cover mouth while coughing and sneezing. Seems like we have to make health ministers sit on two-wheelers and make a trip around pune to understand how much saliva they will bathe in when people infront of them spits. Earlier the system seemed faulty but then what the man infront of me told was right. It wasn’t the hospital or the staff here that was inefficient, it was the rules and interferences by the govt that was making it worse.

After sometime in line I was trying hard to ignore all these things around till a lady approached me. She was from a good house and not at all dirty. She asked me how long should the line take. After initial conversation she told me that she had got her son here but it was actually her daughter who was unwell. She asked me if I could make the case papers for her till she gets her daughter. I said I wouldn’t mind if the officials allow more than 1 paper made by a single person. Someone who had done the papers confirmed that we could. After 2 hours I reached close to the desk for just making a case paper. I head a quarrel at the table. The official was asking the person why was he reading names from a paper chit about the people whom he claimed to be his relatives. I was going to do the same. So quickly I got out the paper that lady had given me and tried to remember the name, age and address of the girl. I reached the table and confidently told their names and made papers for all of us.

Now there was a new queue for the doctor. I was thirsty & hungry but carrying a bottle of glucose water. I was still weak from the fever @ 103. I was worried about the line but suddenly felt better when I heard a strong voice in front of me asking a doctor. “What happened to the doctor inside? Went home?” They started a conversation when I realized that this guy was some local goon or politician. Though he was throwing his power around I was happy that he was standing in the line. Then suddenly the official said “Why whats the problem with the other doctor? There’s no line in there???”. Before he confirmed anything I sped off to the place he tried to look at and found myself lucky. Only 4 people in front of me. But the time the politician realized what happened he was way back in the queue behind me. I was worried for the lady who hadn’t still arrived. I called her on her phone and told her to hurry. I was close to the doctor. She didn’t come till I finished with the doctor. The doctor’s test hardly lasted for 20 seconds. She made me open my mouth and said ‘aaaaaaaaa’, the usual routine. Asked for symptoms. Wrote down some medicines and told me to have them. Come back for tests if you don’t improve she said.

Now a queue for medicines. Oh god.. that was one spiral going like a snake for a long long time. Now I saw a new problem. Some people were with bottles in their hands to carry the tonic/syrup these medical officers were giving. I told a guy behind me that I will be back with a bottle. I ran out asking people around. Everyone seemed confused. One man pointed at a bungalow infront of the hospital but since there was no shop there I thought that the person was out of his mind. I went to a fruit stall near by and asked where I could get a bottle. He pointed at a tacky shop selling bangles. After enquiry the owner handed me a bottle for Rs. 5. A bottle containing rose water for fragrance purpose. He said throw this water out and fill it with syrup. That bottle was very dusty, I asked what about the big bottle, he said 10. I said cool, give me that one but get rid of the water here itself. That stupid jerk opened the lid with his mouth. Oops… yuck!!!! Now what. I didn’t say anything. I rushed back to the hospital and wasn’t finding a single tap of water, a sink .. nothing. Think of it, there is a water pumping station next to the hospital.

I saw a policeman sitting on the chair maintaining the chaos. I asked him where I could find a tap of water. He looked at me as if I was an alien. He said “Water tap??? What for??” I explained him my situation but he had no idea. Suddenly I felt a tap on my shoulder. It was the lady who was back with her daughter. She said I have been looking for you. I explained her the problem which made her realize that she needed a bottle too. I asked her to get her daughter checked by the time I will stand in the medicines line and she could take medicines with me. I told her that if she was getting a bottle please get mine washed. She obliged and left. But she came back soon. She told me that the bungalow infront of the hospital was stocked with clean bottles kept by the residents as a social service for people around. I understood how stupid I was to buy that rose water bottle. But thankfully I had a bottle now.

The line wasn’t moving any faster. The lady said just as an idea she will wait in the other queue for medicines which seemed to move faster. Yes it was quite faster. She called me when she reached the window giving out medicines. I rushed out there and with some commotion with other people in the queue, I worried if I would loose my number in both the queues, fortunately the lady who was fighting with me was without a bottle, and we promised her one if she wouldn’t create any havoc. We had one extra bottle of water which we decided to sacrifice. My turn came and I smiled at the person giving medicines. For some reason he found me out of place. He shockingly looked at me and asked “Marathi yeta ka? (Do you understand marathi language?)”. I said ofcourse.. I am marathi. He said ok and gave me a moment to look inside.

I saw containers of pills. A lot of pills. Cans of orange syrups that was being poured into beakers and then bottles. I smiled and handed over my bottle. He promptly returned it saying that I wasn’t prescribed any syrup. He gave me pills for 3 days that he was giving to everyone else. He laid them down on a dirty wooden table and said “3 pills, twice a day after lunch and dinner”. Wrapped them in a paper and handed over. “NEXT” he called out. I decided no matter what I am not gonna have these medicines. I had managed to know the names of the medicines except one from the containers they were stacked in. I didn’t wait to say bye to the lady whom I made the case papers for but while leaving I was stopped by the politician who had unknowingly helped me get things done faster. He said “Can you tell me where to get a bottle for syrup?” I told him that I just handed over my empty bottle to a person standing behind me, but the lady had an extra. He said “Oh, that’s my brother, I was looking for a bottle for him.” I said cool and thanked god for giving me a chance to repay his indirect help to me. I rushed out of the hospital as soon as I could. I wanted to have a bath and feel clean. I stuffed the medicines into a bag and threw them. One could never know if that was expired stock. Even if it wasn’t, they weren’t clean. I told the docs about my experience and hoped I didn’t have swine flu.

Thankfully no fever for quite many days but the throat irritation persists. Taking treatment from the best ENT in town for the same. By that time my treatment for eoscinophilia will be over. The transit of Saturn has given a lot of health problems since some months now. It will be over soon and I hope to get better. I have concerts to perform and I want to be well by then. My throat is worrying me a lot, but docs say nothing is serious but not being diagnosed since long. Lets see.

Now people don’t need to worry if they have swine flu for more than one reasons. Its curable, and it can be diagnosed at private and cleaner hospitals. Don’t make a mistake of going to these government centers handled by efficient staff and doctors but governed by people who are flooding the media with swine-flu to hide some other scams. Lets hope that everyone gets vaccinated before getting infected in the round-2 of swine flu.

An Entertainment Era called "Michael Jackson"

2009-06-29T20:55:00.003+05:30

25th June 2009 (26th June morning in India). I woke up due to a call at 3.30 AM in the morning. A call from my dear friend in London. She was crying. All she said was come online. By the time I went online, one more call followed from LA, from a source close to MJ who said "Mike is dead!". I couldn't believe my ears. The next thing I did was googling news for Michael Jackson and saw the news "Michael Jackson feared dead". Still I didn't believe. For me Michael Jackson is far more than King of Pop, far more than the God of Show Business he was something more important. He was my guru when it comes to music business, music presentation and arranging music. Music business leads to PR. Which artist do we know to have handled PR as effeciently as Michael Jackson??? He is the ruler when it comes to using negative publicity to one's benefit. And this is the same reason my student mind (his PR student) made me think for a moment that this is some gag to promote the concerts. In my mind I hoped that this was some PR stunt though I knew it would be wrong, I didn't want to loose him. But I was wrong. My worst vision had come true. It was in 2001 when Invincible was launched I had told my friend about this. He didn't believe me then. He called me saying "your words are ringing in my ears loudly now".

When the investigation started and things started surfacing, news started getting as controversial as Michael's life. Lisa Marie talking about Michael knowing about his sudden death at this age was not surprising for me. When the medication overdose was doing the runs with things like demerol it was obvious that Michael had given indications about this in his 1995 HIStory album called MORPHINE. The bridge goes -

Relax .... This won't hurt you
Before I put it in .... Close your eyes and count to ten
Don't cry ... I won't convert you
There's no need to dismay ... Close your eyes and drift away

Demerol Demerol... Oh God he's taking demerol
Demerol Demerol... Oh God he's taking demerol

He's tried... Hard to convince her
To be over what he had... Today he wants it twice as bad
Don't cry... I won't resent you
Yesterday you had his trust... Today he's taking twice as much

Demerol Demerol... Oh God he's taking demerol
Demerol Demerol... Oh my Oh God it's Demerol

It is not very obvious. I think every artist is spiritual and a visionary. Michael had business skills, spiritual skills, many more things. What made him weird was his isolated life from the real world since he was on the stage with thousands of people in audience since he was 10. Imagine yourself living a life like that. Why wouldn't you be weird or strange not understand how to behave in real world. Not to mention that every person he tried to befriend was trying to gain something from him. Through the history he showed in his actions and interviews that he had a very few trustworthy friends and never trusted his family which was always trying to encash on his publicity. His biographers always mentioned about his sadness and his non-stop efforts to run away from his family. The recent news about his will not to be disclosed to his family seems to be the last thing to prove that. He loved them as well. He loved Janet and Jermaine. But still through all that he stayed away from them remaining untouchable. He couldn't be comfortable with selfish people around so he used to surround himself with robotic mannequins in his house. His friends were celebrities and very few of them remained to his side through thick and thin including Marlon Brando, Elizabeth Taylor and so many others, the list will go on endlessly.

His humanitarian efforts and his kindness is not as publicized as much as his weird behavior is. He was always caring and very passionate about helping the helpless. There are many reports that have always surfaced where Michael has donated to a individual or to a organisation. The media never had any interest in any of these records until now. The total charity Michael has done would be as equivalent to the debt he is pressured under. He has supported 39 charities and his own foundation along with charity singles like "We are the World". This is a hyped story about Michael oweing $450 million in debts. Its not hyped because of the kind of amount it mentions, it is hyped because it doesn't mention the assets of over $1 billion he owns, including the famous Beatles songs. What does owning a catalog mean. In the layman's terms. Whenever a beatles song like 'yesterday' is played on a radio, television or a concert, the royalty goes into Michael's pockets and not of any beatles members. He is also rumoured to own many catalog albums of Eminem and Beyonce.

There was Elvis, Lennon (Beatles) & then Michael Jackson. I think this would be the last star of that popularity calibre and influential status worldwide. Madonna and Prince are as accepted in the western countries but media would ignore this fact very nicely. They should go to an African or Indian slum areas and ask 10 people whether they know Elvis, Madonna, Beatles, Madonna, Prince or Michael Jackson. The answer obviously has to be Michael Jackson. He is known more than a singer and a normal celebrity (a small word to decribe his popularity). Michael Jackson is known for endless things like dancing, revolutionized music videos, new innovatory pyrotechnics and illusionary effects on stage. Industry analyists say that Michael redefined the terms - Performance and Musical Genius. Its not because he had all the money in the world to put his ideas in practice. Michael Jackson was a disciplined artist from his childhood. His childhood was spent of rigourous practice sessions that sometimes lasted more than 12 hours. He might have been weird in the normal world, but he was the best in his singing, musical arrangements, compositions, dance, stage setup, sound, everything in detail. He was that shy perfectionist that never left behind any effort by himself when it came to presentation of his work.

Michael Jackson's moonwalk was first showcased on the Motown 25th anniversary special with the famous white glove. Very less people know that after the concert ended Michael was frustrated and crying because he couldn't stand on his toes at the end of the moonwalk as long as he had planned too. Being a perfectionist practicing for hours he though he had done a horrible job and was crying crazy. Suddenly he met a kid on his way out who said you were incredible. That made him smile. He said that kids never pretend or lie. He then believed that he had infact given a great performance. The confirmation for this came when he got calls from greatest dancers and celebrities who watched his performance again and again. That was the start of the moonwalker era who was about to make the record never broken till date. Thriller his 2nd album as an adult had shattered all records and till date happens to be the highest selling album selling over 59 million copies. If the total sales of his albums were to be counted they are well over 750 million.

What was his effect on Bollywood? HUGE! See Hritik do those mind boggling steps. EK pal ka jeena famous step is just a modified version of thriller dance with hands pushing in. His famous FILMFARE performance in red jacket was MJ's Billie Jean performance. I am not demeaning Hritik here in anyway. I love him as anyone else does but mentioning him here is important because he is the latest and biggest sensation in the industry and if something influences him forget the others. By now everyone also must have read blogs and comments by Ram Gopal Verma, Amitabh Bachchan and A.R.Rehman. We have a horde of artists like Mithun, Govinda, Ganesh Hegde, Shaimak Davar, Farah Khan and a lot more influenced by MJ And known as big MJ fans. Would anyone care about breakdance if there was no moonwalker who was marketing himself so deeply into the world audience? Michael's marketing was phenomenal. Watch the Nazi kind of march video and the huge statue he flown over the river thames when he was launching HIStory. Black or White happens to be the song premeire watched by the highest number of audience in world history. The production cost of HIStory and Invincible albums are known to be highest in music history.

Which other artist would surpass this. Induction into Rock & Roll Hall of Fame twice, Guinness World Records calls him "Successful Entertainer of all Time", 13 Grammy Awards, 13 Number 1 singles, 750 million sales worldwide and not to mention his concert which was bound to happen in july "THIS IS IT" selling more than 50 concerts in just 8 hours making it "The Highest Selling Concert at a single Venue", "Fastest Selling Concert Ever" & "Concert with highest audience at a single venue". Michael died on the verge of his sure-success comeback. I think that everyone knows a rule by now. The greater the success.. the equivalent price one has to pay in terms of allegations, controversies or similar trouble. No celebrity was spared from this in history. I think God must have been intelligent enough of not letting Michael have more pressure and hurt in life in the form of newly found success through the concerts. I also feel fortunate that he didn't go through a prolonged death process like cancer patients do, but infact died a death with a momentary pain. Maybe this also isn't true. The man was suffering all his life due to various reasons. Sometimes the people he loved and believed him hurt him. The media played their role quite often but that was a result of his negative PR stunts as well. He was often hurt by the pain he saw in the world around and understanding that he was limited in his ways to solve that. Whatever it was it was a person, a phenomena never to happen at this scale again. Michael Jackson has left behind a huge legacy for his fans, the artists he influenced, his friends and family. I think the fans and artists like me who are influenced by him have a bigger responsibility now to continue enriching the legacy he left behind.

Now that he is gone from this mortal world, fans don't need to spend their time fighting the rumours and controversies he was always surrounded with, now they can spend more time talking about his records and helping new generation know what is the kind of music that lasts for ever and what is the kind of music that they hear, something that doesn't have life beyond a few months. How to give back the world as a humanitarian. How to present yourself on the stage giving a complete performance using every conceivable technology and creative skills. What we have lost is the mortal being of Michael which his soul used for converting his visions into a reality. We have lost a great source of those visions, those ideas, something we have never seen someone else come up with. He will rest in peace now away from the world he gave and got from also resting all the negative controversies and rumours that haunted him all his life.

I have left mentioning a lot of things here. It would take a book. Even my own The Michael Jackson Anthem had 1 million downloads not because it was a great song but because it had a name Michael Jackson attached to it.

Nikhil Gangavane
Founder / President
www.clubmj.com - The Official Indian Michael Jackson Fanclub

Birthday Lesson

2009-05-14T00:22:00.000+05:30

Its been quite many days since I blogged. Some would be thankful and some angry. Well I am back. Very tired and very bored. The weather seems nice on the terrace. Yes I am on a laptop typing this blog since I have got nothing else to do. Its my birthday, and I can't party due to the health problems I am facing due to the crazy heat, nor can I work as usual since I am stuck in a power failure since 2 hours now. Its 8 PM and I am getting frustrated. Today couldn't work much as had to visit the hospital to see how grandma is doing after her yesterday's surgery. Additionally I had more work to attend today only since I had to check my stock and burn some things for Shammiji who has invited me tomorrow at his residence. This is the only exciting thing that happened today and also the best gift I guess.

Turning 30 today and life seems ridiculously boring. I feel confined in a jail where there are no open gates for expression and celebration. Did marriage do this to me? I cannot blame it alone. I think the age makes a person more serious and mysterious as well. Have been facing people who misunderstand me all the time, so nothing new or exciting about it either. The crisis and the problems in life are so stale and boring! It reminds me of my days of education when I used to work for small software companies and program in visual basic. The main reason I left that world was something like this only. The projects and the problems they created seemed new initially. Later I understood that the same algorithm or logic worked on them all. There was one basic equation that applied to everything. Same is in the life. What I understood new is quite an interesting finding though.

I've been in horrendous stress last 2-3 months. In childhood I was a quiet person often considered as introvert. Later in the college days... fun days... I was considered an extrovert person who doesn't allow others to talk. Later I settled with something in between. What I understood was that the introvert and extrovert terms were just the visions I cast on the world around me or maybe what our religion calls as MAYA, which casting some illusions in their visions. I think the problem was the scope of the number of people I was talking to. It was too wide. I think I opened myself to too many people and maybe most of them were people whom I shouldn't have ever been talking to. Thankfully though open-minded, I never did anything wrong that would make me regret anything. I also didn't capture the fancy of people who thought I was weird or great. I always kept telling them that I am not, since I lost the only war I ever wanted to fight. ummmm.. .love n' war are the same I guess.

Today, I am like a child again. What people would call introvert. I am panicky when silly things happen to me. I am drowned in my work like I used to be drowned in carefreeness in childhood. No I dont hate my work. I love it too much. Dont think I am complaining. What was incredible till now was the desire to make people understand about their misunderstandings about me... correcting them. Was that too big of an ambition??? I don't think so. But making people understand things that are beyond their capacity can be an ambition. Right now my black labrador Shania is snoring beside me, and she is the best example for that. I can never maker her like the smell of a flower of some favorite perfume of mine, she will always like the smell of meat.

I had long back read some story in Aesop's fables about this. I don't remember it clearly though. A bored king kept a competition of entertainment to find the best entertainment. Some crazy comedian made a sound of a pig making the audience think that the pig was hidden under his cloak, but to the astonishment of the audience he showed that it was he who was making the sound. A farmer in the audience was not impressed by this, so he challenged them all that the next day he will give a better performance. No one agreed on this. The next day the farmer performed the same trick but the audience booed him saying he didn't sound like a pig. The clever farmer quickly took a pig outside his cloak and made it grunt. He proved to the audience that a real pig made a different sound than what the comedian was showing them.

The moral - You need to convince people by their senses and not by logic, because not all will be open-minded and most importantly intelligent to understand your logic. A nice lesson, which is now more of an action required in my life. I was stuck to one basic issue to test this funda, what happens if I spray a rose with the scent of meat. My dog will surely gulp down that rose thinking its meat. She will sniff and like the smell too. But is my mission of convincing expecting this kind of a result?? Shania will like the smell or gulp it down just thinking that its some food like bread mixed with meat. She won't be actually like the smell of the rose. My mission is to make her like the rose. Maybe a move beyond my capacity, maybe something only God can do. But taking humans into consideration it seems that it is much easier than changing a stupid person's beliefs. Stupid people misunderstand because they feel they are intelligent to understand everything. Might be if not my logic it can be easier to make them understand things a better way.

The choice arises here of whether we really want to spend so much time and effort on these kind of people. So its better to narrow down your search and create a list of people who really matter to you. In last 30 years I understood that misunderstanding people keep changing their misunderstandings all their life, so maybe even their understanding might not remain permanent. Changing a person's beliefs might not be that essential in such cases. Again this trait of theirs design their personality. I am with flaws as well, but I try to reap from those. If someone tries to correct my flaws which over the years I have cultivated for a positive outcome maybe even I would get bugged or stay adamant on someone else's efforts to erase them.

The wish finally comes down to a person who is open-minded enough to understand one's flaws. It is when that person identifies a flaw in oneself, that he/she will be ready to overcome it or use it the positive way. If a person doesn't identify a flaw as flaw... or a disease as disease, no one in the world can provide a good medication for it, even if it is a medication that works well. Just sometime back I got a call from a friend telling that there are no lights in major parts of Pune, so its not juts my area suffering as I anticipated wrongly. My dad reminded me of my bad reputation with power. 10 minutes before I was born there was a power failure, I was born in the dark... Maybe that is the reason why I love the nights and the moon so much. But the bad part is that the power plays its game on every birthday of mine. Every time there is a power failure. Maybe I use it too much for work, and it had an intuition of this thing when I was born. hehe. Should wind up now. Before you all start getting bored like I am.

Till next blog.... cya... and try to convince people by their senses and not by logic. It works u know :)

Love n' Regards
Nikhil

Bliss in Ignorance... A Fool's Refuge

2009-01-06T19:59:00.001+05:30

© Photographer: Thefinalmiracle | Agency: Dreamstime.com

John was a regular visitor to charity institutions. His life felt incomplete without talking to people in need and trying to make them feel better. He did not donate anything in cash or kind. He spent his time with children, elders or general people in distress that he came across in real life on in some institutions. In an orphanage he always used to meet Peter, a boy who was very enthusiastic in craft and art, but otherwise very depressed person. After talking to Peter time and again, John realized that Peter was always ill-treated by his caretakers as well as his limited friends around. Though, the inmates liked Peter's work, they generally avoided him when it came to real involvement as a friend.

A few months later Peter was liked by a couple who was going to adopt him. Peter was very skeptical and uncomfortable with the couple who was going to adopt him. Though the couple seemed to be financially good and understanding, there seemed to be some problem. John was somewhat optimistic that the experience in a new world might help Peter become a happy & strong person after facing new challenges and expansion of life. Sadly within some months Peter returned back to the orphanage. When questioned he told that he was living no different life than in the orphanage and infact the couple was being cruel to him. The couple on the other hand complained about Peter's depressing nature and inability to understand situations in the normal way.

John and Peter's relation was becoming stronger day by day after Peter returned to the orphanage. He related well to John and seemed to understand what John tried to explain him. Peter was 14 and since the orphanage had a limit of having kids only under age of 15, John was getting worried for him. Peter on the other hand was also getting worried about the job he would have had to do after being out of the orphanage and to be in a total alien world with no one to understand him as well as John did. John was a widower (his wife and son had died in a plane crash) but he was still passionate about his own life, lost wife and boy. He had never wished to have a liability like a child since he felt he was a free as a soul (without his soulmate). Suddenly, he started pondering over the idea of adopting Peter, which he didn't want to do only out of pity or sympathy that he was feeling now. If he had to adopt, he wanted to first love the boy like his own and then do that.

Finally after some months of self programming (training), John became convinced that he loved Peter enough that he couldn't let him face the world alone, especially with the challenge he faced about understanding simple things the way they are. He thought Peter had enough of bad luck in his life and it was time he could enjoy life and become more comfortable with it. Since Peter consulted John and followed every advice John gave, John believed that it would be easier for him to make Peter happy after adopting him. But before doing so, John clarified to Peter the priority for his own passions - his work, and his eternal love for his lost wife and son. Peter understood John's state of mind and was very grateful to John for considering to adopt him.

Some months went by, and John started realizing that Peter was changing. He was taking John, his family and friends for granted and used to behave very carelessly and erratically. Many a times Peter would blame John for ignoring him for his work or his quiet moments in the memories his lost wife and son. Apart from being depressed and moody, Peter was making normal life of John go haywire with his tantrums and demand for attention. John in turn tried to explain Peter in many ways, sometimes with the help of his friends, of how there were somethings that John couldn't give up. When not understood, John took the final step of not giving any of time for his peaceful thoughts of his lost wife and son but couldn't limit his work hours due to the pressure to take care of himself and Peter. But this also didn't help.

Some months later, Peter's closest friend from the orphanage visited him after years. John was happy that maybe this meeting would help Peter understand his situation better since Peter's friend himself was also having a serious trouble with the parents who had adopted him. John also took Peter and his friend out for a short picnic, a dinner and was happy to see Peter happy until he sat down with Peter and his friend to discuss about Peter's problem. Shockingly John realized that Peter's friend had played an influential role to increase Peter's negative thoughts about John. Peter's friend himself was always incapable about handling his own situation had brainwashed Peter and his way of thinking. Peter and his friend now blamed that John had adopted Peter so that he could have a helper in the house. The claimed that John is a self-obsessed person who was constantly involved in his own work and thoughts of past life. They made endless nonsensical allegations that shocked John, his family and friends.

John was broken after hearing all this at the risk of all sacrifices he had made. Instead of showing gratitude, Peter and his friend had abused John of selfishness, when John had sacrificed many things to make Peter happy. Things were beyond repair since John gave up all hopes because he didn't feel the need to do anything more for Peter ever again. The kind of treatment he had recieved for the greatest selfless move he had made in life left him devasted. He was sure that he could never love or trust Peter ever again. In all this mess, Peter and his friend were still amassing support for their claims by trying to convince John's friends and relatives about the lies they themselves believed in. This made John realized that Peter was not just suffering from a mental illness causing depression or mistrust about everyone around, but also a high level of stupidity which never allow his creativity or good intentions to flourish.

John finally decided that no matter what anyone believed, enough damage was done in his life. It was time to tell Peter to understand the situation well or to leave his house for good. He very well believed that Peter could never be trusted again after this deed and it was impossible to love him as a son again. John also spend a hard time in having discussions with his friends and relatives about Peter, who anyway never believed in what Peter and his friend had told them. They all had to reach to a decision of what had to be done about Peter. Surely enough a tough struggle lied ahead. After several discussions and analysis about Peter's life in the past and present, a decision was taken. John called and told Peter that if he had to live with John, he had to live under certain rules that John put up otherwise Peter had to leave home and find a house of his own. John also told Peter that he had lost all the love and concern he felt for him, and if Peter continued to stay with him, he would have to struggle a lot to revive them, with no surity about their revival. John had made a big mistake in his life, but Peter had made a bigger mistake. After growing old, instead of analysing the failure of his own relations with most of the people he came accross in life, he tried to judge himself from the fewer relations that succeeded.

The further life of John and Peter are unknown because the above story was a metaphorical representation of what we all face everyday in the role of Peter or John. Maybe sometimes we fail to appreciate those who unknowngly help us selflessly, and since we are not selfless enough we cannot actually believe such a selfless deed. On the other hand, sometimes we do help someone selflessly and end up getting kicked in the butt. Whatever the case we have to walk on, but walk on understanding and correcting the mistake we make earlier. Maybe none of us is as selfless as John or as stupid as Peter, but we must always remember to choose the people we should be kind to. We should also control our kindness depending on the response or understanding from the other person. At the same time we should always be carefully observant of what people around do for us, sometimes when we ask them for help.... and sometimes when they just help us understanding that we need it!

The Greatest Gift of All!

2009-01-05T12:32:00.011+05:30

© Photographer: Thefinalmiracle | Agency: Dreamstime.com

A strange feeling pressures me whenever I am supposed to visit someone for a birthday / anniversary party or a similar occasion. Whenever a gifting or taking a gift on a specific occasion is involved I get very uncomfortable. Earlier I thought that recieving a gift pressures me to gift back something of the same value. Surprisingly after my financial conditions improved, I realized that its not that. Recently, since I have started getting more time for myself, I sat down, concentrated with a single objective in my mind of solving this gift issue.

This traces down back to my childhood. I have always been a person who preferred to be left alone. I seldom related to people. Though I am known to have a lot of friends or contacts, I might be with them for general fun or just being there for them, otherwise there are actually very people I consider going to when I am in trouble. Those are the people whom I feel related to. In my whole childhood till 10th standard, though acquainted and always being with many people, I actually had only 2-3 friends. Outside the house I used to be a friend of all, but back home I was specific. Rather I never invited more than those people to my place ever. And I was and am still happy with the same kind of isolation.

Things became more clearer sometime in 8th standard, when definition of friendship got more clearer and intense. There came a friend who still happens to be with me... Amit. Our friendship changed the whole world for both of us forever. It was not untill 8 years of our friendship that we realized that forget even gifting each other on birthdays, we never even have really wished each other. We didn't find that fact astonishing when we realized that. We had been together almost everyday, and since we were known as the most notorious kids in the school, we were living life to the fullest. The enjoyment of life or rather the difference between living and surviving a life dawned on me after carefully analysing this friendship of ours. But gifting was again not an issue even to be considered because whenever anyone of us knew that we wanted something, we used to manage to get it ourselves or help each other getting it. It was like his wish to have something became mine and viceversa. So the passion of having a certain thing used to become a common thing and then we used to strive for that, get that and then be happy for that. Even if I got something because of his help, or directly from him, the concept of gift never came in picture and viceversa.

Recently he got married and he was visiting the city first time since he moved out before marraige. For some reasons after picking him up at the station and while coming home I drove to a mall and gifted them both something, all the time wondering about why was I doing it. For sure there was no pressure that he had gifted me something in my marriage (since he had not) that I was trying to gift him something equally valuable in terms of money or close to heart. The thing that had changed was the pressure on me from wifey who was trying to make me more civilized instead of being the weird isolated tribal lifestyle I am used to. Thankfully this didn't affect Amit or me (After I realised why I gifted).

But gifting somewhat has become to artificial and mechanical in recent times as far as I have seen. In fact many people expect gifts from people whom they can count on, people they love or people who love them. Its become mandatory or sometimes even a style statement to gift someone. This didn't happen with me, but I have seen couples throw tantrums over the gift they did or didn't recieve on a birthday or an anniversary. The whole gifting scenario has become so dependent on an occasion that people hardly realise that there is a compulsive obsession behind the whole gifting scene. Again, here I am not denying any couples existing who do it naturally, but if I am right, they do it regardless the existence of an occassion. I am also not denying the non-couple, or non-friends gifts that are given to stay in the good books of acquaintances to reap the results.

So what was it that made my and Amit's relation different that taught me about gifting the right way or rather scaring me about the whole concept of gifting. It was about time. The time me and Amit spent with each other was always like a celebration every time. We never got bored of each other, but if we got bored of the situation we were in, we used to hunt up something interesting to do or just chill. Staying as a pair we used to roam around meeting people, talking to them again moving on. Maybe because we stayed away for a lot of time not studying and doing things that people call worthless, we were actually learning a lot about life. Those bunking of school and classes and then going for long rides on the bike used to help. Basically because we can talk and relate to the life of any person we meet. And generally in those times we used to end up talking to a chanawala or chai wala. There was no boundry for the class that we had friends in, and we were understanding and learning all aspects of life.

Looking back, now I understand that in many of the people who were either very important in the society or on the other side the least important were hardly aware of their own birthdays or anniversaries. Some people didn't even know about those dates and those who knew didn't remember till some relatives or friends threw up a bash for them. These people had been enjoying life everyday, gifting and recieving gifts like a routine and still with an appreciation that would be expressed on an occasion. They had not got tired of these gifts but infact were equally fascinated when someone gifted them something... equally enthusaistic when they wanted to gift someone. These people had been busy and enjoying more important aspect of life, using the time to the fullest, making the best out of whatever resources they had.

Coming back, after a lot of time being wasted in all these factors and when the time came that me and Amit had to think not just about living but about earning a living, things changed but it was quite an alien like situation. We did good in our respective fields but still haven't really been able to accept this culture around. Soon we got adapted to it but it has always been like a formality, and artificial move.

In todays world everyone is busy. We all have our targets whether we are doing business or doing a job. Basically we are employed by time for whatever the reasons. Its the most precious thing we have, and since we don't know how long we will live... we don't know how much time do we have. If there are problems today in the world of relations, they have mostly been due to the lack of time we spend for that relation. Though spending of time should also not become a routine, spending that time for a relation is important. A compensation is required somewhere, maybe with a short vacation. Today, I feel the biggest gift I can recieve from someone is having their time to discuss my pain or happiness when I want to share it. Similarly, I feel, it is the most important gift I can give someone. Being there when they really need me.

We surely can't get up everyday like in teen days and decide that at 7 o' clock, we all friends meet at a certain joint. It will become a routine.... and any routine is boring, it brings a boredom factor whatever we can do more interestingly. Since we all have our priorities if not always ambitions and goals, meeting at the right time with ample time would be the greatest gift of all! The gift of time helps you understand yourself, life, your loved ones and most importantly the importance of time. Obviously too much of anything is bad, so one has to be careful that even time is gifted and the right time and in right amount. :)

© Photographer: Thefinalmiracle | Agency: Dreamstime.com

End of World or Advanced Humans?

2008-11-17T22:30:00.004+05:30

I dunno why I am writing a blog that sounds so silly after this topic is being blurted over the media again and again. 'End of the World', Pollution, Health Hazards, etc. Its getting so frequent, common and bugging these days.

I remember that some years back we would be sure of what season would be in what months. Now the climate is rapping on us so badly that it can be summer, rains or winter anytime in the year. The new problem in Asian of brown clouds is causing lung infections at an alarming rate. Forget about people like me who have cold all year long due to low immunity, but strong people who rarely fell ill are getting fever and cold so frequently.

For sure nature is hitting us back now. But I still wonder the prophecy of the prophets who claim about the end of the world. If some of you might be aware even the Mayan calendar ends in 2012 or according to the Hindu scriptures, its the last era (Kalyug) on planet earth which talks about water taking over all land surface and starting a new life again. Whatever the case, we are talking about the end of the world, but is it really end of the world?

I dont feel that. Its end of something. In the world of parallel universes, string theories and still strong-going religious scriptures the end is not pointing at the end of the home we live in. Its not the end of nature that we take for granted. It might be the end of advanced species that act against the normal rule of nature and destroy the existence of so called primitive living beings on the planet.

Considering the fact of parallel universes this might be happening everyday in this huge universe on some planet. There might be a solar system getting destroyed and the birth of new one as well. The cosmic energy talks a lot about things that go beyond science or religions. We still question the existence or the reason for why we all are here. Though religion might answer somethings of how we should behave, logically speaking they still seem like manipulated books over the huge span of time, basically made to keep people in control. Maybe to make ourselves more organised and keeping hope in us alive with the existence of God.

Whether its god or just some energy that exists in all matter living or dead, it exists. If we concentrate on it, it makes changes happen. It can create miracles and it can create disasters. The power of thought that we may or may not speak does create an energy pattern or frequency that creates an effect on the whole system we live in. Not necessarily that effect will affect someone else's system. We all live in world that is made for us, but is connected like the internet. We work on different operating systems of different versions based on the evolvement of our souls. We think and work based on the applications installed in these system based on the work we did in this life or past life (if existing).

Till we believe that a change can happen only because of us, nothing will change. Till we don't believe that we dont need anyone else to help us, we wont be able to help those who feel helpless. Fortunately the new US president seems to be less of a terrorist and more like a president... He says 'Yes We Can!' . If he says that, he will make a change. And all those who say that will. But that change is again an individual definition. The structure smallest known particle in timeline will always be the same as the biggest known structure in the universe. Yesterdays imaginations become todays science.

I think today we have gone beyond the human evolution. We are much more capable in controlling our own and others lives. We need to understand it. My ID - TheFinalMiracle , actually was a title given to me by the people whom I healed or counseled in last 10 years. I eventually used this ID on the internet never knowing the confusions it would create. But I believe that I could counsel people, heal them or make changes in their life because they believed. I want everyone to believe, not in me but more in themselves. TheFinalMiracle in the which is not related to a mere photographer ID will always strive for that.

For the same I finally registered a domain after many years of requests from people. My site [link=http://www.thefinalmiracle.com]TheFinalMiracle[/link] will focus on an effort to help people believe that we are not humans anymore. We are something better, and we need to correct or DEBUG the mistakes that the humans made, for the future world. The site will eventually list many healers and counselors offering their services for free. A user in need can question the person of their choice for a certain problem. I am in the design phase of the site, hoping to launch it in working condition on the New Years Eve.

What do you all think about the idea? Would anyone with counseling and healing experience like to join?? There are no fees for that. Its a free site for counselors to display their profile. Visitors who want to question will always get their first reading free. Counselors/Healers who want to get paid for their services can ask for fees from the 2nd round of healing or counseling. For myself, I will be always doing it for free. I have never charged fees but took an offering whatever desired by the one healed or counseled. It can be a chocolate, cookies, anything with love :)

Driving Your Personality

2008-08-02T20:25:00.000+05:30

This blog is inspired by a recent incident that troubled me enough to think about these lessons that fuelled me to write it down –

1. A person’s personality can be judged by the way one drives the vehicle. - Anonymous
2. Driving is not a difficult task, even a circus bear can do that. The right driving is knowing how and when to change the gears or make adjustments understanding the timing, the situation and your vehicle status. – My Grandpa – Mahadeo Gangavane
3. Heart is just a blood vehicle, it’s the brain who drives it. – GODFATHER RETURNS.

Taking all the above lines together, you can surely reach to a conclusion that a simple thing like driving can be enhanced beautifully with intellect and some logic, but there is also a personality factor that plays a huge part in it. Its not just the intellect my grandpa talks about that makes a good driver. Take these examples –

1. A person driving perfectly who shifts the gears at the right time, doesn’t use breaks abruptly or speeds without a calculated risk. What happens when that person parks the vehicle. Does he park the vehicle well. Does he worry about the vehicle he parked? Was he supposed to move it somewhere else after a certain timing. Did the parking ticket time expire.

If not, he is a kind of person who handles only responsibilities of a problem that lie directly in front of him. One track mind which takes care of things as long as they are active in the moment. The person generally will be able to counsel people and solve their problems as long as they are in front of him. The priority of that person is not based on the problems that are put up in front of him, but mainly on who is in front of him at that moment. Get out of his sight and soon you and your problem will be out of his mind.

If the person did take care of the vehicle even after it was parked, taking care of other things, then that person is a good multi-tasker. He knows how to set priorities and solve them based on the urgency in time or the graveness of the problem. You and your problem will be on his mind even when he is at work or with his girlfriend. There won’t be anything you will need to do like calling up to ask whether he could find out some solution. Totally reliable.

There can be so many more examples like this that could go on and on. But with time and with many associations, I did understand that driving does actually reflect a person’s personality. And remember that driving isn’t just limited to driving the vehicle but infact his/her relation with the vehicle. A taxi driver once told me about people forgetting indicators after they turn. They said its just a habit that any person should have after starting a vehicle, running your fingers over all the important knobs and switches and check if they are all in the right position. Dust the major parts which are easily in our reach. How much time does it take? Hardly 5 minutes! But we pretend to be too busy to do that. We actually can always spare 5 minutes for a vehicle that takes us to places where we make our careers or someone else’s. They are worth a lot more attention that just driving them.

Before I end the blog, I will come a bit outside the ‘driving &personality’ issue. Though we have been taught since childhood about living things and dead things, I really have never accepted that. I always feel that things we consider as dead are actually things that are more lively inside. If you were a quiet*(check below) person I am, you would relate to a stone like I did. We make noises when trodded over or hit by another stone, we break but we keep watching silently of how people and time passes by and what happened then. In the same way vehicles after being assembled will be having their own identity and a mind of their own. Seems like imagination, but isn’t if we really start relating to things on the energy level, the vibration of the matter that makes them. Give it a try, even if you don’t talk to your vehicle, try to pamper it a bit. If not even that at least try to understand personalities of people whom you consider as living when they use their vehicles.

*PS – Don’t take the word quiet in the literal meaning. People find actually find me talkative but very few notice that I joke, I discuss my adventures, I discuss other people, their problems but very less times that I talk about my own future or my worries. I don’t ponder over past as sad things but as jokes, a life that I can live again(I really can). I was always quiet since childhood, but as I started growing up, I understood that people find it weird to find a person so quiet, and eventually find that person boring. What is the harm if what you talk make others laugh. After all that’s what makes people always wonder – “Did he crack a joke or did he mean something serious?” … Friends… I am always serious… maybe in a funny way!

The Truth Behind The Lies

2008-07-17T13:59:00.003+05:30

I am writing this blog because I am very nostalgic since a week. I had lost a friend some years back over an issue that might be bothering so many of us today. Most of the old-timers of my site will think that I gave importance to this blog for some past reasons, but its not true. I think this story of my friend is something that will apply to anyone and in any important relation. The story is about John and Kanchan (names changed to maintain privacy).

A lot before I understood love, I had this friend John. He was a very nice guy not very good looking but not bad looking either. Someone everyone would love but would not dare to be like. John was very much in love with Kanchan, a mutual love, never one way. It was like a made-for-each other situation where they met, fell in love and were happy... not for long. Due to religion difference (apparently kanchan was muslim), things went haywire to the point where kanchan was forced to marry someone else by her family. I never talked to her much though I used to meet her quite often. Don't know why though, never felt the need to develop even a good friendship with her, there was nothing to dislike about her... but still. The way things proceeded, it seemed like a tragic movie, and it did end up to be. John always used to talk about real love, unconditional love, he lived that and that is why it was easy to believe what he told. 2 weeks after her marriage kanchan committed suicide. She hung herself to a ceiling fan without a letter, no notes left behind.

As expected John's life came crashing down. The death really separated them worse than the marriage did. He was a believer of pastlife, afterdeath experiences and similar things. So still he used to believe and feel her with him. John was eventually married to another girl. The marriage was forced as well because John had decided not to marry. He knew he was already married to Kanchan, in lastlife and present. Maybe not a marriage for the society. John explained the situation to this lady he was going to get married now. She accepted him without a problem. She didn't believe much in past-life stuff or spiritual existance as much as he did. It was no big deal for her to accept him the way, with his love for kanchan... who did not exist for her. She was happy having John to herself with all the attachments that came alone as a package.

Since John was a person true to his heart and especially to people around him. He never lied to his family or his wife. She seemed to be happy with him, his friends & his family, till the time a villian entered. Her close friend was quite bewildered looking at the comfort between John and his wife. She couldn't understand how was her friend comfortable about her husband talking about Kanchan so many times. Maybe she understood or believed in the supernatural things that he did. But always in life, as history proves, one cunning person but negligible daasi like Manthara without whom the whole Ramayana cannot happen. Same happened here. Suddenly John's wife started getting uncomfortable about John's happiness with the thoughts of Kanchan, though she didn't believe about Kanchan's spiritual existance & she started thinking more about it day and night. As time passed, she started denouncing John's belief in such things as an alibi to keep Kanchan alive in his heart.

John, a person who was true to his wife and everyone he talked, to started curbing. Maybe dying inside. He stopped talking about Kanchan not just to his wife, but also with anyone else. Maybe he just talked to Kanchan in her spiritual form, the angels or the Gods he related to. Getting far away from his physical existance and the material world around him, he started falling upon himself with the huge pressure of the world he lived in, forcing his beliefs within himself. Like a star dying, which dies under its own mass and creating a new galaxy and a blackhole... some new world was about to be created with an ability to destroy it to. Kanchan was the air he breathed, everything that he needed to think about as a spirit, everything that gave his soul a direction. Without any interaction about his feelings with no one around he was suffocating in a world where everyone thought that he is at his best form. No one really knew and understood apart from few people, that the absence of Kanchan's topic in John's conversation was not a welcome sign for his new-gone-old marriage, but a very dangerous warning about a the time-bomb waiting to explode.

Life went on routine. He made his friends laugh and cry. In his usual way told serious things in the form of jokes that made everyone laugh and wonder at the same moment - What did he really mean? When he talked something very serious, about planning his life not caring about other people, it was too far beyond the imagination of his friends, who thought he has changed, who though that without Kanchan he lost his ability to be nice. He had become like everyone else. Earning money, planning future... making it secure. On one fine morning, he failed to respond to the wakeup calls of his wife, who had initially ignored this fact since she thought he was trying to avoid talking to her. It dawned to her and the family hours later by afternoon that he had slept last night... never to wake up. The news spread like wildfire. Some close friends weren't shocked. I was one of them. John used to call me everyday and talked atleast for 2 minutes. He used to say that hearing my voice made him feel better. All of us who were his close friends realised that the time-bomb was exploded. No one till date knows the reason of his death. It neither could be ruled out as a suicide nor could it be confirmed as a natural death. I called it - "The death of love, faith, beliefs......"

What went wrong in the entire story was that single friend who made his wife uncomfortable and ruin the whole love, faith and belief John had for her. Even today, if I ever come across that friend of hers, I won't slap her. But I will slap his wife no matter how many times she confronts me. She was a failure of John's comfort, a failure to her own commitment and a failure to a beautiful life called John. The very few friends of mine who know about my friendship with John might be remembering him only as that friend of mine who died in sleep. No one ever cared to analyze the story behind the whole game. I still feel John around and I hope John is around everyone when he tells not change in life, never your beliefs... no matter what happens. A life might be a small game in a lot of games we play in multiple lives, but our progress as a soul is very much dependent upon what we do about our beliefs when we live, more than what we can do after we are dead.

I request everyone not to make obvious connections from this story and do not even try to guess who was John. People who know him - just know him.. and people who don't can just forget this story remembering the moral.

I think it would have been better for John to stay limited to his friends while talking about Kanchan. He could have just avoided telling the whole story to his wife or if he wanted her to know his past, he could have avoided the conversations that followed later. The spirit of bad luck doesn't come with a specified time. It strikes with an opportunity. Our fate shows that point of strike where our suffering starts, but the actual strike never happens when our astrological chart or fate lines tell but much more before that. The bad-luck strikes like a predator just lurking around watching its prey, hitting at the right time, that right time which is not the bad time in our fate but good time in the fate of our enemies. Not talking about Kanchan to his wife wouldn't have been lies as well, because that lies existed in the spiritual world, far beyond the perception of his wife. In real life, the truth was that Kanchan was dead. John was married to some other woman but was always a loving and caring husband. All was beautifully set and done from his side. Eventually, what his wife thought of the Kanchan bug whom she was tactically trying to fumigate out of his system, infact, fumigated her own husband from her life and from the lives of so many people he knew.

There would be many more John's around who might get to read this and then might not. Maybe it can be the other-way round for some. Please dont change your faith, your beliefs.... especially when they have something to do with past-life experiences. Keep praying to the God you believe in and keep believing even if others dont. Don't wait for the next life to make things happen your way. What we strive for, might not happen the way we want it to, but it happens and will always happen in a certain way if you are patient and true to all your love and care about.

While ending this blog, I won't say - "May John's soul rest in peace". I know it won't.... it won't till he meets Kanchan again, in real life! If he is still around, it means he still hasn't found her.

When a Good Intention turns into a GAME!??!?!?

2008-07-09T13:46:00.000+05:30

I am many often asked by people I counsel. How come I am so different?? Why am I so sensible?? Why couldn't someone else come up with the solution or idea I did?? Even putting this here might convince some people that I am bragging too much, I feel so at times too, but its not the intention. My answers to those question and today remains that I am no different, we all are than the earlier generation. I think human species is a thing that used to happen 30 years back. We have evolved, we are different but still carry with us the humans pros and cons just like humans carried with them something from the monkeys, the evolution goes on. What makes me APPEAR wiser is not my wisdom (its something I usually never let out with someone I counsel but yes friends can confirm I am wise), what makes it seem so different might be a fact that I learn from others experiences more and less of my own. 'Less of my own' doesn't imply that I am ignoring my experiences, but then I interact so much with people that there is hardly anything happening in my life that is a surprise, its like this was already expected right??? How was it expected.... similar things have happened before with some people... club them together analyse them well... try to mix n' match the characters and the situation to your own... EUREKA!! Everything is so predictable.... Everything!! but me!!

I never get tired knowing what people go through, and incase they haven't come just to talk but seek some advice then its more exciting for me. Exciting not because I was given importance, exciting because there is one more chance to apply a strategy that won't fail unless some other advice ponders with it. What does that mean? Simple. As always whenever I advice/counsel someone, regardless of whether its a practical solution or a spiritual healing, I always tell them not to be open to someone else's advice or healing at the same time. A normal reaction or judgement of people - EGO. No its not. I never tell anyone not to trust a certain person for advice. I believe that when a perfect solution is needed only one light should be followed, otherwise MAYA makes it worse. One of my high recommendations which again is judged as EGO is, "Try everyone and everything else and then come to me." This is obviously not to ensure that only I can solve a problem, it is just a security measure for myself to know that this person will follow my instructions properly after facing so many failure or just turn me down. There wont be something halfdone which results in a failure. Take this paragraph as the POINT 1 for the topic of todays blog.

Moving ahead...

Not just me, but many of us are always advising or counseling someone. As far as you are not charging a fee (I don't), I don't think there would be any intention of helping someone we care for, apart from EGO again. But when you are counseling as your duty or a worship towards your god like I do, there is no ego. You are doing a job. They payment comes after you die or maybe while you are alive, but by god. I act as an employee or a service provider and not as the manufacturer or owner. Yes there was a time especially in teenage years when I used to feel important or proud for doing this. But that is an age. An age where everyone is growing, maturing and coping up with the new aspects of life with over-confidence.

Point 2 : In those teen years I was often victimized as well as glorified. Both the things mostly used to happen for things I have never done. In those days my drawback was selfishness and attention seeking attitude. Both which had evolved due to my insecure childhood. The biggest mistakes of my life which I consider forgivable in those times was selfishness with anyone whom I considered my own or a stranger. An opportunist without ethics (Thats actually a way to huge success if it comes with a small baggage of gratitude). But looking back, I do consider that a reason for the existence of people who hate me today. That was something I did consciously, and analysing later I realised that they had a reason to do so. Seeking attention all the time was also a problem. The unworthy glorification and allegations helped me more to do that. On one side, I was gathering so much of a collection of friends, acquaintances, power contacts (take it the GODFATHER WAY), and also people who got scared of me because of the unknown capability known to myself and them, which was considered at that time that I can JINX anyone. In all that mess, attention seeking and selfishness just added more fuel to the allegations and the glory side didn't diminish, but shone in a wrong way. Like, calling a water pistol as a pistol with plastic pellets, even if not a gun. Judging... till we do that without being asked by the victim himself/herself, will always make a wrong move for our own growth.

POINT 3 : In a bad phase, a panicky situation, people tend to become more emotional. Run helter skelter looking for a shelter... wow that rhymed...! But they dont understand that they approach anyone possible to solve their problem. They will go out to the best and to the worst. They will also go and pay all astrologers, palmists, psychics, and what not if they believe in all that, or otherwise end up with psychological counsellors. Wow.. I was taken to one in my childhood when I used to talk about my visions at night, which where then considered as dreams. The psychologists analysis as usual - A sign of insecurity when a child dreams something like this. They think that its a hard and fast rule or a book with a set of rules which categorizes a person of certain age with the same syndrome. How can it be? These guys hardly keep up with the latest facts, using books and their younger studies which are a decade old now, they are diagnosing and judging a human mind and brain which is much more evolved!! Nevertheless, their medications do work because all they do is control the blood pressure or neural activity of the certain part of our brain. Surely enough, I believe that science helps a lot in simple things about life and very complicated things about man-made marvels.

POINT 4 : As mentioned in 3, we end up advising someone with nothing but a good intention of their well-being. Time passes by, and good times dawn the person whom we advised. With a good mood and no other worries to bother the poor tortured brain, there is a lot more activity to do. The most dangerous, discussion and analysis of the past with someone else. Tell but don't discuss unless its someone very close and there should be only 2-3 people this. You will understand the reason why in the next few lines.

Take for example here -

You advice a cousin on his/her problem. Worked well, time has passed and now the cousin is sitting with a uncle of yours who doesn't like you, but they both share a comfortable relation. Now finally this uncle whose advices have failed, or maybe he never cared to advice, tells this cousin that if you would have done this way instead of what was advised by him(you), things would have turned out much better. A normal tendency that we see around everyday in our life. But on a large scale it has a huge and very bad impact. The uncle as well as your cousin discuss the same thing and view with more people. Added up is a group of people who vouch for you or put you down. Over time, a new trouble brews up where there is hardly any feeling you have to dive in the new problem and help again after all the TRIAL you went through the last time. Though acquitted and your image is clean now, you do know the backbitching that goes about even now. You think do you still want to help? Afterall he's your cousin, someone you love and care for. But here is the place where we go wrong. We take for granted that the cousin who came to you for advice the last time will come to you again, but after what all has happened that fact has to be untrue. We still at times act stupidly and go ahead to do the good thing (mind it... only we consider it good).

POINT 4 : Eventually, with no need of your advices or even you being around, that relation has ended up just being a formality. The worst allegation that does come up in this case is when the cousin and the people around will say that, 'he/she(you) had some unseen plan of your own / wanted to get more importance in family or friends / and a lot more unimaginable reasons'. Some shameless person might even try to come and ask you trying to investigate, promising that it will remain a secret. Fortunately, all this has happened with me in those teenage years. The years when I met few best people in my life and a lot more worse. Now I meet people and get more of the best lot that the worst because of this understanding. We normally try to do advice or help with a good intention. That good intention comes out of love or care for a person.. an emotion.. .driven by heart. What the heart says is very important, but in cases where you are not really very close to the person (like the only 2-3 in your life like I mentioned above), you should always use the brain. A Sequel book of Godfather has a line - "The heart was just a bloody motor. The head was meant to drive".

Till I reached an understanding from the above experiences and many other of my own and others, it wasn't too late. I was just 22 by then. I had lost many good friends and bad as well. I feel fortunate for loosing them, not trying to be optimistic, but people who misunderstand and cannot bear along for a long time through your growth shouldn't be trusted. Maybe I gave them a reason to hate me, I am to blame, I take the blame. Though loosing any kind of person from life is a loss, I feel fortunate for those friends I lost for such reasons, they wouldn't have been of any use for anyone anyway. A further analysis always showed that they were the run-of-the-mill people who hardly did anything different in life. Their mindset would never come out of the material world they live in, a routine of 9 - 5, a party on weekend, etc. Hard Punches in my face, spiritual conscience, a good logic, a cold and speedy analysis of myself always kept me busy and helped me stay away from judging anyone else.

Whatever happens in our life is due to us, its our fault or virtue. We have no right to judge or advice anyone about anything unless they seek it. Even today I have seen the views of many people close to me where they considered my intentions as some part of a PLAN, a GAME, fortunately none of my friends are a part of those. These people are either my relatives or some acquaintances whose presence or absence in life doesn't bother me as much as when - My good intention is considered as a Game!

Important People in Life?

2008-06-18T21:56:00.005+05:30

Ever tried to define a criteria for the most important people in life?

If yes... could you list any?

For me it has always been about love, love n' love. Many times I have mentioned to people that even if love is the only thing that makes the world go around, it is also one of the selfish emotions we share. Love lives on the basic foundation of the fact that 'the feeling that we love a person' is making is feel happy. We are in short looking for our happiness everywhere.

Then comes kindness, compassion & care all categorized with a term unconditional.

For me the most important people in life have been those who have been logically kind and unconditionally supportive. The relation or the amount of love they have given me hardly matter. This maybe a lesson that I have learnt from my last life as well my upbringing and understanding of the relations in the world here. And it always made a huge impact on me all my life. Thankfully all that ended up making me feel dependent on all the system for my survival but independent of an individual. That doesn't mean I never expect that to happen. I still search for people who would be enlisted in the list of people I trust, people who have been logically kind to everyone they know and unconditionally supportive for me.

Let me start with some basic factors. I have never hated my parents but could never develop a trustworthy relation with them because I always saw their behavior with me or anyone else they love or respect. My mother has been to moral and ethical while my father has always been involved in his own desires and image. My mother can never hesitate to oppose me if I am wrong and will stand from enemy lines firing at me, no she still loves me. Call it her ideal.... 'Mother India' kinda. This problem always made me understand that when I am wrong, she is not going to cover up my fault and stand with me though she might still stand with me having accepted my mistake and uncovering it to the world. Thats not it! As a child it made me insecure and helped me cope a lot as an adult. I finally realised its all ethics & morals. She is a good person but a bad mother. In my definition, I dont want a mother who treats everyone coming to her like a child like a mother, then whats the use of having a mother of my own? Doesn't make much of a difference, because if my mother is going to stand against me treating my rivals like her own children I feel like a motherless child. Yes there is a motherlike figure with me who still supports me and loves me as a mother. Should I blindly trust this relation just because 'blood is thicker than water?'

My dad, never been a help and never been a problem if ignored. I dont hate him. But I hate him whenever I try to communicate with him. Its not possible. He himself accepts that he doesn't know many things yet he he will feel that he is the best judge of any situation. For me he always remained as my mothers puppet who did what she told. So his support has been entirely based on what stand my mother has taken. So needless to say its all f*****ed up. Otherwise in their general parental duties they have never failed. I don't hate them. I respect them for what I am today even for these experiences they have given me. But that made me more strength to remain detached from the world.

I came across many people otherwise who lent me unconditional support in all forms. Though they would show me my mistakes or argue with me, it will be in personal conversations. There were 2 friends and they still are my friends just have distanced after I married who will still stand by me till death. Because they know me. One more example was my uncle. He never used to put me down in front of public. Never tried to prove anyone else or himself right no matter what the situation. If he had a difference of opinion he used to discuss that one - one. No one else involved. He handled things effeciently and didn't allow me to sulk for silly reasons. The reason I always said he was my last attachment that no longer exists is because I was a child that grew with him with trust, belief and a true experience that proved what he told me "Dont waste your time and energy in fighting for your small demands. IF someone is not favoring you or giving you something even your parents dont worry. Tell me. I'll provide you with that if you prove to me that its essential". His commitment to me expanded from general things like having a milkshake to helping me win my love. He trusted me in and my love... never let me down.

Even in his last days, last moments he died with the belief that I married the girl I love, which I never tried to fight. I wanted to confuse the heavenly system up there with the hellish situations they put him into. Believe me but everything has a link, an attachment, a communication channel with the heavens or higher systems up there that control or govern us. The network is based on things like life and death and many times on evolved people who meditate or can communicate on a higher level. And I believe that my whole life in future will be a bit in a wobbly mode from the sub-governing energies up there. I will have a stronger threshold with the supreme power and myself, giving me more control.. more of LIVING.

Today another experience with my own parents and other important family members over a silly issue rattled me and revoked my past. No matter what you do for parents, no matter what you do for friends... no matter what you do for strangers. Even if you have given up your real life for them, they will still act diplomatic in situations where they see I am being put down and they dont want to be on my side or the other just because they want to be good in both the books.

After a long long time I remembered the most important people in my life and realized the importance of starting that hunt again. I am yet alone.... yet trapped in people who are living with a diplomacy forgetting what I did for them in life... forgetting what I taught them in life... forgetting what is it that makes everyone trust me and my opinions so blindly.

They forgot that I call my people... MY people. I stand by them even when they are wrong, I argue with them privately. They forgot that real unconditional support is of giving up everything you have because it might help someone else get everything they wanted. But time has made me realize. I failed again.

To see that I dont get disillusioned again, thinking that I am in reliable people & being supported by their power, I designed and put a wallpaper on my desktop that says, "F$$K you Nikhil Gangavane. You are a looser... lost again being kind!" This will always remind me that I have to bring back the right supports, right people who I can live with. But this doesn't mean I have lost faith in my kindness and intentions. I will always support people I love, like my uncle did. Keeping real life alive in me and all those who trust me.

Free days are over!

2008-06-14T17:45:00.005+05:30

Wow. What a hectic time and it whizzed by so fast!!!

Before wifeyz left for 10 days camp, I had so many plans to just let-go and enjoy life totally but I didn't do anything as planned. Infact the better happened. I have been restructuring... reorganizing myself. My room had been a mess. There wasn't a place to sit or walk except my carpet. Since wifeyz coming tomorrow I just raked up everything and atleast making it appear clean though I have not really cleaned my wardrobe and books cupboard yet.

10 days didn't really go enjoyable as planned. Partied 4 times but it hardly matters. Its just a reason to jam up with friends and let loose. With my PR in flow again, music is getting jiggier and waiting for my new camera which is expected at month end. By the way I hope most of you might have read the article in Pune Mirror which had really stupid mistakes. They dont have the common sense that VishalG cannot be a website domain for a person whose name is Nikhil. not to mention that they didn't print anything about the Shammi Kapoor fanclub and spiritual counseling/healing stuff. All they have printed is Michael JAckson. And even when I had clearly mentioned that I perform MJ but am not an impersonator, they printed the opposite. Next time I will be more specific with the media.

You guys should really watch me now. Great music... great photography both are coming up starting july. Though music stuff will be on sale online and off by year end. I am also gearing up for the proper launch my my music label. Trying to collabrate with some artists. We will soon be launching albums from different genre. I dont know what what my role will be in it apart from a producer. The restructuring also includes restructuring of my company which might rope in a director and setup liasons abroad.

Though july does mark a happening month remember it will have its negative side as well. I can't actually put all that up here, but as I go on posting in here you will understand what I am saying today. Its too much happening of a time. It excites me. Finally feeling that I will really be back living life again. Its been such a dull time lately. I have become very disciplined with my classes routine as well. $$$$ is never enough. Need to pull in a lot this time.

Another thing to come up with SLR is that I will be taking makeup training for my shoots. So that I can make my models look more beautiful. Since SLR will mark the beginning of my glamor shooting, I will be hiring studios quite often or setting up a makeshift one at home on the ground floor. Will taking serious models for TFCD basis or amateurs who just want their porfolios done. IT will mean the same to me. but I am seriously shifting to glamor and concept.

The rains are making my life feel like heaven. This year no asthma, so I can breathe free. I think apart from Rupali's breakfast, drinks are also an added advantage. Though none will agree directly with me to discourage me from drinking, but its a medically proven fact. Strangely, in last 10 days, I didn't drink to enjoy drink but to enjoy friends. I realized that I am happy actually drinking when Rupali is around because I talk a lot with her like we did when we were friends. Yes, I dont say that its all happy talk, we fight too.... but then I talk. But now that all has already been told I wonder what I will talk after a peg?!?!?! With things around the corner waiting to happen and change my life crucially, I wont be surprised if I stop drinking and be like I was 3 years back. But it requires a special entity to be active in my life, which right now is in hibernation mode.

But Finally Waking up!!!!

9.... 7... 5 ..3.. 1.... We've a Liftoff ! 1. 3... 5..... 7....... 9.........

2008-06-09T01:09:00.000+05:30

Hi My Friends & Enemies!!

Yes I am back! And you will surely confirm me being myself from the specific greeting for my enemies too. I don't know why it took me so long to accept your requests for starting up the diary on my website again. I remember exactly 10 years ago I started my website and my life was a open book. Later some personal issues especially related to "The Girl I Love" section of the website screwed up things royally for me. But better late than never. After a break of good 8 years I have finally landed up with the bloggers.

I made one decision though. I wouldn't host the diary like I did on my personal website. Things have changed. That time I was alone and with my love. I am still with my love, you wouldn't believe if I said I don't but my professional & personal life has changed on levels. I completed my graduation in computer engineering in 2000 and decided that I wont do any business or job in the field and do music like I wished since childhood. Struggled & strugged, the love story still remains in the same broken state and it got mended on a huge extent but can never reach the dream we wished for. I am married to my wife who is a singer, who knows the story but my commitment and love for my wife is strong. True my inspiration and my love lies unshattered and will always be the primary mission of my soul, it has nothing to do with the relations we define as the best in life. Got married in 2005, my wife is also a singer. We face situations like the movie 'Abhiman' but more complicated and less related to our singing career. Eventually 2005 yearend also marked the start of my photography career. I am a contributor in the microstock Industry and today happen to be No.1 Contributor from India. Check one of my agency links here - http://www.dreamstime.com/resp212561

Eventually, after marriage it has been a rollercoaster ride for me. Not up... not down but lost. I have been going dizzy. I simply can't relate to the formalities. Since childhood I related to no one when it came to formality and hence never had any deep relation with any of my relatives except my grandparents, aunts and my aunts husband. Mom ofcourse was always there, but like I put it, she is not just my mom she is the mom of all that come to her calling her mother. So its a huge void. Remember my uncle who was my idol, like my father, the one who helped me with everything (I had his photo too posted on "My Idols" page), he left us on 22nd April 2008 after a long battle with Hairy Cell Leukemia (Blood Cancer) . With the only strong attachment gone my dizzy ride after marriage ended up throwing me off the rollercoaster... crashing me down on the ground. I got wounded, badly bruised, all alone but not lonely. I feel happy for those wounds because those wounds get me new skin... more durable. I wish mind & heart both had a regenerating skin like this one. :)

Can't post today. I am going on and on like crazy. I was planning to post the blogs related to life or spirituality from another account to avoid confusion with my personal life and sharing people's experiences without mentioning their real names. Give me some time to think on this one. I first have to get my website right, blog more regularly here and then I can decide what to do.

By the way also visit the new sites I have started -

www.clubmj.com - The Official Indian Michael Jackson Fanclub
www.shammikapoor.net - The Official Shammi Kapoor Fanclub

YES GUYS! They are official, don't make me explain here... the sites will. Till my next blog... CHOW! Don't forget to mail me incase you hate to leave publicly visible comments here ;)