Monday, November 17, 2008

End of World or Advanced Humans?


I dunno why I am writing a blog that sounds so silly after this topic is being blurted over the media again and again. 'End of the World', Pollution, Health Hazards, etc. Its getting so frequent, common and bugging these days.

I remember that some years back we would be sure of what season would be in what months. Now the climate is rapping on us so badly that it can be summer, rains or winter anytime in the year. The new problem in Asian of brown clouds is causing lung infections at an alarming rate. Forget about people like me who have cold all year long due to low immunity, but strong people who rarely fell ill are getting fever and cold so frequently.

For sure nature is hitting us back now. But I still wonder the prophecy of the prophets who claim about the end of the world. If some of you might be aware even the Mayan calendar ends in 2012 or according to the Hindu scriptures, its the last era (Kalyug) on planet earth which talks about water taking over all land surface and starting a new life again. Whatever the case, we are talking about the end of the world, but is it really end of the world?

I dont feel that. Its end of something. In the world of parallel universes, string theories and still strong-going religious scriptures the end is not pointing at the end of the home we live in. Its not the end of nature that we take for granted. It might be the end of advanced species that act against the normal rule of nature and destroy the existence of so called primitive living beings on the planet.

Considering the fact of parallel universes this might be happening everyday in this huge universe on some planet. There might be a solar system getting destroyed and the birth of new one as well. The cosmic energy talks a lot about things that go beyond science or religions. We still question the existence or the reason for why we all are here. Though religion might answer somethings of how we should behave, logically speaking they still seem like manipulated books over the huge span of time, basically made to keep people in control. Maybe to make ourselves more organised and keeping hope in us alive with the existence of God.

Whether its god or just some energy that exists in all matter living or dead, it exists. If we concentrate on it, it makes changes happen. It can create miracles and it can create disasters. The power of thought that we may or may not speak does create an energy pattern or frequency that creates an effect on the whole system we live in. Not necessarily that effect will affect someone else's system. We all live in world that is made for us, but is connected like the internet. We work on different operating systems of different versions based on the evolvement of our souls. We think and work based on the applications installed in these system based on the work we did in this life or past life (if existing).

Till we believe that a change can happen only because of us, nothing will change. Till we don't believe that we dont need anyone else to help us, we wont be able to help those who feel helpless. Fortunately the new US president seems to be less of a terrorist and more like a president... He says 'Yes We Can!' . If he says that, he will make a change. And all those who say that will. But that change is again an individual definition. The structure smallest known particle in timeline will always be the same as the biggest known structure in the universe. Yesterdays imaginations become todays science.

I think today we have gone beyond the human evolution. We are much more capable in controlling our own and others lives. We need to understand it. My ID - TheFinalMiracle , actually was a title given to me by the people whom I healed or counseled in last 10 years. I eventually used this ID on the internet never knowing the confusions it would create. But I believe that I could counsel people, heal them or make changes in their life because they believed. I want everyone to believe, not in me but more in themselves. TheFinalMiracle in the which is not related to a mere photographer ID will always strive for that.

For the same I finally registered a domain after many years of requests from people. My site [link=http://www.thefinalmiracle.com]TheFinalMiracle[/link] will focus on an effort to help people believe that we are not humans anymore. We are something better, and we need to correct or DEBUG the mistakes that the humans made, for the future world. The site will eventually list many healers and counselors offering their services for free. A user in need can question the person of their choice for a certain problem. I am in the design phase of the site, hoping to launch it in working condition on the New Years Eve.

What do you all think about the idea? Would anyone with counseling and healing experience like to join?? There are no fees for that. Its a free site for counselors to display their profile. Visitors who want to question will always get their first reading free. Counselors/Healers who want to get paid for their services can ask for fees from the 2nd round of healing or counseling. For myself, I will be always doing it for free. I have never charged fees but took an offering whatever desired by the one healed or counseled. It can be a chocolate, cookies, anything with love :)

Saturday, August 2, 2008

Driving Your Personality

This blog is inspired by a recent incident that troubled me enough to think about these lessons that fuelled me to write it down –

1. A person’s personality can be judged by the way one drives the vehicle. - Anonymous
2. Driving is not a difficult task, even a circus bear can do that. The right driving is knowing how and when to change the gears or make adjustments understanding the timing, the situation and your vehicle status. – My Grandpa – Mahadeo Gangavane
3. Heart is just a blood vehicle, it’s the brain who drives it. – GODFATHER RETURNS.

Taking all the above lines together, you can surely reach to a conclusion that a simple thing like driving can be enhanced beautifully with intellect and some logic, but there is also a personality factor that plays a huge part in it. Its not just the intellect my grandpa talks about that makes a good driver. Take these examples –

1. A person driving perfectly who shifts the gears at the right time, doesn’t use breaks abruptly or speeds without a calculated risk. What happens when that person parks the vehicle. Does he park the vehicle well. Does he worry about the vehicle he parked? Was he supposed to move it somewhere else after a certain timing. Did the parking ticket time expire.

If not, he is a kind of person who handles only responsibilities of a problem that lie directly in front of him. One track mind which takes care of things as long as they are active in the moment. The person generally will be able to counsel people and solve their problems as long as they are in front of him. The priority of that person is not based on the problems that are put up in front of him, but mainly on who is in front of him at that moment. Get out of his sight and soon you and your problem will be out of his mind.

If the person did take care of the vehicle even after it was parked, taking care of other things, then that person is a good multi-tasker. He knows how to set priorities and solve them based on the urgency in time or the graveness of the problem. You and your problem will be on his mind even when he is at work or with his girlfriend. There won’t be anything you will need to do like calling up to ask whether he could find out some solution. Totally reliable.

There can be so many more examples like this that could go on and on. But with time and with many associations, I did understand that driving does actually reflect a person’s personality. And remember that driving isn’t just limited to driving the vehicle but infact his/her relation with the vehicle. A taxi driver once told me about people forgetting indicators after they turn. They said its just a habit that any person should have after starting a vehicle, running your fingers over all the important knobs and switches and check if they are all in the right position. Dust the major parts which are easily in our reach. How much time does it take? Hardly 5 minutes! But we pretend to be too busy to do that. We actually can always spare 5 minutes for a vehicle that takes us to places where we make our careers or someone else’s. They are worth a lot more attention that just driving them.

Before I end the blog, I will come a bit outside the ‘driving &personality’ issue. Though we have been taught since childhood about living things and dead things, I really have never accepted that. I always feel that things we consider as dead are actually things that are more lively inside. If you were a quiet*(check below) person I am, you would relate to a stone like I did. We make noises when trodded over or hit by another stone, we break but we keep watching silently of how people and time passes by and what happened then. In the same way vehicles after being assembled will be having their own identity and a mind of their own. Seems like imagination, but isn’t if we really start relating to things on the energy level, the vibration of the matter that makes them. Give it a try, even if you don’t talk to your vehicle, try to pamper it a bit. If not even that at least try to understand personalities of people whom you consider as living when they use their vehicles.

*PS – Don’t take the word quiet in the literal meaning. People find actually find me talkative but very few notice that I joke, I discuss my adventures, I discuss other people, their problems but very less times that I talk about my own future or my worries. I don’t ponder over past as sad things but as jokes, a life that I can live again(I really can). I was always quiet since childhood, but as I started growing up, I understood that people find it weird to find a person so quiet, and eventually find that person boring. What is the harm if what you talk make others laugh. After all that’s what makes people always wonder – “Did he crack a joke or did he mean something serious?” … Friends… I am always serious… maybe in a funny way!

Thursday, July 17, 2008

The Truth Behind The Lies

I am writing this blog because I am very nostalgic since a week. I had lost a friend some years back over an issue that might be bothering so many of us today. Most of the old-timers of my site will think that I gave importance to this blog for some past reasons, but its not true. I think this story of my friend is something that will apply to anyone and in any important relation. The story is about John and Kanchan (names changed to maintain privacy).

A lot before I understood love, I had this friend John. He was a very nice guy not very good looking but not bad looking either. Someone everyone would love but would not dare to be like. John was very much in love with Kanchan, a mutual love, never one way. It was like a made-for-each other situation where they met, fell in love and were happy... not for long. Due to religion difference (apparently kanchan was muslim), things went haywire to the point where kanchan was forced to marry someone else by her family. I never talked to her much though I used to meet her quite often. Don't know why though, never felt the need to develop even a good friendship with her, there was nothing to dislike about her... but still. The way things proceeded, it seemed like a tragic movie, and it did end up to be. John always used to talk about real love, unconditional love, he lived that and that is why it was easy to believe what he told. 2 weeks after her marriage kanchan committed suicide. She hung herself to a ceiling fan without a letter, no notes left behind.

As expected John's life came crashing down. The death really separated them worse than the marriage did. He was a believer of pastlife, afterdeath experiences and similar things. So still he used to believe and feel her with him. John was eventually married to another girl. The marriage was forced as well because John had decided not to marry. He knew he was already married to Kanchan, in lastlife and present. Maybe not a marriage for the society. John explained the situation to this lady he was going to get married now. She accepted him without a problem. She didn't believe much in past-life stuff or spiritual existance as much as he did. It was no big deal for her to accept him the way, with his love for kanchan... who did not exist for her. She was happy having John to herself with all the attachments that came alone as a package.

Since John was a person true to his heart and especially to people around him. He never lied to his family or his wife. She seemed to be happy with him, his friends & his family, till the time a villian entered. Her close friend was quite bewildered looking at the comfort between John and his wife. She couldn't understand how was her friend comfortable about her husband talking about Kanchan so many times. Maybe she understood or believed in the supernatural things that he did. But always in life, as history proves, one cunning person but negligible daasi like Manthara without whom the whole Ramayana cannot happen. Same happened here. Suddenly John's wife started getting uncomfortable about John's happiness with the thoughts of Kanchan, though she didn't believe about Kanchan's spiritual existance & she started thinking more about it day and night. As time passed, she started denouncing John's belief in such things as an alibi to keep Kanchan alive in his heart.

John, a person who was true to his wife and everyone he talked, to started curbing. Maybe dying inside. He stopped talking about Kanchan not just to his wife, but also with anyone else. Maybe he just talked to Kanchan in her spiritual form, the angels or the Gods he related to. Getting far away from his physical existance and the material world around him, he started falling upon himself with the huge pressure of the world he lived in, forcing his beliefs within himself. Like a star dying, which dies under its own mass and creating a new galaxy and a blackhole... some new world was about to be created with an ability to destroy it to. Kanchan was the air he breathed, everything that he needed to think about as a spirit, everything that gave his soul a direction. Without any interaction about his feelings with no one around he was suffocating in a world where everyone thought that he is at his best form. No one really knew and understood apart from few people, that the absence of Kanchan's topic in John's conversation was not a welcome sign for his new-gone-old marriage, but a very dangerous warning about a the time-bomb waiting to explode.

Life went on routine. He made his friends laugh and cry. In his usual way told serious things in the form of jokes that made everyone laugh and wonder at the same moment - What did he really mean? When he talked something very serious, about planning his life not caring about other people, it was too far beyond the imagination of his friends, who thought he has changed, who though that without Kanchan he lost his ability to be nice. He had become like everyone else. Earning money, planning future... making it secure. On one fine morning, he failed to respond to the wakeup calls of his wife, who had initially ignored this fact since she thought he was trying to avoid talking to her. It dawned to her and the family hours later by afternoon that he had slept last night... never to wake up. The news spread like wildfire. Some close friends weren't shocked. I was one of them. John used to call me everyday and talked atleast for 2 minutes. He used to say that hearing my voice made him feel better. All of us who were his close friends realised that the time-bomb was exploded. No one till date knows the reason of his death. It neither could be ruled out as a suicide nor could it be confirmed as a natural death. I called it - "The death of love, faith, beliefs......"

What went wrong in the entire story was that single friend who made his wife uncomfortable and ruin the whole love, faith and belief John had for her. Even today, if I ever come across that friend of hers, I won't slap her. But I will slap his wife no matter how many times she confronts me. She was a failure of John's comfort, a failure to her own commitment and a failure to a beautiful life called John. The very few friends of mine who know about my friendship with John might be remembering him only as that friend of mine who died in sleep. No one ever cared to analyze the story behind the whole game. I still feel John around and I hope John is around everyone when he tells not change in life, never your beliefs... no matter what happens. A life might be a small game in a lot of games we play in multiple lives, but our progress as a soul is very much dependent upon what we do about our beliefs when we live, more than what we can do after we are dead.

I request everyone not to make obvious connections from this story and do not even try to guess who was John. People who know him - just know him.. and people who don't can just forget this story remembering the moral.

I think it would have been better for John to stay limited to his friends while talking about Kanchan. He could have just avoided telling the whole story to his wife or if he wanted her to know his past, he could have avoided the conversations that followed later. The spirit of bad luck doesn't come with a specified time. It strikes with an opportunity. Our fate shows that point of strike where our suffering starts, but the actual strike never happens when our astrological chart or fate lines tell but much more before that. The bad-luck strikes like a predator just lurking around watching its prey, hitting at the right time, that right time which is not the bad time in our fate but good time in the fate of our enemies. Not talking about Kanchan to his wife wouldn't have been lies as well, because that lies existed in the spiritual world, far beyond the perception of his wife. In real life, the truth was that Kanchan was dead. John was married to some other woman but was always a loving and caring husband. All was beautifully set and done from his side. Eventually, what his wife thought of the Kanchan bug whom she was tactically trying to fumigate out of his system, infact, fumigated her own husband from her life and from the lives of so many people he knew.

There would be many more John's around who might get to read this and then might not. Maybe it can be the other-way round for some. Please dont change your faith, your beliefs.... especially when they have something to do with past-life experiences. Keep praying to the God you believe in and keep believing even if others dont. Don't wait for the next life to make things happen your way. What we strive for, might not happen the way we want it to, but it happens and will always happen in a certain way if you are patient and true to all your love and care about.

While ending this blog, I won't say - "May John's soul rest in peace". I know it won't.... it won't till he meets Kanchan again, in real life! If he is still around, it means he still hasn't found her.

Wednesday, July 9, 2008

When a Good Intention turns into a GAME!??!?!?

I am many often asked by people I counsel. How come I am so different?? Why am I so sensible?? Why couldn't someone else come up with the solution or idea I did?? Even putting this here might convince some people that I am bragging too much, I feel so at times too, but its not the intention. My answers to those question and today remains that I am no different, we all are than the earlier generation. I think human species is a thing that used to happen 30 years back. We have evolved, we are different but still carry with us the humans pros and cons just like humans carried with them something from the monkeys, the evolution goes on. What makes me APPEAR wiser is not my wisdom (its something I usually never let out with someone I counsel but yes friends can confirm I am wise), what makes it seem so different might be a fact that I learn from others experiences more and less of my own. 'Less of my own' doesn't imply that I am ignoring my experiences, but then I interact so much with people that there is hardly anything happening in my life that is a surprise, its like this was already expected right??? How was it expected.... similar things have happened before with some people... club them together analyse them well... try to mix n' match the characters and the situation to your own... EUREKA!! Everything is so predictable.... Everything!! but me!!

I never get tired knowing what people go through, and incase they haven't come just to talk but seek some advice then its more exciting for me. Exciting not because I was given importance, exciting because there is one more chance to apply a strategy that won't fail unless some other advice ponders with it. What does that mean? Simple. As always whenever I advice/counsel someone, regardless of whether its a practical solution or a spiritual healing, I always tell them not to be open to someone else's advice or healing at the same time. A normal reaction or judgement of people - EGO. No its not. I never tell anyone not to trust a certain person for advice. I believe that when a perfect solution is needed only one light should be followed, otherwise MAYA makes it worse. One of my high recommendations which again is judged as EGO is, "Try everyone and everything else and then come to me." This is obviously not to ensure that only I can solve a problem, it is just a security measure for myself to know that this person will follow my instructions properly after facing so many failure or just turn me down. There wont be something halfdone which results in a failure. Take this paragraph as the POINT 1 for the topic of todays blog.

Moving ahead...

Not just me, but many of us are always advising or counseling someone. As far as you are not charging a fee (I don't), I don't think there would be any intention of helping someone we care for, apart from EGO again. But when you are counseling as your duty or a worship towards your god like I do, there is no ego. You are doing a job. They payment comes after you die or maybe while you are alive, but by god. I act as an employee or a service provider and not as the manufacturer or owner. Yes there was a time especially in teenage years when I used to feel important or proud for doing this. But that is an age. An age where everyone is growing, maturing and coping up with the new aspects of life with over-confidence.

Point 2 : In those teen years I was often victimized as well as glorified. Both the things mostly used to happen for things I have never done. In those days my drawback was selfishness and attention seeking attitude. Both which had evolved due to my insecure childhood. The biggest mistakes of my life which I consider forgivable in those times was selfishness with anyone whom I considered my own or a stranger. An opportunist without ethics (Thats actually a way to huge success if it comes with a small baggage of gratitude). But looking back, I do consider that a reason for the existence of people who hate me today. That was something I did consciously, and analysing later I realised that they had a reason to do so. Seeking attention all the time was also a problem. The unworthy glorification and allegations helped me more to do that. On one side, I was gathering so much of a collection of friends, acquaintances, power contacts (take it the GODFATHER WAY), and also people who got scared of me because of the unknown capability known to myself and them, which was considered at that time that I can JINX anyone. In all that mess, attention seeking and selfishness just added more fuel to the allegations and the glory side didn't diminish, but shone in a wrong way. Like, calling a water pistol as a pistol with plastic pellets, even if not a gun. Judging... till we do that without being asked by the victim himself/herself, will always make a wrong move for our own growth.

POINT 3 : In a bad phase, a panicky situation, people tend to become more emotional. Run helter skelter looking for a shelter... wow that rhymed...! But they dont understand that they approach anyone possible to solve their problem. They will go out to the best and to the worst. They will also go and pay all astrologers, palmists, psychics, and what not if they believe in all that, or otherwise end up with psychological counsellors. Wow.. I was taken to one in my childhood when I used to talk about my visions at night, which where then considered as dreams. The psychologists analysis as usual - A sign of insecurity when a child dreams something like this. They think that its a hard and fast rule or a book with a set of rules which categorizes a person of certain age with the same syndrome. How can it be? These guys hardly keep up with the latest facts, using books and their younger studies which are a decade old now, they are diagnosing and judging a human mind and brain which is much more evolved!! Nevertheless, their medications do work because all they do is control the blood pressure or neural activity of the certain part of our brain. Surely enough, I believe that science helps a lot in simple things about life and very complicated things about man-made marvels.

POINT 4 : As mentioned in 3, we end up advising someone with nothing but a good intention of their well-being. Time passes by, and good times dawn the person whom we advised. With a good mood and no other worries to bother the poor tortured brain, there is a lot more activity to do. The most dangerous, discussion and analysis of the past with someone else. Tell but don't discuss unless its someone very close and there should be only 2-3 people this. You will understand the reason why in the next few lines.

Take for example here -

You advice a cousin on his/her problem. Worked well, time has passed and now the cousin is sitting with a uncle of yours who doesn't like you, but they both share a comfortable relation. Now finally this uncle whose advices have failed, or maybe he never cared to advice, tells this cousin that if you would have done this way instead of what was advised by him(you), things would have turned out much better. A normal tendency that we see around everyday in our life. But on a large scale it has a huge and very bad impact. The uncle as well as your cousin discuss the same thing and view with more people. Added up is a group of people who vouch for you or put you down. Over time, a new trouble brews up where there is hardly any feeling you have to dive in the new problem and help again after all the TRIAL you went through the last time. Though acquitted and your image is clean now, you do know the backbitching that goes about even now. You think do you still want to help? Afterall he's your cousin, someone you love and care for. But here is the place where we go wrong. We take for granted that the cousin who came to you for advice the last time will come to you again, but after what all has happened that fact has to be untrue. We still at times act stupidly and go ahead to do the good thing (mind it... only we consider it good).

POINT 4 : Eventually, with no need of your advices or even you being around, that relation has ended up just being a formality. The worst allegation that does come up in this case is when the cousin and the people around will say that, 'he/she(you) had some unseen plan of your own / wanted to get more importance in family or friends / and a lot more unimaginable reasons'. Some shameless person might even try to come and ask you trying to investigate, promising that it will remain a secret. Fortunately, all this has happened with me in those teenage years. The years when I met few best people in my life and a lot more worse. Now I meet people and get more of the best lot that the worst because of this understanding. We normally try to do advice or help with a good intention. That good intention comes out of love or care for a person.. an emotion.. .driven by heart. What the heart says is very important, but in cases where you are not really very close to the person (like the only 2-3 in your life like I mentioned above), you should always use the brain. A Sequel book of Godfather has a line - "The heart was just a bloody motor. The head was meant to drive".

Till I reached an understanding from the above experiences and many other of my own and others, it wasn't too late. I was just 22 by then. I had lost many good friends and bad as well. I feel fortunate for loosing them, not trying to be optimistic, but people who misunderstand and cannot bear along for a long time through your growth shouldn't be trusted. Maybe I gave them a reason to hate me, I am to blame, I take the blame. Though loosing any kind of person from life is a loss, I feel fortunate for those friends I lost for such reasons, they wouldn't have been of any use for anyone anyway. A further analysis always showed that they were the run-of-the-mill people who hardly did anything different in life. Their mindset would never come out of the material world they live in, a routine of 9 - 5, a party on weekend, etc. Hard Punches in my face, spiritual conscience, a good logic, a cold and speedy analysis of myself always kept me busy and helped me stay away from judging anyone else.

Whatever happens in our life is due to us, its our fault or virtue. We have no right to judge or advice anyone about anything unless they seek it. Even today I have seen the views of many people close to me where they considered my intentions as some part of a PLAN, a GAME, fortunately none of my friends are a part of those. These people are either my relatives or some acquaintances whose presence or absence in life doesn't bother me as much as when - My good intention is considered as a Game!

Wednesday, June 18, 2008

Important People in Life?

Ever tried to define a criteria for the most important people in life?

If yes... could you list any?

For me it has always been about love, love n' love. Many times I have mentioned to people that even if love is the only thing that makes the world go around, it is also one of the selfish emotions we share. Love lives on the basic foundation of the fact that 'the feeling that we love a person' is making is feel happy. We are in short looking for our happiness everywhere.

Then comes kindness, compassion & care all categorized with a term unconditional.

For me the most important people in life have been those who have been logically kind and unconditionally supportive. The relation or the amount of love they have given me hardly matter. This maybe a lesson that I have learnt from my last life as well my upbringing and understanding of the relations in the world here. And it always made a huge impact on me all my life. Thankfully all that ended up making me feel dependent on all the system for my survival but independent of an individual. That doesn't mean I never expect that to happen. I still search for people who would be enlisted in the list of people I trust, people who have been logically kind to everyone they know and unconditionally supportive for me.

Let me start with some basic factors. I have never hated my parents but could never develop a trustworthy relation with them because I always saw their behavior with me or anyone else they love or respect. My mother has been to moral and ethical while my father has always been involved in his own desires and image. My mother can never hesitate to oppose me if I am wrong and will stand from enemy lines firing at me, no she still loves me. Call it her ideal.... 'Mother India' kinda. This problem always made me understand that when I am wrong, she is not going to cover up my fault and stand with me though she might still stand with me having accepted my mistake and uncovering it to the world. Thats not it! As a child it made me insecure and helped me cope a lot as an adult. I finally realised its all ethics & morals. She is a good person but a bad mother. In my definition, I dont want a mother who treats everyone coming to her like a child like a mother, then whats the use of having a mother of my own? Doesn't make much of a difference, because if my mother is going to stand against me treating my rivals like her own children I feel like a motherless child. Yes there is a motherlike figure with me who still supports me and loves me as a mother. Should I blindly trust this relation just because 'blood is thicker than water?'

My dad, never been a help and never been a problem if ignored. I dont hate him. But I hate him whenever I try to communicate with him. Its not possible. He himself accepts that he doesn't know many things yet he he will feel that he is the best judge of any situation. For me he always remained as my mothers puppet who did what she told. So his support has been entirely based on what stand my mother has taken. So needless to say its all f*****ed up. Otherwise in their general parental duties they have never failed. I don't hate them. I respect them for what I am today even for these experiences they have given me. But that made me more strength to remain detached from the world.

I came across many people otherwise who lent me unconditional support in all forms. Though they would show me my mistakes or argue with me, it will be in personal conversations. There were 2 friends and they still are my friends just have distanced after I married who will still stand by me till death. Because they know me. One more example was my uncle. He never used to put me down in front of public. Never tried to prove anyone else or himself right no matter what the situation. If he had a difference of opinion he used to discuss that one - one. No one else involved. He handled things effeciently and didn't allow me to sulk for silly reasons. The reason I always said he was my last attachment that no longer exists is because I was a child that grew with him with trust, belief and a true experience that proved what he told me "Dont waste your time and energy in fighting for your small demands. IF someone is not favoring you or giving you something even your parents dont worry. Tell me. I'll provide you with that if you prove to me that its essential". His commitment to me expanded from general things like having a milkshake to helping me win my love. He trusted me in and my love... never let me down.

Even in his last days, last moments he died with the belief that I married the girl I love, which I never tried to fight. I wanted to confuse the heavenly system up there with the hellish situations they put him into. Believe me but everything has a link, an attachment, a communication channel with the heavens or higher systems up there that control or govern us. The network is based on things like life and death and many times on evolved people who meditate or can communicate on a higher level. And I believe that my whole life in future will be a bit in a wobbly mode from the sub-governing energies up there. I will have a stronger threshold with the supreme power and myself, giving me more control.. more of LIVING.

Today another experience with my own parents and other important family members over a silly issue rattled me and revoked my past. No matter what you do for parents, no matter what you do for friends... no matter what you do for strangers. Even if you have given up your real life for them, they will still act diplomatic in situations where they see I am being put down and they dont want to be on my side or the other just because they want to be good in both the books.

After a long long time I remembered the most important people in my life and realized the importance of starting that hunt again. I am yet alone.... yet trapped in people who are living with a diplomacy forgetting what I did for them in life... forgetting what I taught them in life... forgetting what is it that makes everyone trust me and my opinions so blindly.

They forgot that I call my people... MY people. I stand by them even when they are wrong, I argue with them privately. They forgot that real unconditional support is of giving up everything you have because it might help someone else get everything they wanted. But time has made me realize. I failed again.

To see that I dont get disillusioned again, thinking that I am in reliable people & being supported by their power, I designed and put a wallpaper on my desktop that says, "F$$K you Nikhil Gangavane. You are a looser... lost again being kind!" This will always remind me that I have to bring back the right supports, right people who I can live with. But this doesn't mean I have lost faith in my kindness and intentions. I will always support people I love, like my uncle did. Keeping real life alive in me and all those who trust me.

Saturday, June 14, 2008

Free days are over!

Wow. What a hectic time and it whizzed by so fast!!!

Before wifeyz left for 10 days camp, I had so many plans to just let-go and enjoy life totally but I didn't do anything as planned. Infact the better happened. I have been restructuring... reorganizing myself. My room had been a mess. There wasn't a place to sit or walk except my carpet. Since wifeyz coming tomorrow I just raked up everything and atleast making it appear clean though I have not really cleaned my wardrobe and books cupboard yet.

10 days didn't really go enjoyable as planned. Partied 4 times but it hardly matters. Its just a reason to jam up with friends and let loose. With my PR in flow again, music is getting jiggier and waiting for my new camera which is expected at month end. By the way I hope most of you might have read the article in Pune Mirror which had really stupid mistakes. They dont have the common sense that VishalG cannot be a website domain for a person whose name is Nikhil. not to mention that they didn't print anything about the Shammi Kapoor fanclub and spiritual counseling/healing stuff. All they have printed is Michael JAckson. And even when I had clearly mentioned that I perform MJ but am not an impersonator, they printed the opposite. Next time I will be more specific with the media.

You guys should really watch me now. Great music... great photography both are coming up starting july. Though music stuff will be on sale online and off by year end. I am also gearing up for the proper launch my my music label. Trying to collabrate with some artists. We will soon be launching albums from different genre. I dont know what what my role will be in it apart from a producer. The restructuring also includes restructuring of my company which might rope in a director and setup liasons abroad.

Though july does mark a happening month remember it will have its negative side as well. I can't actually put all that up here, but as I go on posting in here you will understand what I am saying today. Its too much happening of a time. It excites me. Finally feeling that I will really be back living life again. Its been such a dull time lately. I have become very disciplined with my classes routine as well. $$$$ is never enough. Need to pull in a lot this time.

Another thing to come up with SLR is that I will be taking makeup training for my shoots. So that I can make my models look more beautiful. Since SLR will mark the beginning of my glamor shooting, I will be hiring studios quite often or setting up a makeshift one at home on the ground floor. Will taking serious models for TFCD basis or amateurs who just want their porfolios done. IT will mean the same to me. but I am seriously shifting to glamor and concept.

The rains are making my life feel like heaven. This year no asthma, so I can breathe free. I think apart from Rupali's breakfast, drinks are also an added advantage. Though none will agree directly with me to discourage me from drinking, but its a medically proven fact. Strangely, in last 10 days, I didn't drink to enjoy drink but to enjoy friends. I realized that I am happy actually drinking when Rupali is around because I talk a lot with her like we did when we were friends. Yes, I dont say that its all happy talk, we fight too.... but then I talk. But now that all has already been told I wonder what I will talk after a peg?!?!?! With things around the corner waiting to happen and change my life crucially, I wont be surprised if I stop drinking and be like I was 3 years back. But it requires a special entity to be active in my life, which right now is in hibernation mode.

But Finally Waking up!!!!

Monday, June 9, 2008

9.... 7... 5 ..3.. 1.... We've a Liftoff ! 1. 3... 5..... 7....... 9.........

Hi My Friends & Enemies!!

Yes I am back! And you will surely confirm me being myself from the specific greeting for my enemies too. I don't know why it took me so long to accept your requests for starting up the diary on my website again. I remember exactly 10 years ago I started my website and my life was a open book. Later some personal issues especially related to "The Girl I Love" section of the website screwed up things royally for me. But better late than never. After a break of good 8 years I have finally landed up with the bloggers.

I made one decision though. I wouldn't host the diary like I did on my personal website. Things have changed. That time I was alone and with my love. I am still with my love, you wouldn't believe if I said I don't but my professional & personal life has changed on levels. I completed my graduation in computer engineering in 2000 and decided that I wont do any business or job in the field and do music like I wished since childhood. Struggled & strugged, the love story still remains in the same broken state and it got mended on a huge extent but can never reach the dream we wished for. I am married to my wife who is a singer, who knows the story but my commitment and love for my wife is strong. True my inspiration and my love lies unshattered and will always be the primary mission of my soul, it has nothing to do with the relations we define as the best in life. Got married in 2005, my wife is also a singer. We face situations like the movie 'Abhiman' but more complicated and less related to our singing career. Eventually 2005 yearend also marked the start of my photography career. I am a contributor in the microstock Industry and today happen to be No.1 Contributor from India. Check one of my agency links here - http://www.dreamstime.com/resp212561

Eventually, after marriage it has been a rollercoaster ride for me. Not up... not down but lost. I have been going dizzy. I simply can't relate to the formalities. Since childhood I related to no one when it came to formality and hence never had any deep relation with any of my relatives except my grandparents, aunts and my aunts husband. Mom ofcourse was always there, but like I put it, she is not just my mom she is the mom of all that come to her calling her mother. So its a huge void. Remember my uncle who was my idol, like my father, the one who helped me with everything (I had his photo too posted on "My Idols" page), he left us on 22nd April 2008 after a long battle with Hairy Cell Leukemia (Blood Cancer) . With the only strong attachment gone my dizzy ride after marriage ended up throwing me off the rollercoaster... crashing me down on the ground. I got wounded, badly bruised, all alone but not lonely. I feel happy for those wounds because those wounds get me new skin... more durable. I wish mind & heart both had a regenerating skin like this one. :)

Can't post today. I am going on and on like crazy. I was planning to post the blogs related to life or spirituality from another account to avoid confusion with my personal life and sharing people's experiences without mentioning their real names. Give me some time to think on this one. I first have to get my website right, blog more regularly here and then I can decide what to do.

By the way also visit the new sites I have started -

www.clubmj.com - The Official Indian Michael Jackson Fanclub
www.shammikapoor.net - The Official Shammi Kapoor Fanclub

YES GUYS! They are official, don't make me explain here... the sites will. Till my next blog... CHOW! Don't forget to mail me incase you hate to leave publicly visible comments here ;)